My Mum is overfeeding my kids

[Hermagsjesty]

My Mum is a loving Grandma and we’re lucky to have her. I trust her to take good care of my kids and generally she listens to and respects my boundaries. BUT she consistently over-feeds the kids; they snack constantly when she’s looking after them and if they have a meal at her house it’s adult sized portions plus seconds, including seconds of dessert. It’s mostly home-cooked food rather than junk but I still don’t think it’s okay. The kids have cottoned on that she’ll let them eat as much as they like and I think it’s become a kind of game to them - asking for more and more food. The kids are 7 and 5 and she has them for tea once a week. I’ve asked her to stop giving them so much food before and I thought she’d listened but tonight they’ve come back and the 5yo tells me he’s eaten SIX fish fingers plus seconds of mash and veg plus two bowls of yogurt plus an apple plus a banana. I’ve told the kids it’s not acceptable to eat so much but I’m also really annoyed with my Mum. I’m going to talk to her again but if she doesn’t stop WIBU to stop her having them over at meal times?

If it’s once a week, it’s mostly home cooked stuff and they’re not complaining of stomach ache or being sick afterwards then I’m inclined to let it go. And give a light lunch that day in anticipation of dinner at Grandmas. That said, I’d be more concerned if she’s pushing the food on them versus just not being able to say no if the kids are asking for it. But if it is that much of a problem maybe you’ll have to stop them going there for dinner without you, it sound like you’ve already asked her to stop and she won’t listen.

Once a week isn't going to hurt. Do you never give the dc burgers and chips, or pizza or KFC? Food that is highly calorific, big portions but also unhealthy? Think of grandma's meals along the same lines, an occasional treat.

If it's only one meal a week I wouldn't be too concerned. The description of what they ate was pretty healthy - maybe more of it than you'd like, but it wasn't anything like junk food. Pick your battles - making a big deal about one meal per week might be a bad thing for you. Presumably you are relying on your Mum to some extent - why cause problems when there really isn't one. Your Mum loves the kids and they apparently love her - leave it alone would be my advice.

Thats fine. She isnt force feeding them. Its not crap.
You sound quite uptight about food. It is not really ok to tell kids that age that it is ' unacceptable ' to eat a big dinner now and again. That is a v negative message that could lead to hang ups around food, mean that they eat in secret and get actual unhealthy relationship with food.
Not six fish fingers and lots of yoghurt, my kids would sometimes eat that much if they fancied. They aren't t fat, just active and growing.

Thanks - it’s useful to get a different perspective. I suppose the thing that annoys me is that they don’t eat so much anywhere else but maybe I should just let it go and accept that’s one of the things that special about Grandma’s house...

Yeah sounds like it's just about it being Grandma. If they were coming hoem with tummy ache, being sick, not being able to sleep etc then yes, argue your point, or of they were having DS's then pizza then ice cream and cake and coke again, tell her no. But e tra veg and fruit one meal a week won't hurt them

And giving them a lighter lunch on those days is a really good suggestion...

@bumpertobumper that’s interesting you pick up on not making food an issue. My DH has struggled with his weight all his life and really worries about our DS having the same issues with food. His family are big eaters - they like to “feast” - and he really wants to discourage that attitude in the kids. But I think you’re right, we also need to be mindful not to make it as issue the other way. (Although if it makes a difference, I didn’t say eating a big meal occasionally was unacceptable- I said it wasn’t acceptable to keep on eating when they weren’t hungry just because they were at Grandmas)

You need to chill out.

It's healthy, home cooked food, once a week. The damage you're doing by making an issue of it is going to far, far outweigh the terrible damage done by a bit of extra veg, fish fingers and yogurt once a week.

Telling them not to eat more when they're full is good advice though. As long as you're linking it to 'because you'll get a stomach ache' and not 'because you'll get fat'.

I would also question whether they're going crazy at Grandma's because they feel controlled and restricted re. food at home.

Agree you definately need to relax.

As a kid I always remember asking my mum for pancakes for breakfast, she'd be busy with work etc so id say I'm off to grans! In my experience grans are people who feed you up and spoil you, it's a treat.

It's home cooked stuff and it's once a week. Just give them less that day since you know they are getting a big meal and don't make an issue out of it, just tell them it's a treat

so realistically is an extra couple of fish fingers and a bowl of yoghurt that tips it into unacceptable. I'd let it go, the kids should start regulating themselves if you show you don't care.