Ds won't eat dinner

[KateTTC123]

My ds is almost 2. He was very early, born at 29 weeks, but perfectly healthy now and on the 75th centile.
He also had a dairy and soy allergy which he has recently outgrown.
Our problem is that he just won't eat meals, most of the time, but particularly at dinner time.
He used to eat anything you gave him and still loves most fruit, some veg and recently really really loves cheese and yogurt! However he would always rather graze on these things than eat a meal. Most of the time this doesn't worry me because he is clearly getting enough calories in but his diet is now so restricted. He mostly lives off toast with peanut butter, fruit, cheese and yogurt so I do worry about iron deficiency and getting enough protein.
Every evening we collect him after work at 5.30 so there is a limited window of time to eat dinner before bed at 7pm. We all eat together at the table and give him some of what we are having as well as some foods that I know he will eat sometimes like peas or oven chips. Nursery says he eats well at lunchtime but he doesn't do this when FIL is looking after him on the other days or when we have him on weekends.
Our own diet is pretty healthy with home cooked meals and lots of veg. I'm vegetarian but DH isn't and we offer ds meat and fish. He has the occasional fish finger but recently has started refusing these too! We've tried pizza, pasta, sausages etc nothing!
When dinner time comes he just cries, tries to get out of his chair and throws his food on the floor. We don't make a big fuss or get angry as we worry that would make it worse.
After his bath I had been giving him a bedtime snack of a banana or toast so he wouldn't be hungry at night but I'm thinking maybe I should stop this so he knows he has to eat when we do? The health visitor said not to offer him any alternatives if he refuses meals so I haven't been but in the past, when he's been sick or teething and eating very little at all we have tried to tempt him with foods we know he enjoys like dried apricots, cheese etc.
Just don't really know what to do tbh! I was a very fussy eater as a child so I think he gets it from me but I just want to try to make sure he can have a meal with the family at least, even if it's just fish fingers and chips!
Any advice?

Should say; ds is our only child so far but I'm 7 months pregnant with a dd

Hey momma sorrru your going through this it sounds like a phase to me. Honestly just share meals with babe and perseverance will win. Here s site my fussy little eater some nice easy recipes/meals on their and my lovely little lunchbox. Also o am part of a baby led weaning group on Facebook and they have load of meal ideas for veggies, and meat eater could help you. Share meals as it's 🐒 see monkey do. Good luck momma

I posted this yesterday on a weaning support group page!

My son is 22 mths old and for the last few months has become extremely fussy. We have been fighting to get a variety of food into him and he refuses all fruit and vegetables unless they are hidden in a sauce. He won’t try anything new at all.

I have decided to stop fighting...

I am now going to give him breakfast, snack, nap, snack and dinner....

I did this by accident yesterday (long late nap) and dinner was far less stressful even if he still didn’t eat any blinking veg!

Has anyone else a, experienced sudden onset fussiness? And b, missed a meal to reduce the stress?

Thanks in advance

I have had so many people say they have or are still experiencing the same so as hard as it is I think it's a phase we need to weather. Good luck

My son used to be like this at dinner time occasionally and I really think it was due to exhaustion after a long day away from us. It's tricky to rectify when you've got limited time in the evening. Some nights, we would let him skip dinner and he'd just fill up on breast milk.

Years ago I read that this is evolutionary. When we were still roaming forrest floors, weaning infants were kept close to their parents and could trust what their parents gave them to eat. Once they started to roam a little more freely they had to instinctively eat a far narrower safe diet. Being picky & narrow in their choices stopped them eating the dangerous red berries.

So being picky is instinct!

Continue to offer the same food that you're having, along with something he will eat.

Put the food out. When he's had enough he gets down. No comment from you. No praise if he eats well. No bribery. No punishment. There should be no stress around food at all. Just present, leave for set amount of time, take away and move on.

Where possible you can offer the same food a little later if he won't eat at the time (obviously not if it's something that will be horrible later and obviously don't keep it for days).

Always offer something he won't eat, with something he will. That way he won't starve, you won't worry and he won't immediately reject the whole plate (that's the idea anyway!!).

I think the biggest mistake people make is putting a food that is rejected a few times at this stage in the 'he won't eat that' list and never offering it again. He won't come back round to something if he never has it again!

Does he eat at nursery before you collect him? My DD used to like to eat really early at that age so she'd have had her tea by that time.

Also, don't overload the plate - I agree with NuffSaid about having something on his plate that he will definitely eat, but try just a tiny bit first - too much on the plate used to put my DD off eating at all, mysteriously.

@Nuffsaid that's a good tip about not praising him for eating; we have been giving him lots of praise if he does but I guess I can see how this could affect his relationship with food in some way. At the moment each pea is getting a cheer and he manages an adverage of 4 per meal! 🤦🤦🤦