How can i improve my relationship with my 3 year old?

[BuggyWanker]

DS age 3 is a real handful at the moment. It starts from the minute he's asked to put on his clothes and finishes at bedtime. Screaming, crying, winging and whining about EVERYTHING.

Doesn't want to get dressed, doesn't want to brush his teeth, won't wear jumpers, vests or coats (but hates not wearing socks), wants his sandwhich cut up this way (noooo not that way! You did it wrong!) won't go to preschool (I don't want to put my shoes on! No coat! The wind is blowing my head!) I've carried him the last couple of Days and my back is wrecking. Won't eat his dinner (I don't like that! That's yucky!) has started throwing things and hitting DS2. All accompanied by a good helping of winging/screaming/tears.

Punishments for bad behaviour are explaining what he's done wrong and expecting an apology. Escalating to being taken out of the room to do the same. I will hold his hand until he does so he doesn't just bugger off. Occasionally I have put him upstairs to calm down. Ok during the day but no good when I'm trying to get out the door to preschool! We're always late at the moment

I feel like this is our whole relationship- me trying to manage his bad behaviour. I miss playing together and just enjoying his company but I'm stuck for how I can change this

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough stage with him - stubborn tiny humans are a handful at best.

I think you said it yourself, you miss just having time to play with him. Maybe find an activity that he can have free reign with so you won't need to be in mummy mode and you can join in. Bouncing on the trampoline, playing tag or hide and seek in the garden, doing finger painting or some kind of messy play. Something where there's no rules or safety issues that you'd have to tell him off or anything, and you both can relax into it. Be ultra excited and positive, he'll respond to your care free energy :)

Sometimes I had to walk away from my toddler (when she was safe of course but throwing a tantrum) zone out for a minute, eat a couple of biscuits, remind myself it doesn't last and I'm in control. Then I'd go back in. I'd just get wound up and lose control otherwise. That one minute stepped away seriously helped me to stay somewhat collected (can't say calm!)

Also - works for some more than others - maybe start a reward chart? If he gets his shoes and coat on he gets a star on his chart, brushes his teeth gets a star. Let him put the stars on himself, and use them as positive motivation first rather than always having to resort to sternness with stuff. Like I said, some children respond better to this than others, but even one less "telling off" feels like a victory most days.

I have no advice, going through similar.
Watching with interest
(she's also a little angel for daddy!)

We've found changing our approach with DS is working a little more. He now has 2 toothbrushes and rather than 'brush your teeth' it's 'which toothbrush would you like today?' and make it all fun, we brush teeth together so it's a 'race' of sorts.

Making things 'his' choice and asking for his 'help' (Have you seen mummy's car keys? Could you please find them while I get our coats?) rather than telling him he has to do things just seems to engage him more.