Party invitation for relative we haven't seen in 10+ years

[MrsBabs30]

Hello, this is my first time here and I'm looking forward to your input.

I'll try to make it short, my husband and I received a joint birthday party invitation for his niece's children in the post today. My husband has not seen his sibling or her daughter in 10+ years, and I have never met her. Her daughter sent the invitation for a party next week - stated 'no gifts', yet included an amazon registry link at the bottom. All the gifts are higher priced items including 2 £250 car seats. We aren't even sure she's had the second child yet.

She has had some personal problems - including being on benefits, etc... She is unmarried and I believe struggling to make ends meet. We are trying to be sensitive to these facts but are having a hard time rationalizing sending a gift, and feel like this may be a "gift grab". How should we approach this tactfully without feeling like we are being taken advantage of? Thank you!

Rsvp that you can't attend. That's all I'd do, you ha not seen them in 10 years the kids don't know who you are. No gift, no card.

Honestly? I'm sure there's a reason your DH has been estranged from his sibling for a decade. I'd let sleeping dogs lie...

If you fancy reconnecting with them then go and take a token gift.

If not rsvp to say thanks for invite but you unfortunately won't be able to attend and wish them well. No gift required.

Well I'd say that being on benefits isn't a 'personal problem', but no, after so long without contact this isn't how you establish it!

A lot depends on why your husband hasn't spoken to his sister. Maybe if you don't want to seem like you're snubbing but you'd like to meet this niece (and her kids? sorry, bit confused about who's who from your wording) turn down the invite but suggest an alternative time to meet. Maybe somewhere neutral like 'out for a country walk' or lunch at yours if your concerned they're trying to get you to pay for stuff.

Depends on whether DH wants to build the relationship again. I might send a card to the children. Maybe a low amount toyshop gift voucher and a short letter to their mum along the lines of It's nice to hear from you, here's what we have been up to etc to open the lines of communication.

To clarify, my husband has been estranged because his sister has a history of taking advantage of his generosity (surprise!), and is a bit of a 'taker' in general. The mother of the children is my husband's niece - his sister's daughter - making the children our grand niece and nephew.

This is a non issue. What advice could you need? Don't go.

Thank you, everyone! I think you all told me what we already know!