Hi
I need some help before I drive myself crazy.
I left my ex 6 years ago after 7 years of physical and mental abuse. He started on the children so I had to get out.
We left as he refused to and he kept everything. 3 years later we were divorced but he continued to abuse me, stole a lot of money from my parents, neglected the children, he's been reported to the police for the abuse on several occasions.
He only sees the children every other weekend. He pays the basic child maintenance but does nothing more. No parents evenings, refuses to help with anything, tells them they can go on school trips and that he will pay half but then doesn't. I was recently involved in a bad accident at work and was quite poorly, I asked if he could help them but he refused. The abuse continues and I frequently get called all sorts of horrible things when I make basic contact to discuss the children.
My problem lies now with the children. My daughter is 14 and a madam. I feel like her personal slave, she is exactly like her father. She doesn't help around the house, is constantly attached to her phone, talks to me like I'm an inconvenience and is completely ignorant to how her behaviour affects people. My son is a few years younger and there are no issues with him at all.
They have wonderful weekends with him, he splashes the cash and gives them a great time. He has a new partner, well he did within a few months of me leaving him and they all get on brilliantly and she treats my children well.
I can't afford to do the things that they do as I am on my own and have to pay for all the normal stuff, day to day, after school clubs, dance class, football, uniform, you know the drill.
The children have come home all excited about a wonderful holiday that they have booked for the summer to America. Gushing about how wonderful their dad and his girlfriend are, showing me photos of the family days out that they've had with her family and friends. Telling me how they will be coming to support the children at various shows they are doing etc etc. I shall be taking the children away also and have been saving for a long time to pay for it but feel like it's insignificant compared to what they are doing with him.
My problem is this. I am very happy that they have this good relationship with their father and his girlfriend. I am pleased that they get wonderful
weekends with them but I feel so so resentful. He abused me and them and my family , he won't contribute towards their day to day life but throws money at them on his weekends. He constantly insults me and goads me (I've blocked him now and stopped communicating). He is basically superman and super dad rolled in to one whilst I'm just boring old mum. If I discipline my daughter she says she is going to live with him (he lives 2 hours away) and I've got to the point where she is such a reminder of him that I find myself resenting her. I feel like I have zero relationship with her because of this and her constant attachment to her phone. I've tried to take it off her but "I need it to talk to dad".
He is a manipulative, abusive bully that will lie and cheat to get what he wants. He has wished me dead and verbally abused everything and everyone that is precious to me yet to the children he is amazing. He will muscle in on my weekends by bringing his girlfriend to support the children in their activities. On the one hand I am of course grateful that he is there for them but on the other I don't want him anywhere near us. He recently had a wobble with his girlfriend and was nowhere to be seen for the children but now they have sorted it out he is everywhere. He thinks nothing of letting them down at the last minute. It just doesn't seem fair that somebody can act so awfully and hurt so many people and almost get rewarded for it.
How do I stop feeling like this, I just want to let it go and be the best parent I can. My children are my world and I want to not care.
Thanks