Children's parties etiquette

[mummydummyabc]

Never been to a children's birthday before! My little boy is 3 and he is now at the age where he is getting invites for parties at preschool and I am looking for tips and advice please. What goes on? Do parents take part with the kids or do they all huddle together and let the kids get on with it? How do you make small talk? Do you bring a present and if you do, how much should you be expected to spend?

Nervous as hell about these sorts of things! Help greatly appreciated guys!

Depends on the party and your dc. Entertainer party in a hall - ideally I can sit at the side. Soft play party, my 3yo won't go in by herself. Just starting to drop and run for 6yo parties.

I spend up to £10 on a present, ideally something on offer so it looks better than it cost I buy things on sale when I see them, and have a stash in the spare room!

Yes to present. I aim to spend £5-£8.
Let the children rampage, but joining in with them is fine if your child needs it.
Just chat - usually about th children to start with - sleep, eating, ridiculous reasons your child was screaming for yesterday etc.

Most people stay at that age, unless maybe it's a party at a house in which case you might drop and go (if the children are 3 turning 4).

Generally, let the kids get on with it as much as possible, intervene if your child is upset/causing a problem.

Small talk - I hate this too. Something about the children? Go with the flow.

You bring a present, between £5-£10. You could ask the birthday mum/dad what the child would like or get something that can be used up (pens/craft stuff/stickers/playdough/bubbles) or books or something like a football. Don't get large, plastic items that will clog up their house!

You will probably end up at loads and loads.of these over the next few years! You'll be a pro soon!

For a party at that age be prepared to participate at some point. Especially if not an entertainer.

It's a bit daunting at first regarding small talk but just remember most parents are in the same position. You will start to get to know parents after a few parties.

£10 is normally what I spend.

Yes, mostly there are chairs out for the parents and usually a cup of tea. If there's craft activities or something you may need to help your child.
Small talk, you can say "Hi. Which one belongs to you?" (Tallulah-June, there in the brown boiler suit, how about you?) "Little DummyAbc. Does Tallulah-June go to nursery? How's she getting on?"
That should be enough. Unusual weather, local news, nursery stuff, are all great topics. But it's fine to sit there quietly. Just make sure you say hello to the birthday mum and perhaps a comment about how lovely the party is.
Present £10 or reduced from £10. 3 year old= Paw Patrol puzzle. Wrapped. Paw Patrol card. Done.

Thanks all for the great tips, makes me feel a bit more confident about what we are up against. Great idea about buying presents on special offer, will keep an eye out for ideas. What's a polite amount of time to stay at these parties? I have absolutely no idea.

Watch the Peppa Pig soft play party episode!

Stay until the cake/happy birthday to you. Then any time after that is fine to leave. If the party parents are standing by the door with a pile of party bags looking at their watch take the hint and leave. Usually 1.5-2hrs depending on activity.

Usually they’re two hours. Hour of soft play / entertainer, then some party food, then a bit more play. Normally invitations say but maybe assume two hours if not.
Generally the kids get fed, the adults are offered perhaps a cup of tea and a biscuit (depending on venue). So if it’s over lunchtime have a snack before you go!
Lots of people hate kids’ parties, and they do become very VERY frequent once the kids get to school. I like them though, I’m quite an introvert but enjoy chatting to the few school parents who’ve become my friends.
My eldest is 6 and we’ve just started to ‘drop and run’ at some parties, although he prefers me to stay and often I do.

My DD(4) has two this month, one invite specifically asks that parents stay which I thought was good. The other one I asked via text if they wanted me to stay and they said no need. It's all quite new to me too!

Present wise I try to get things in sales, if not then I buy books and wouldn't spend more than £10 on a gift. Places like The Works always have bargains!

there's always food for the kids even if it's not a mealtime, e.g. I just did full spread for 20 5 yos at 3.30! but very rarely anything except a cuppa and biscuits for the adults.

I just checked out the Peppa soft play episode out....hilarious! That did make me chortle. So this is the plan - go to party, let the little one join the little ones, buy book or craft stuff around £10 and look out for cue to leave when the parents whip out the party bags. Small talk is going to be hard :s Arrrgggh!

I hate small talk but get on well.with kids so.usually opt for hanging around and facilitating play while the other parents small talk.

My budget for gifts is around the £5.00 mark but usually get something worth more than that in sales.

If its soft play or bouncy castles make sure they wear socks not slippy tights (she says after picking her DD up at least 6 times at the bouncy castle party today).

Oh and make sure all food pre and post party are veg only. They eat their body weight in sugar over 2 hrs and leave hopped up.on excitement and birthday cake.

Just go with the flow, from reading Mumsnet it seems party etiquette varies around the country and from school to school so ask someone with older kids in your area. We stayed at at nursery unless specifically advised otherwise, but for 5th birthdays it was drop off. No soft play then as wasn't one locally and was a bit less competitive than today!

At that age, def stay. Typical the invite should state start and end times but I. General think about 2 hours.

Small talk, nursery, weather, comparing notes on days out. I met two of my best friends on these parties and it could very well be that you will continue seeing these parents over the years to come.

Presents - I normally spend £5-8, often books from The Works.when I reply I normally ask if the child is interested in something specific.

If the host does a craft activity, be prepared to help.

It really depends on where the party is being held. Does it not say on the invite how long the party will be? It is usually 1.5-2 hrs. I never bothered with small talk, just sat quietly watching my DD, if at soft play.

agree with what the others have said OP, just popped on to say that i saw this incredibles 2 bowling set was discounted to £4

Definitely stay, at that age. I usually spend £15-£20 (Wicked Uncle are fantastic for age appropriate ideas so I just get something online). Offer to help, but otherwise just hang around for a natter with the other mums. It's a good opportunity to network with them, usually there is something useful to be picked up in these conversations!

PS Ditto to the poster who said they get things in sales. Sometimes if I see something I think a kid would like for a birthday present in a sale I get it. I managed to get a huge nerf gun reduced from £40 to £20 last year which my older son's friend loved!

You'll know when to leave...people are expected to stay till the end OP.

No soft play then as wasn't one locally and was a bit less competitive than today!

Soft play is an easy party option, not a sign of competitive parenting.

Definitely offer to help - host mum will thank you for it, you get to meet the other parents if you make a round of teas or something, and if you're busy then your LO is less likely to cling to your leg.

Be prepared for your child to cling to your leg and refuse to join in for 110 minutes of a 2 hour party, before suddenly rushing off and deciding they are having the BEST TIME EVER then howling tears when you say it's time to leave...

Don't help yourself to the party food until the end, unless it's it's the kind of part where all the grown ups are related/went to school together, then you're expected to get your snout in the trough with great gusto. When I was pregnant /had a new born I always took my own picnic just incase.
Text and as if there's anything the child is into present wise and if there's anything that wouldn't go down well.

Parents at our nursery have started messaging the parents of the birthday child to see if they'd like them to band together and buy 1 big present instead of lots of small things, so if you know some of the other parents you could do that (and offer to coordinate it).

Otherwise, have a stash of presents in the cupboard for times like this. I buy craft sets and Lego/Duplo when I see a good offer, as they're generally decent gifts for most kids. Gift vouchers for toy shops also seem popular round here at the moment, though personally I avoid them because they're never on sale and I'm stingy!

Also there is never the right age to start dropping them. I've always stayed at any big party, always ask the hosts if they need a hand and they usually do, even if it's just pouring drinks.
I also spend £10 but Tbh now older I've started giving the cash as by the time I've been shopping, paid for wrapping paper etc I think it's cheaper to put cash in card.