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Parenting

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Original poster

nursery school want dd in pants - on Friday!

34 replies

allatsea · 08/09/2004 16:54

dd is 2.5, and has just started nursery school. When I picked her up tonight the teacher asked if, when she came back on Friday, she could wear pants rather than nappies. We had an abortive attempt at potty training about a fortnight ago when dd would sit on the potty for 20 mins then stand up and pee on the carpet. What do you think I should do? Spend tomorrow (when the weather is meant to be lovely) toilet training again, or just leave nursery to deal with 100s of accidents.
Tips and advice please......

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Northerner · 08/09/2004 16:55

I'd tell nursery that you decide when she wers pants not them.

daisy1999 · 08/09/2004 16:56

Tell them to *. How ridiculous, children potty train when they and you are ready not to fit in with nursery. If she's ready then fine but otherwise wait until you want to do it.

soapbox · 08/09/2004 16:58

I would say that you had considered toilet training her but that as she had a big upheaval, starting nursery, you decided to hold off until she was settled in etc. Say that you are planning to start at the beginning of Nov! To start now would have a high chance of reinforcing failure - just don't be pressurised into something you don;t think she is ready for!

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LIZS · 08/09/2004 17:02

How ridiculous By all means have a nappy off day tomorrow and see but don't do it just because they have set a deadline. If they haven't previously stated she must be dry then they can't expect it to happen overnight. Unless they felt that they received clear signals that she was ready and willing and are prepared to deal with accidents then resist the pressure, it could do her settling in more harm than good.

Original poster

allatsea · 08/09/2004 17:03

I did tell them that it hadn't worked over the summer (when given the choice between pants and nappies dd said she wanted to wear leaves to look like thistle in Bill & Ben). I also said that there would be lots of accidents. They said that they found it easier to deal with (!) and that they like to start the way they mean to carry on and will take her to the toilet every half an hour. I am tempted to let them deal with the implications of their choice, if I wasn't worried about the adverse effect on dd

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SoupDragon · 08/09/2004 17:03

Send her in on Friday in pants with a huge bag of spare clothes. That'll stop them asking pretty sharpish.

How utterly ridiculous!

daisy1999 · 08/09/2004 17:05

Stand by your decision and seriously consider whether this is the right nursery for you if they are still awkward. Your child will not thank you for knocking her confidence to please a nursery.

hmb · 08/09/2004 17:08

I don;t think that they an do that. Doesn't it break the DDA as some kids can't be potty trained?

daisy1999 · 08/09/2004 17:11

hmb what's the DDA?

Original poster

allatsea · 08/09/2004 17:23

yes, what's the DDA?
It does say in the school handbook that children should be toilet trained, but she isn't ready (unless she has made significant progress in the last couple of weeks)

OP posts:

fio2 · 08/09/2004 17:25

the dda is the disability discrimination act, but I suppose it can be enforced as discrimination against 'normal' children to have a rule for one and a rule for another iykwim (sorry for using normal)

hmb · 08/09/2004 17:26

The diability discrimination act. I sent my two to a pre school and they made the point to me that they couldn't demand that the children were dry, as they had previously had a child with special needs that made it difficult for her to be potty trained. They couldn't demand that she be dry, as that would discriminate against her, therefor they didn't demand that anyone was. I'm not sure if this has the force of law, or just that the preschool was sensible IYSWIM

daisy1999 · 08/09/2004 17:27

Why do they think all 2.5 year olds are ready for potty training? Look in the baby books and quote them the number who are trained by this age.

daisy1999 · 08/09/2004 17:29

How can the "demand" any child is dry? If it were that easy mine would have been dry at 3weeks, I would have just told them that it was condition of living in my house and drinking my milk.

nutcracker · 08/09/2004 17:30

That is just plain stupid.

I really don't understand the need for them to all be toilet trained by a 2.5 either.

My Dd1 lost out on a playschool place when she was 2.5 because she wasn't out of nappies bny the start day so they gave her place to someone else.

I would speak to them about it and basclly tell them it's not on.

earlygirl · 08/09/2004 17:33

agree its nothing to do with them

Original poster

allatsea · 08/09/2004 17:37

I feel so cross about this . Dd loves going to nursery and has been looking forward to it since we first visited it in November. We tried to toilet train, and sent her in pull-ups so she can go to the toilet if taken, but wouldn't be embarrassed in a new place if she wet her pants. To be honest, we didn't think that they'd care unless her nappy was dirty and they didn't like the smell. A Deputy Head friend of mine said that they could insist on a child being dry but they could refuse to change a nappy, which I am fine with

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krocket · 08/09/2004 17:41

allatsea, can I just get this right - your DD is 2.5??!!! that is ridiculous. I would speak to person in charge and get some more info from them. What specifically do they require? and Why?

Original poster

allatsea · 08/09/2004 19:16

Dh is absolutely fuming about this. I'll phone them tomorrow and discuss this, but she can't possibly be ready in a day!
Does anyone know if they are allowed to refuse her entry if she isn't toilet trained?

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coddychops · 08/09/2004 19:20

I have heard of this - some nirseries wont tkae kids in nappies

coddychops · 08/09/2004 19:21

does it mention this int he blurb?

Twiglett · 08/09/2004 19:22

message withdrawn

Podmog · 08/09/2004 19:23

Message withdrawn

coddychops · 08/09/2004 19:24

you never know though you may try it under this pressure and it works - I always use sweets to bribe.

a friend of mine says that potty training and bike riding are all down tot he determination of the parents and I thnk I agree

i nknow evernyone will say the sweets is crap but it worked with ds1 at 2 ( th e most unlikey person to suss potty training)

Original poster

allatsea · 08/09/2004 19:39

it did mention nappies in the blurb, and we did try to toilet train her. I don't give in easily, and we persevered for 4 days, starting with 4 successful pees in the potty on day 1, and having none on day 4. The whole time dd was really depressed and obviously hating the whole thing. I just had a talk to her about it, trying to be really positive and saying that nursery would be really happy is she wore her pants and tomorrow we could practise wearing her pants again. She is generally a sweet natured girl, but she frowned, looked at me and said 'no, I don't want to', not in her usual two-year old toddler strop type thing, but in what seemed a very considered way.

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