Is this punishment enough?

[NotSoThinLizzy]

So bit of background DD 9 has autism and adhd. I received a message from a mum of one of the girls DD goes to school let's call her B. DD has bit B a couple days ago only found out today walking home from school so I have

1. grounded DD for the weekend 2)had very stern talk with DD
2. called the school to keep an eye today 4)will be picking her from school so she can't get into any other trouble. DD is saying it's because B was sticking her fingers up at her and kicking her. Is it too much? Too little?

Also to apologise to B and if she dosent then I will march her to Bs door to apologise to B and her mum

For me a lot would depend on whether DD's version of events was correct. If it was, I could easily see a situation where DD's frustration and anger built up to the point where she retaliated.

I would use it as a good time to give/reinforce strategies for DD to use if the situation occurred again. If it happened in school, for example, then remind her to speak to an adult instead if she feels able. If it happened on the way home, remind her that she doesn't have to walk with B (if this is the case) and can remove herself from the situation.

I would want the full story before making any final decisions about punishment.

If it makes any difference, I also have DC with autism.

Agree with Dooby.

It depends on what led up to it and also how significant the bite was.

If she's being bullied by B and she lashed out and bit her lightly out of frustration that's completely different to taking a chunk out of B for no reason and then lying and saying B was swearing/kicking.

More information needed.

I asked the other mum what her version of events was and she won't reply. It is very likely that B was doing these things but I still think biting is much worse. B's mum says it's broken the skin but B was wearing a thick winter coat at the time so must of been some force q

But B kicked your DD? Sorry, but I'm not sure I would be punishing that much for what is basically self defence. The fact that B's mum won't give you B's version of events suggests that your DD's version is true.

I wouldn't march her up to apologise. If she's being bullied that could make it a lot worse.

Hmmm. Tricky.

Middle DD is autistic. Elder DD loves to wind her up Knowing full well MDD will lash out. Then comes crying to me. I think not, kiddo. (Usually happens when I’m busy with my toddler.)

If MDD has bitten someone in reaction to being goaded and kicked, I wouldn’t punish at all. In fact I wouldn’t punish elder DD for that, either. Self defence.

OK I shall ask her to tell me the whole story start to finish when she gets in from school as this morning was rushing to get her to school. DD has said they've made it up since it happened and was best friends again yesterday. I don't think it's a long standing bully issue think it was more of lets wind up DD because they know they'll get a reaction. I also think this whole momo crap had a big effect on DD as she wouldn't sleep unless I was in her room very wound up about it so she was knackered too not that it's an excuse but would explain how extreme it was like I could understand DD hitting but biting seems more personal?

Did it all happen at school? If so, I would let the school deal with it and no further punishment beyond a telling off.

Happened on the walk home from school

The fact that the other mum is reluctant to give her side of the story would make me think that your DD was telling the truth. It may be why the story is only just coming to light now rather than the minute B got home from school.

I would talk to DD about appropriate reactions to this kind of behaviour etc but I wouldn't punish her for defending herself.

OK thanks you all have given me something to think about. Will have a chat when she gets in

I would also keep an eye on this 'friendship', some friend who deliberately winds up a child with autism to get a reaction from them. In fact, I would be inclined to mention that to the school. It's very close to bullying.

Yes I've told her that friends who hit or bully her arnt friends at all and she needs to value herself more and not let people treat her like that