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Parenting

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Original poster

teaching 4 year old to stand up for herself

11 replies

gruffaloschildgonewild · 07/03/2019 16:59

I have NC for this one as it might be very identifying.

I have a 4 year old who is in nursery. She can be challenging at home at times but at nursery she is an angel. I am not saying that because she is my child but because I have been told by her teachers and many kids parents have approached me to tell me that their kids really like my daughter and talk about her.

Now she is very non confrontational with others. She can't stand up for herself. She has a BFF who started nursery with her and is only a month younger than her. Now this girl is getting on my nerves. Every time she sees my daughter she wants what ever DD is holding or has. She will force my daughter by pestering her or throwing a tantrum to get whatever DD has. My DD gives in because she hates to see other people upset. Today I am especially annoyed as DD was wearing a costume for WBD which she was really looking forward to. When I went to pick her up her BF was wearing her costume. I thought ok, no problem they might have exchanged it. Later my DD told me that she didn't want to exchange but her BF made her to do it. She was a bit upset about it. I am so pissed off.

There is no point in talking to her mum as she is a very laid back parent and I have seen her give in her demands. She herself says that that little girl rules the roost in the house which is ridiculous in my opinion. I don't think there is any point talking to the teacher as she can't do much either.

Only thing left to do it to teach my DD resilience and how to stand up for herself. I have told her that friends don't force you to do things what you don't want to do. But how do you teach it to a 4 year old something that is against her personality?

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Doubleorquits · 07/03/2019 17:01

I don't think it's something you can teach.

Flamingosnbears · 07/03/2019 17:06

It sounds like it's going to be a life lesson... You could have a little chat with the teacher and make her aware of how your feeling.

IHeartKingThistle · 07/03/2019 17:12

DS was like this in nursery, would just stand there while another kid took something away from him.

We did role playing which really helped, and I got him repeating and practising stock phrases like 'Stop it, I don't like it' and 'It's my turn.' Also practised using the right voice - assertive, not whiny, down at the end of the sentence not up. Sounds mad but it really helped him - he's still not super assertive at 9 but he's confident and no longer a pushover.

So I would dispute the idea that you can't teach it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

Original poster

gruffaloschildgonewild · 07/03/2019 17:24

@IHeartKingThistle can you please give me examples about role plays? I am not good at role play games. Honestly this girl can argue for the world with me and her dad but complete opposite when it comes to other people.

I so want to chat to her teacher but I don't want to be that parent who helicopters every aspect of their child's life. And even if I do, what would I say?

OP posts:

wombatsears · 07/03/2019 17:36

Of course you can teach resilience. It’s about opening a child up to experiences where they have to use resilience so they can practise and build up their confidence.

I also think the role play sounds like a good idea.

DerbyRacer · 07/03/2019 17:37

I agree with previous poster about role play. I always use this to help my ds learn how to react in certain situations. I also think you should speak to the class teacher about your concerns.

DerbyRacer · 07/03/2019 17:39

Tell the teacher what you have told us. Tell them what happened with the costume and ask if they can help with teaching your dc how to deal with these situations.

DerbyRacer · 07/03/2019 17:45

For role play. If someone persuaded my ds to change costume and he did not want to I would ask him to explain to me how it happened. Who said what to who? Then we would act out the way it should have happened with ds saying no, I don't want to swap my costume with you. Sometimes I would write down our role play making it into a comic strip with pictures and the words in bubbles. It really helped my ds.

IHeartKingThistle · 07/03/2019 17:46

I literally just said 'pretend we're at school and I'm going to take your toy away'. Stuff like that. Kids are better at that stuff than us!

should I also admit that I role played 'opening Christmas presents that we don't like' to make sure they didn't embarrass me?

Doubleorquits · 07/03/2019 20:03

I suppose you could try to teach.
I had a friend who had a 2 year old. DD would have been 1.
They came for a play date.
This boy kept trying to hug her. I don't know whether he has special needs or what. Dd was tiny. She would have been a year and a half maybe? I have no idea where she managed to get her words from, but every time he mauled her, she would push against his chest and say 'Go way'. She didn't need me to intervene, but looked to me for approval and I smiled and she continued to push him away.
I think it's innately in you or it's not. It's very hard to teach something like that. If I was to try to teach it? Yes, you push him! Tell them that it's ok!
Bless her, she couldn't even talk, but she was so annoyed. We (parents) were trying not to laugh!

Doubleorquits · 07/03/2019 20:08

Sorry, longwinded post there. I think you need to teach them that it's ok to say 'go way' or to fuck off lol

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