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Parenting

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Dangerous 'flirting' on instagram by 16 y.o. daughter

6 replies

steveca · 06/03/2019 09:13

What makes a 16 year old girl flirt so dangerously on instagram? She posts provocative photos, chats flirtatiously with guys, some of whom are in their late 20's and nearly all of them completely unknown. She was pregnant 2 months ago and had an abortion which, despite our telling her how dangerous her activities were, she just treated as a routine part of life and wanted to go out straight away after leaving the clinic.
She routinely uses cannabis and seems to be acting as a distribution point among other school kids for the guy who sells it.
Academically, she has completely given up. she's repeating a year at school and doing just as badly this year as last year (and making even less effort with regular truancy and no homework at all).
She has now given up all sporting activity and we are pretty desperate. She has two younger siblings who are doing reasonably well in most respects but we are really scared of where this is leading.
Anybody out there who can give any hints or suggest directions to explore?

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Jackshouse · 06/03/2019 12:32

I have this kind of behaviour before, mostly commonly with girls/young women with attachment disorder. Have you suggested counselling?

If she is a distribution point for drugs then legally speaking she is dealing.

YogaWannabe · 06/03/2019 12:35

This is all my worst fears OP, I’ve seen it a lot among my friends.
One of my friends parents sent her to live with an aunt in a rural area of another country to get her away from the people and lifestyle she was living. It worked too!

steveca · 06/03/2019 13:04

How long did she stay in the rural environment and was it an environment in which she couldn't speak the language, etc?
That idea is along the lines of something we've been discussing but we don't have any convenient relatives living abroad. One of the parents could go with her but the interaction between us and the daughter seems to be one of the problems.

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YogaWannabe · 06/03/2019 13:09

She went for a couple of years, from the age of 13 to 16 or 17.
She learnt the language and it ended up really changing her life for the better!

Of course it’s not feasible in every circumstance though and splitting the family up and having one of the parents going two probably wouldn’t be a good idea for the other children.
It’s sich a tricky one

steveca · 07/03/2019 21:42

YogaWannabe,
Thanks. It's good to hear of the experiences of others and having the chance to think about them and see whether they could help our situation. You're spot on when you say that one parent going wouldn't be great with the brother and sister (nor for the parents either come to that) and it probably won't happen but we are desperate and so can't rule anything out.
Good to hear that it worked out well for your friend. Thanks again.

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steveca · 07/03/2019 22:11

Jackshouse, thanks for your comments. I wasn't aware of Attachment Disorder but I'm swotting up on it now. She spent some time visiting a psychologist who seemed to think things were not to bad, etc, etc but things have certainly turned a lot worse since and we will be getting further help next week. No idea how cooperative our daughter will be but it needs to be done. I'll at least be able to talk to the counsellor with a bit of research behind me regarding Attachment Disorder, which kind of fits in with some of our family story.
Thanks a lot for your contribution.

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