How can I make my DP feel more involved?

[Newmumlearning]

Our little boy is a week old and we spent the first six days in hospital as he had an infection. Now that we are home is is doing the typical newborn thing where he only settles on me, feeds constantly and screams the house down if I'm not there. My partner had to go back to work this week and when he got home today the took the baby so I could get some sleep (I only got an hour last night as the baby won't sleep in his moses basket and I'm too scared to fall asleep with him on me or in the bed!). Unfortunately our DS just screamed and screamed and wouldn't settle for more than a couple of minutes with him. I came down after an hour and the baby immediately calmed down even though he was still on my DP. It's the first time I've ever seen my DP cry! He said he feels like the baby hates him and he can't help like he wants to. I feel so bad because he's amazing with the baby and was amazing whilst we were in hospital. Does anyone have any advice on how to get the baby to settle with DP and how to make him feel more involved?

My gosh you shouldn't be worrying about your DP's feelings. You've literally had the baby a week ago.

Is the baby breastfed? If so, that's completely natural that he only wants to be on you. He knows you're his source of food and therefore his main source of comfort (and survival)

As the baby becomes more aware, he'll begin to notice other people. On weekends, strip the baby down to his vest with no nappy and lay him somewhere warm on a blanket or towel...they like that. Have your DP sit with him (and you) and both talk to him and sing.

Just keep trying baby in small increments with dad. Can he do baby's bath if the baby likes the warm water? My friend's baby screamed with her DH for the first couple months but now adores him. She just kept persevering.

Try wearing your DPs worn t-shirt so that your baby will get used to the scent. Skin to skin will help, too. Time is the other factor... it's only natural that your baby is unsettled as you're all your baby has ever known. Have a Google regarding the 'fourth trimester'.

My DS took about ten weeks to gradually become settled with my DH (that sounds like forever to you right now but I promise it'll go faster than you think, plus all babies are different!). We just kept trying for short periods of time and DH took DS for sleepy cuddles etc.

I read that it was important to keep trying (i.e. if you take baby every time he cries due to unfamiliarity, he'll think that it's right not to trust DH). But we were careful to make sure that he wasn't upset for other reasons and we never pushed it too much (there was only so much crying we could take, knowing I could make it better instantly!).

DH struggled a lot and was really crestfallen to begin with. But now he comes home from work and gets instant smiles, giggles and happy cuddles (DS is 5 months).

It’s such early days, baby will love your DP, but at the moment you’re his whole world.
Skin to skin with dad is a good idea, with you there will help too.
Sleep wise, look up ‘baby sleep information source’. Bed sharing can be safe, but there are some rules to follow.

I think your DP crying is pretty normal too. you’ve just physically had the baby and got all the crazy hormones going on, but he’s also going through the mill with seeing you give birth, his world changing with responsibility, worry about you and baby, sleep deprivation (I hope he’s been helping at nights...)
I’m one to say ‘what about the menz’ normally but he’s also had a massive life changing couple of weeks.
It will get better