I’m new to mumsnet and this is my first thread. I have read mumsnet for as long as I have been a parent, but this is the first time I’m posting a question and a rant simultaneously.
So, my friend. I met her at a prenatal course we used to attend, but we didn’t really talk to each other back then. 4 years on, and we met on the first school day. Our sons are both 4 years old, hers is quite a bit larger though. Since we met, we have been going to the local park after school with the kids, to soft play areas, to her flat etc. The first time I saw her son, I thought he was one of the sweetest children I’d seen - huge blue eyes, a few freckles, pale skin and a lovely smile.
As I got to know him, my perception of his changed drastically. I think I should mention the weekend 2 weeks ago when I asked if my friend was available for a play date/trip to the park, and she invited us over to hers. When we arrived, I found she’d already had another mum around, her son, two older kids (7&10, two boys that live with their grandma, whose behaviour was indescribable, but that’s not the point), a tiny 4 year old girl (my fiend’s friend’s daughter), obviously my son and my friend’s son. We stayed for a couple of hours and it was wild. I watched my son the whole time, I need to say my son generally prefers to play with girls and he is a very gentle, very soft person. I am nothing like boisterous, neither is DP.
In those two hours, I witnessed my friend’s son stomping, and I mean stomping exactly, with force, on to the little girl’s foot with his heavy black metal scooter that he for some reason brought into the sitting room. She started screaming to the point of her lips going blue with exertion. I could tell she was suffering immensely (you know the feeling when you catch your toe on something metal and immovable, and hurts so much you want to cry and sweat seeps through your skin from pain). And guess what? My friend asked her, pardon me, disgusting brat if it was an accident, which he of course confirmed, so she turned round to the little girl who had no parent around, and said so-so said it was an accident, at which point the girl’s crying interferes with what she was saying. The minute she was able to talk again, she said “she’s such an overreacter...”. And then my friend handed the little girl a bag of peas out of the freezer to put on her foot. I can’t express I bad I felt for that child, and how stiff I was with, for some reason, fear. I guess, I was thinking about what horrible things might have gone on before when I’d left my son to stay the night with my friend.
So, fast-forward to today. We picked up the kids from school and went to the local park, where things started happening practically as soon as we passed the gates. The moment I was aware something was wrong, I saw my son lying on the pavement, one arm stretched forward, the other holding on tot his booted foot, crying bitterly. I ran up to him (we were walking slightly behind and talking). I asked what’d happened, my son said my fiend’s child on purpose bashed into his ankles from behind on his scooter. I actually couldn’t believe it, so I said it must have been an accident. My friend came up and asked her kid to “say sorry”, to which he smiled and briefly said “sorry :)”. He obviously was deriving pleasure from seeing my son’s tearful face, eyebrows angled with pain.
We carry on walking. We have a quick coffee at the park cafe. We walk toward the playground, and I’m ACTUALLY SEEING MY EYES MY FRIENDs CHILD PURPOSEFULLY STEERING THE SCOOTER INTO MY WALKING SONs BACK! My son starts crying again, I’m shocked, expecting my friend to say something to her kid, realising that she isn’t, and that I should say something to him. I didn’t say anything to her or to the kid (read: I’m a doormat), went up to my son and loudly and openly told him to please walk next to me, because this other kid just hurt him intentionally. The atmosphere at this point was very tense. She said absolutely nothing about it. Then, 20 mins later, in the playground (I was quite shocked and for some time I took my son to a different part of the playpark, didn’t really feel like chatting, rang DP to vent and to seek support), this boy was running wild and right in front of me, and right in front of his own mother, caught my walking son’s shoulder and just ran on. She again said absolutely nothing. I picked my son up and said we were off to the other part of the park to play frisbee and my friend left to apparently do some shopping.
So here I am, shocked (most of all at how incapable I am of protecting my own child), upset and I’m not sure how to proceed. I cannot take it anymore though. I’m not sure if I should just distance myself from this girl and eventually stop saying hello, or maybe I should tell her why I want to part ways.
I’m sorry my post is long, I feel better for spelling it out though. Please tell me your thoughts, and any advice will be greatly appreciated!