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Original poster

End of the day dramas with toddlers - any solutions?

16 replies

Earlybird · 08/09/2004 11:51

DD and I seem to be getting into a pattern I don't like. DD is 3.7, and is starting to give up her afternoon nap. When she sleeps, it's usually for 2 hours, but probably 3 days a week she won't sleep at all. When she doesn't nap, she is unbearable by the end of the day. We've had far too many evenings recently that have ended in tears with me putting her to bed when we both feel upset.

I want to have peaceful, cozy evenings that follow on from the lovely days we often have. But, our "witching hour" seems to start around tea time, and it deteriorates from there. At that point I'm tired too, so perhaps am not as patient/tolerant as I would be earlier in the day (and as a single mum can't ask dd/dp to take over).

She digs her heels in on something minor, and it escalates into a battle of the wills that "ruins" a nice day. The silliest things set her off - she doesn't like the new toothpaste so completely breaks down and refuses to brush her teeth (we now have 3 different kinds of toothpaste all of which she refuses to use), refuses to eat her tea or has hysterics if there's something on her plate she doesn't want, etc. Sometimes she will even try to provoke me - her latest method is to spit (not at me, but just to spit). Charming I know, and I have told her repeatedly to stop, but she persists almost as a challenge. Clearly it is not acceptable behaviour, and I have to take a stand. So, often I am putting her to bed when we both are upset. More and more our days are ending this way instead of with nice cuddles and a story. I don't like it.

Anyone got any wonderful solutions for how to stop this trend? If there are no wonderful solutions, would just help to know that others experience this too......

OP posts:

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angryfish · 08/09/2004 11:52

just put her to bed earlier
about 5 30

it dodent last long

angryfish · 08/09/2004 11:53

oh and when she goes abanans just think of someone really handosme - that should distract you
tell her your decision once and then repeat it
if she still winges walk away
do not enter protractedn egotiations

Original poster

Earlybird · 08/09/2004 11:54

really? She already pops out of bed 3 or 4 times each evening before she'll finally settle. BTW, she's in bed between 7.30 and 8 each night....

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Original poster

Earlybird · 08/09/2004 11:56

agree about the protracted negotiations being a no-no, but how do I force her to do something she refuses - like brush her teeth? Clearly that's necessary...

OP posts:

angryfish · 08/09/2004 12:16

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR Too late when she had dropped a nap
I love this stage
the evening starts really early. oh and I would sit on her bed til she is almpst asleep to stop the farting around

angryfish · 08/09/2004 12:16

oh and bin hte teeth is she is annoying IMO
mine dont do hteirs every night - she canlwasy sdo her in th moning.
they wont drop out!!

handlemecarefully · 08/09/2004 22:50

It sounds like she needs her lunch time nap even though she is resisting and fighting it. Could you take her for a drive around lunch time to send her off to the land of nod? That's what I do with my toddler and it works a treat (she won't sleep otherwise)

hovely · 08/09/2004 23:22

same here earlybird. all too often my dh arrives home to find DD in the bath in tears and mummy in tears on the bathroom carpet .
my approach so far has been to try to make her sleep in the day, like handlemecarefully. I try to plan the morning so that she is in the pushchair on the way back from the park at her nap time, then she often does drop off, but just recently she has started mucking about and screaming, kicking pushchair etc (thereby waking up baby ds and sending me absolutely bananas).
so my new approach is going to be to give myself a little break just before tea time. I find she is Ok until about 5pm, so I will have a few minutes by myself with a cup of tea around 4.30 (baby allowing) then hopefully I will have the stamina to be one step ahead of her and able to distract, chat, be patient etc and generally stop the spiral of anger starting. I am also going to bring bedtime forwards a bit, but i think 5.30 is unworkable - she's up at 5.45 or 6am as it is, and I reckon she would just be too hungry to sleep for over 12 hours when she normally does 10.
Also I will not be making a stand on any point of principle - all food will be offered twice then calmly removed, teeth will be brushed without toothpaste if necessary, etc- but i will not be leaving ds anywhere near her as she has started to push him over as attention seeking trick.
good luck, let us know how you get on.

mummyloves · 08/09/2004 23:26

Earlybird, I am in EXACTLY the same boat as you, DS is 3.6, I'm a single mum and on these days when he seeps to refuse his after lunch sleep I'm at my wits end by about 5.30pm. Yes, I too have had the spitting from this usually unbelievably polite little boy and I too am angsting that our days are ending like this , especially because I work all day. Are you usually in the house on your own when this playing up starts? I've found that he's only like this with me on my own when wer'e alone together indoors and that if I make the concerted effort of some sort of activity which involves other children and specifically things like bike rides (he rides I walk!), he's doing something that he enjoys and wants to do anyway. I've noticed that even when he is too tired, he's started to gracefully give up! That said, it takes a huge effort and sometimes I just can't be bothered cos I'm knackered too!

bloss · 09/09/2004 00:00

Message withdrawn

Gingerbear · 09/09/2004 07:25

My DD has started to have tired tantrums in the evenings too. She is 2 and 3 months, still napping during the day (1 hour) and it all seemed to start when we moved her into a bed from her cot. She was fine for a while with the novelty of a big bed, but now the crying starts when I try to undress her for a bath, gets worse as I try to bath her (she was in such a state that she was sick in the bath last night). Then she only calms down after 3 stories and singing songs. I have to sit on the bed until she finally exhausts herself and drops off at 8.30 - 9pm -this is after a bath at 7pm. I am exhausted by this time too.

coddychops · 11/09/2004 15:17

early
did you try my ideas?

Original poster

Earlybird · 11/09/2004 19:53

coddy - been meaning to get back to you, so thanks for nudging me. Yes, I've followed your suggestion and have been putting her to bed earlier on the days she doesn't nap. Haven't managed as early as 5.30, but have made it between 6.30 and 7.00. Will try to do better with it.

Dilemma is on a day like yesterday - she was absolutely shattered and needed her nap. I woke her after 90 minutes, and she was much happier than before. But, it meant that last night was a later bedtime. Unsure if it's better to eliminate naps completely and thus have earlier bedtime consistently, or if I should let her have a nap if I think she'll sleep.

Or should I just dose her up with Calpol? ....sorry couldn't resist after seeing that other ludicrous thread!

OP posts:

prefernot · 11/09/2004 20:51

Hi earlybird, hard to imagine your lovely little dd playing up! As you'll know from my other thread dd has been waking too early so although she's still doing an afternoon nap (though frequently only in her buggy as I told you today) she's exhausted by about 5pm. I have been putting her to bed earlier and she never wakes earlier in the morning than she was already doing. Also I have found that it works ok to alternate bedtimes depending on whether or not she's slept in the afternoon / woken absurdly early etc.

Original poster

Earlybird · 11/09/2004 21:02

hi again prefernot - obviously today was a "no nap" day for both our dd's, so it was an early bedtime tonight for mine. Yours too? If we were both clever, we would be going to bed early ourselves to catch up on sleep! But here we are on mumsnet!

OP posts:

misdee · 11/09/2004 21:08

so am i being mean by putting my dd's between 7-8 regardless of naps?

dd2 is in the process of sropping her last nap, today she was awake at 6am and was alseep by 7pm. we had a great day in the garden, no nasty moments with her behaviour, usually if she doesnt have a nap she is a madam by 5pm, but today she was lovely. and was so easy to settle to sleep as well. Actually i think that is the 1st time this week she has settled with no problems.

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