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Strangers touching your child.

13 replies

Improve12 · 04/03/2019 03:35

The general public, sales assistants and other randoms find that it's completely ok to touch, tickle or pinch cheeks of my child. Why are children considered public property? I think its ok for family, friends and other regulars to interact but complete strangers? Why do they invite themselves to touch without even saying a courtesy "hi" to the child? How do we get older kids to stay away from the stranger in a van with lollipop when society thinks there's no such thing as consent for pre-schoolers? It will become more challenging than it should be when their earlier life experiences are different. I have had so many incidents and I say something every time. On the weekend, I had a complete stranger grab my kid's hand and try to make my child feed themselves when we were out. What the???? It's only on weekends that we get an opportunity to go out as a family and unwind and some kind of invasion of personal space happens every time. This one incident in particular I thought was too much. I told this person off but went home feeling really guilty it happened in the first place. My husband was looking after LO whilst I was getting something from my bag. It happened so quick. Hubby was so shocked it took him a moment to react. I usually tell people don't or I step away etc but people still reach out. Had I made a grown person eat food, tickled them or pinched their cheek I'm pretty sure I'd get slapped. I understand babies are irresistibly cute. My little one sleeps well but I've noticed whenever my child wakes in the middle of the night and is irritable, it's when a stranger has touched them. Are people cool with this? What strategies do you use to keep people away? When DC was small, the pram had a sign saying 'do not touch'. It wasn't effective... Please help out if you have any useful tools. Please don't say things like stay at home because I'm not going to. Child doesn't have this kind of experience at swimming or baby class.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Coyoacan · 04/03/2019 03:48

I see you want your child to be proper English. I live in another culture so can't advise.

dimdarkashian · 04/03/2019 04:25
Confused
barryfromclareisfit · 04/03/2019 05:03

Just tell them, coldly, not to touch.

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NewYoiker · 04/03/2019 05:42
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Treaclesweet · 04/03/2019 05:54

My L.O is only four months and I have had this happen twice already. I try and watch for the type of people now (older women) and keep him in the wrap & walk quickly. If people try to stop me I dodge them.
You could try shaming people also, might make you feel better. I get very panicked about confrontation though so I have not done this.

HappyPunky · 04/03/2019 06:05

I taught my DD to high five and encourage that. With relatives too. I taught her to say cheers with her drink too, that's not even touching.

She's 3 now and is often dirty and snotty. They like the clean ones and don't bother with her now Grin

cushioncuddle · 04/03/2019 06:19

I disagree with someone trying to feed your child however interacting with them is lovely.

Why can't someone talk to your child and interact with them. I love how the Europeans are with children. They seem to have it so right.

Improve12 · 04/03/2019 08:12

Thanks for all your advice
barryfromclareisfit I will try that. Hope it works. LO is a very happy child with an infectious smile. I understand that is attractive but we aren't "asking for it". It's not an invitation. I wouldn't want LO to ever have to not smile cause people around cant control themselves.

Treaclesweet Oh wow. The culprits for us are now all genders but definitely women more. All age groups. Guys tend to hold off. How do I shame people?

Happypunky My one gives high 5s too. Still gets tickled. I will teach LO to say cheers. thanks. Hopefully, LO will use it when they get older. I've heard it decreases with age too. Your idea is great though. Its got me thinking. Perhaps there's like a baby martial arts class or some kind of sign language gesture I can teach for now that has a 'don't touch' vibe to it. LO definitely likes to smile a lot but the second someone comes too close has a 'what the' expression.

Cushioncuddle I actually very much agree with you regarding the talking :). It should always be the first place people start. I find many people fulfil their urge to touch without even acknowledging LO most of the time. I find that distasteful. Regarding the interacting, do you mean why can't they tickle/touch? I have to say I disagree with the euro way if that's what you mean. Cause usually people run their hands up the legs or the chest when they tickle. I wonder how adults like it if I run my hands up their knees, feet or give their chest a little tickle? Perhaps I would know if I go to a waitress and pinch her cheeks... :D There are definitely cultural and religious differences though.

OP posts:
HappyPunky · 04/03/2019 09:11

I never did this but it did amuse me to wonder what the reaction would be if I stroked their cheek.

I regularly went into my local cafe to let DD be passed around so I could eat lunch in peace but I actively avoided the touching in the street

marcopront · 04/03/2019 14:01

We used to live in India. My daughter has an afro. Many people had never seen hair like hers and would come and touch it or take photos. If they had a child with them I would normally touch their child's hair, oddly enough they didn't like that.

DelphiMum · 04/03/2019 19:26

I just hate this. “Do we know you?” .... “because you just started touching us” I find using “us” helps make the point you are touching another human being without their consent.

Frlrlrubert · 04/03/2019 19:44

I honestly think I must project a 'fuck off' aura.

No one ever touched my bump, no one has ever touched my DD (and she's bloody lovely if I do say so myself).

No one touches my dogs without asking if I'm obviously in charge of them (they do it DH is holding the lead).

I wish I could teach it or bottle it so others could benefit. I think it might be a combination of resting bitch face and teacher stare.

Improve12 · 07/03/2019 05:43

HappyPunky I'm going to try my hardest to return the favour and tickle people back. haha. I just have a slight feeling I might get slapped.

Macropront Oh my. I would have been very annoyed with the photo taking. I like your strategy! In my profession its not ok to touch kids so I'd definitely avoid that. The double standards where they feel entitled but we cant is shocking!

Delphipoint great idea. I'm going to use 'us'. Oddly enough I find the younger women come at us when my husband's holding LO haha. It's strange because society portrays men as the ones indulging in non-consensual touching but I find that women photographers, sales consultants, cleaners, everyone do way more unwelcome touching both to adult and baby than males.

Frlrlrubert The facial expression is going to be a hard one. They should hire you to run workshops in resting bitch face as part of antenatal classes.

Oh thank you everyone so much for your help! :)

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