VERY fussy eater - normal or not??

[lauren1982]

Hi there,

Looking for some reassurance/advice from anyone with a fussy eater. Would like to know if what we’re experiencing is ‘normal’ or if we should be looking into this further. And also, how long your fussy eater continued this way!!

Basically, my son is 25 months. Was a good eater until summer last year, which seemed to be trigged when we were in Italy and he was very hot and bothered and basically went off his food. We assumed that it would return to normal once home, but 7 months later it seems to be getting worse, not better. I’ve read into it A LOT and seems the advice alway this

1. Offer a selection of food which contains at least one thing they like.
2. Leave them to it and do not make a fuss or seem bothered.
3. Do not offer any alternatives, i.e pudding, even if they go to bed with nothing (they’re not going to starve).

So have been trying all of these things, but really seems to be making no difference whatsoever. I did read a really good article which advised on all of the above, but also to allow the child to sit at their own little table, eat what they want, and then they can get up and leave when they are finished - all on their terms. So we tried this, and he loves his little table, but if he doesn’t like much - or all - of what I serve him, he will literally take his bib off and walk away, and I wonder if I’ve just made it worse.

What I am finding especially difficult about the whole thing is having to ‘offer a selection’ of food, because preparing it every night, then throwing most (some times all) of it away, makes me feel pretty fed up. My second child is due in three weeks and I just find it really tiring, standing in the kitchen preparing food that I know I’m going to throw. But I know that we are never going to get over this if I don’t keep offering it (btw, I cook his food and freeze it, which is why - once reheated and served to him - I have to throw it away, as can’t re-heat twice).

I would perhaps not feel so upset about it if the selection of foods that he eats wasn’t going down all the time :( He now literally eats only this:

Toast with marmite
Beans (obsessed with them, asks for them every night. I usually puree a bit of carrot in there which makes me feel a bit better)
Tinned tuna (on its own - did eat with sweetcorn, now gone off sweetcorn)
Wholemeal spaghetti on it’s own, won’t touch if there's any sauce near it)
Fish fingers or chicken goujons (I make them myself though)
Pizza (rarely has it though)
Yoghurt
Cereal (he gets either Weetabix or Ready Brek)
Banana (did eat other fruits such as apple, orange, kiwi, melon and strawberries - gone off all of them now)
Cheese & crackers
And obviously anything sweet! (which he rarely gets other than the occasional biscuit)

Obviously I’ve talked to my health advisor about this, and my doctor, and neither seem bothered because he is happy, thriving and a normal weight. My husband's stance on it is to just give him beans every night until he gets sick of them. Sometimes I fee like doing that.

Please make me feel better. This is going to be even harder to deal with when we have another bubba in three weeks!!

Thanks so much for any help.

xxx

To be honest that's quite a varied diet. My DD at a similar age only ate cucumbers, milk, chips and pasta. Literally that.

She was about that fussy until she was 6!

She's 11 now and much better though still limited. Do you suffer from anxiety?

I would never have considered that a varied diet, so that's good to hear you say so :) I do not suffer from anxiety, what makes you ask that? Thank you x

Well it's not an ideal diet but I suppose I'm comparing it to my Dds which was very limited. He definitely doesn't sound "very" fussy to me. I ask id you suffer anxiety because you seem overly concerned. Just keep hiding veg and make your own fruit lollie ices.

I'd say his diet, whilst not ideal, isn't too bad. It includes fruit, veg, carbs, dairy etc.
My DD was around 2 when she too started getting fussy. She'd been blw but that didn't stop her suddenly not liking things she'd previously eaten without question.
Is there anyway to combine some of those things, ie spaghetti with tuna?
Does bribery work? As in, 'you can have beans if you try/eat xxx?'
DD is 4 & often comes to the table, sees dinner & announces 'Eurgh that's disgusting!' It isn't, she's eaten it before & will end up eating most of it but she tries & fails. We've had so many tantrums about dinner but we stick to our guns. It's dinner, it's all she's getting, no pudding unless most of her dinner is eaten. If she won't eat she goes to bed hungry 🤷‍♀️ Her choice.

I think that sounds like a great diet! My DD lives on cereal and yoghurts and not much else, I've pretty much given up now!

I usually cook 'normal' food for us, but then serve up to DD just the bits she likes - plus some easy extras on the side to bulk her options out.

So I make sure at least 1 of our sides is something she will eat plain and keep a bit aside for her before I add sauce etc.

Then chuck a bit of tuna / beans on the side if it looks a bit paltry. Tuna and beans are no effort, you are making the family dinner anyway so doesn't matter if a small bit gets refused and chucked.

Can you have a few pots of preprepared 'acceptable' foods in the fridge that you can just grab and add to the plate?

As others have said, that's actuall a pretty good list

There's a good Facebook group called 'Mealtime Hostage which is full of advice on how to implement the Division of Responsibility. I'd recommend joining that and keep going with cooking him safe food every day alongside the food everyone else is eating.

Thanks for your input everyone. All very helpful replies xx

@Lauren1982 what youve just explained is my son!!...And the food list is exactly the same...but takeaway the pasta...I was worried too & keep offering stuff even if he doesnt like it...i spooned some mash potatoe into his mouth the other week (not forcefully...he let me...) And he screamed and just kept his mouth open screaming so i had to wipe it out...And i started freaking out as my eldest had food adversions his whole life and it was a massive problem (went down the asd route,with lots of other additional problems aswell) but no asd...Speech and language delay...now 11 and eats a lot better...so must of been a phase...But its taking me back there now with my 2 year old...Hes totally healthy tho...reached all milestones...counts to 12...learning ABC...So not worried...But i understand your frustration...your child not wanting to eat a lot of differant foods is stressfull as you want to know their getting their nutrition.

Have you tried just giving him a small portion of whatever you're eating? No need to make different food.

This sounds exactly like my DS. Down to the list of favourite foods and fact that I am expecting a baby in a handful of weeks. It can drive me batty some days. Especially when he has not eaten any vegetables in their natural form for days.

Google "food neophobia"! It is a phase, peaking at around 24 months. If he is at a healthy weight and is hitting his milestones otherwise, try not to worry about the eating for now. Although that is easier said than done.

Google arfid and sed in children if he keeps refusing new foods.

It sounds ok, not brilliant, but definitely ok. There’s a variety of foods and different tastes/textures which to me suggests standard toddler fussiness rather than anything more serious, providing he’s not losing weight and hitting all his milestones. It sounds like you’re handling it well, the only suggestion I’d make, and feel free to ignore it, is with a new baby coming I’d massively cut back on the amount you’re doing yourself if it’s proving stressful to cook food and throw it away. There’s nothing wrong with a shop bought fish finger on occasion! Or store bought pasta sauce if you’re going to say try a bit on the side of his spaghetti to see if he tries it.

Oh and my DD is very similar at home but she eats literally everything at nursery so I know it’s just fussiness (and that she’s not going to starve).

That's not too bad a list for a fuss pot! My DS was very very fussy from about 18 months to well past 3: he would take one look at anything and cry - especially if it was presented slightly differently. I largely did B- take no notice but I never withheld fruit or yoghurt if he didn't eat- despite how I was feeling I said and did nothing.

He is nearly 4 now and like a different child. He certainly isn't adventurous but he has a list of meals he will eat which are reasonably varied, he eats a good range of veg and fruit and has a better appetite. He will still become upset if the food is very different to the norm but I no longer feel stressed or upset - he is a big healthy boy and sits round a table well.

My DD (almost 3) has, for want of better words, never liked food. She never liked baby food. She was prem and small and I think she has a tiny tummy so never eats very much of anything. The list you posted of foods is similar to my DD only possibly slightly more broad than what my DD will eat! I have just accepted this is the way she is tbh. Don’t get me wrong, I have done a lot of things wrong along the way (kept offering foods until she got something she liked because I was so worried about her not eating etc). But now I just tell myself that she’s healthy and has bags of energy so nothing too bad is going on. My husband was apparently an extremely fussy eater as a child and now eats everything so I tell myself it’s just a phase. Meanwhile, I rotate between pasta, fish fingers and chicken dippers - I am a walking breathing parenting cliche! Lunches are the worst as she refuses to eat sandwiches.... 🙈 So she gets crisps and cucumber most days, because I got SO SICK of throwing away so much food. I should keep offering lots of lovely varied things but it just ends up in the bin every time so tbh I’ve stopped. Mostly I offer her something new and she says “don’t like it” without so much as trying it. Trying to make toddlers do things they don’t want to do is much easier said than done right?!

Have you heard of the 'division of responsibility' wrt food?

As a parent, it's your responsibility to decide what, where and when.

The child's responsibility is to decide whether and how much.

Ie you provide good food, at mealtimes (with the family) and also structured snacks (one morning, one evening) so that they don't come to mealtimes too hungry to be able to cope. And then you let them get on with it, and don't worry/interfere..

My DD was a fussy and our breakthrough was when things got too much for me and I decided to start making easy options which we all ate (lots of fish fingers and not worrying too much about veg) and simply stopped caring so much. At 6, she now eats very well and is happy to try most things.

I have 3 children and all of them have been fussy eaters, my eldest particularly.
I got to the point where I was making three different meals every day, and decided that was clearly ridiculous.
The change came when I decided to just do one meal. So that's it. We never have pudding so I never do the whole 'if you have three more bites you can have a yoghurt' - the kitchen is closed after dinner. We have no juice, only water so they don't fill up on juice.
I try to make something in every meal that each of them will like. I don't expect them to eat every meal. But they have all learnt that this food is it; my youngest is 2.8 months and he knows too.
Also, getting them to help cook, lay the table, shop, unpack the shopping - making food familiar helped us.
My children do sometimes go to bed having had no dinner.
Your child's diet sounds alright. I know it's boring and frustrating, trust me, we had a horrendous time with it for years, but honestly, stopping caring so much has been a game changer. My eldest used to only eat pesto pasta, cucumber, fruit or cereal.
Just keep going. Oh and always eat together.