It’s not supposed to be this hard is it? 8 month old...

[Rainbowsandsnowdrops]

Hi,

I’ve posted on Mumsnet before a while back and found it to be really helpful. I feel very isolated and alone in feeling this way as Mums with other babies DD age just seem to have it easy.

Basically, DD had terrible colic until 4 months (dairy allergy we are dealing with). She’s always been a crier- very high needs baby.

She started crawling at 6.5 months and now she is 8 months she just won’t stay still, ever. From the moment she wakes up she is crawling/ standing up on everything- can’t leave her in her cot now as she has fallen back and hit her head a few times. She so hyper active it’s unreal.

She won’t nap. She does this horrendous overtired screech. I can barely go anywhere with her. She will feed to sleep but only when really tired (still BF). Pram can work but it has started taking ages.

She cries on and off all day. I am not enjoying this at all. I love her to bits, obviously. But I met with some Mum friends who’s 8 month olds just sat there and did nothing. I can’t go out for coffee, to pop to the shops. Playgroups are hard because I can’t schedule in naps. She’s just such a difficult baby and I don’t understand what’s wrong. ADHD?!

She’s crying as I write this, she fell asleep in her pram but won’t stay asleep.

Feel like I’m crumbling.

Posted too early. Basically I feel like I have a toddler already. She won’t even let me dress her or change her nappy. I’m just not sure what to do? I thought it would get easier now but it seems to be getting worse. I had some respite at 4-6 months so was optimistic about her going to nursery soon but now I’m not sure how it’s all going to work .

I believe all children go through phases of being more difficult total shits, but it sounds like your daughter ‘hates being a baby’. Believe it or not, one day you will be sitting with a delightful 6 year old, laughing about what a hard baby she was. Try to think logically, you don’t see school-age children crying all day. THIS WON’T LAST. Do not isolate yourself from groups, go to everything and if it’s a nightmare try to laugh it off. Lastly, routine is a must for a high needs baby.

Sending hugs

Some babies are just hard work. My twins were nightmares until they turned about 13 months.

Now they still have their moments but are generally not so demanding.

It’ll be worth it in the end but for now get as much help as you can xx

My DS was like this. Dairy allergy (plus others), miserable, even down to the banging his head off the bloody cot. We moved him into a travel cot at 7.5 months and he's still in it now at almost two.eant we could pop him in there for a bit and not worry about major head injury. We also sleep trained him and forced him into a nap routine which made a massive difference. If it's any comfort, as a toddler he is bloody lovely and lot easier than many of my friends kids.

I’m equally miserable with my child. He’s on the move from the second he wakes up till the second I persuade him to go to sleep, which often takes an hour or two of crawling around and lying him down again and crying. He wakes every hour during the night and I’m too exhausted to deal with how active he is during the day. He cries and whinges and babbles all day. He wants to be on/off my lap, on/off/on/off. He has a death wish and climbs on furniture then leans over the edge, he’s at risk of cracking his skull a dozen times a day. The house is open plan and he pulls up on the cooker and turns the gas knobs, and approaches the fire, and opens drawers and doors so I have to grab him before he jams his fingers. I can’t leave him for a second, I don’t get a break unless I put a cartoon on the tv. Eventually there’ll come a time when I’m not quick enough to save him. He’s already fallen off the coffee table and broken his brand new front teeth. He won’t sit nicely in a cafe, he screeches and tries to escape from the high chair. I can’t carry him because he struggles to escape, he wants to be on the floor and that isn’t always possible if we’re in the park etc. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. ADHD? Autism? I am also crumbling

She’s not that bad at night anymore (well, wakes 1-2 times and always ends up in with me). I feel like we’re past the point of sleep training as she will just stand up in her cot and hurt herself now.

I’ve had phases of this with my DS... very colicky with dairy allergy wouldn’t nap anywhere but on me for ages.... then had some respite and was just beginning to think “hey parenting isn’t so bad” and now he’s 22 months, and never ever stops, has to climb on everything and every time I try to get anything done he’s always getting into some sort of mischeif! And has annoyingly just started hitting and tantrumming 😬 I’m also 8 months pregnant so finding it hard to keep up now.
However my husband had really came into his own and loves this stage

I’m trying to comfort myself by saying it’s just a difficult phase and in a few months things won’t be so challenging... although I’m sure there will be a whole set of new ones 😂

Velvet how old is your son? Sounds so familiar.

I actually bought a playpen. One of those ugly plastic ones, I put all her toys in it so she would be a bit more safe but is still in it crying (while I type away on Mumsnet trying to find a way to ‘fix’ her). I need cake.

My DS was like this. Colic until 4 months too. We gave him Colief in the end and it worked a charm.

It sounds awful but I pretty much stayed at home apart from the odd outing because it was just too stressful. I really do get how isolating it is.
We rarely left the bedroom in the first 6 months. He was still napping every 2 or 3 hours, and he fed to sleep. Insisted on being held all the time so I got a baby carrier which helped massively.
At 6 months we ventured into the lounge, and I watched Netflix whilst he fell asleep.

With the crawling, I'm afraid that's just what they do. Continuously moving 😖 when we moved house we set up the lounge so everything was out of reach, everything was safe. We currently have our playpen rearranged around the piano so he doesn't touch that (the lid is heavy). Baby gates over the doorways. Firegrate over the fire and granite slab at the front of it. Books are high up. Only things accessible are toys and sofa really.

But it gives us some respite. We don't have to worry about constantly picking him up or telling him no. It's our yes space. Elsewhere in the house, there are plenty of things that are out for us to keep an eye on whilst he's milling about. But that one space in the house is a god send.

Lots of toys to amuse.

Try dancing (DS loved music and dancing - still does)

How is she in the pram? I used to take DS out in an attempt to get him to fall asleep without being on the boob (it had limited success 😂). It was only up to the local park but at least we got out a bit.

It got better. I promise you it will for you too.

DS now is happy to play on his own at 20 months. He has no problems leaving me or us leaving the house. He is a very emotionally stable lad and looking back, I wouldn't change his clinginess. I think it made him as confident as he is now.

I had some respite at 4-6 months so was optimistic

She sounds like my 2 at that age.

At least she is only crawling, Ds walked at 9 months.

4-6 months I called the golden period as they were sleeping through the night and not moving when you put them down.

My only suggestion is if you are still BF is when you think she needs an afternoon nap is to BF her to sleep.

Surround yourself with nice snacks and the tv remote and let her sleep on you whilst you watch afternoon tv.

A tip for when you are out and she does walk. Reins are really short and didn’t get them to use up their energy.

I used a combination of reins and an extendable dog lead.

It does get better.

Mine are 16 and 19 and that brings with it a whole new set of problems

I think it helps to act a bit like you have another child - so you can't actually base all your decisions around this one, essentially lowering your standards. So many people think it is easier second time around because the baby gets used to having to get up and go on the nursery/school run, having to fit in around the toddler classes.

So just go to the groups, and let the baby fit in around it, go for a walk with the pram at the same approx time each day. Also, take them swimming as it tires babies out in a brilliant way. I always found the worst days were the unstructured, constant pottering days and the best were the busy and actively tired out days. Make a plan for what will be both exciting and tiring for your baby and even if it doesn't get easier minute by minute, the hours pass quicker - good luck (this too shall pass)!

Thanks everyone. I do actually get out and about a lot, or try to. But I am finding it hard to do recently.

The problem is if we are out and she is overtired she will scream- not usual crying, like an awful high pitched screech. It’s upsetting to deal with. So I can’t just go with the flow- we can’t go out and do things if she hasn’t napped. I can manage an hour at baby sensory and she loves it- she’s a very smart smiling baby at times but it’s the screaming that comes afterwards.

are you able to factor in a long walk after an activity?

It sounds very difficult, I'm not surprised you're struggling.

Mine is a year old. He’s never slept. Before he could move he would screech with frustration. Now he’s mobile he never sits still.

Hi @Rainbowsandsnowdrops and @VelvetPineapple I know this is an old thread but what you both are describing is exactly like my 7 month old. He is absolutely relentless. I’m just wondering how things have worked out for you since? Did these traits continued into toddlerhood? I also wonder about ADHD etc as he is just so full on/hyper… it’s exhausting 🤯

Hi @Cazzyandthebabe I just wanted to reply to this as I feel it’s my job to make people feel better after I went through everything with my little man. I was a mess.i didn’t feel bonded to him even though he co slept and breastfed. X

He’s two next month and honestly, time helps so much. He never slept, hated anyone but me, my husband and my mum, hated the pram and the car seat, screamed and whines constantly from about 6 months. Between 8-15 months he still didn’t sleep, but started to tantrum during the day and headbang. He threw toys and hated being around anyone but me. I was so upset all the time and just thought what have I done to make him so hyper, so sad and so angry. I had people commenting he was a real angry boy but I knew better as he could be so loving. Anyway, once he could walk properly and talk, he’s gained a new personality almost! Granted he still doesn’t like strangers too much but now his meltdowns are pretty rare. He never ever stops. Everyone comments on this and I’m certain he has ADD as I work in Foundation education and recognise the signs. Since being able to communicate, he has relaxed and his memory is outstanding. He is talking in sentences, knows his alphabet, recognises shapes, can count to ten and is starting to cuddle and seek affection. He’s smashing all of his milestones and is a delight most days- just like any two year old he has his moments but honestly, he’s a brilliant little character x

Thanks so much @Shivers1984 I really appreciate the update! Sounds like you have a wonderful and very bright little boy and it really does give me hope! Thanks for being honest about your experience, it really is very helpful. Hope things continue to get better and better for you and your boy

@Cazzyandthebabe I am still on Mumsnet and saw this thread pop up in parenting! Then I realised it was me. I have name changed since then! We said we would never have another… then had two! As you can see I now have twins!!

And the answer is YES. She is now a delightful, lovely 3 year old. Starting sleeping through at 11 months. It took about 18 months for things to settle down. By age two things were so easy in comparison. She sleeps well, and isn’t anymore active than the average toddler. When it’s your first it is all so new, and to be honest when compared with other babies she was very very active and cried A LOT. She couldn’t deal with being tired and would just meltdown. In hindsight I wish we’d just stayed home and worked around her, as we tried to be out and about doing thing when it was less stressful to just stay home.

It’s been VERY healing to know that it wasn’t me that was doing anything wrong. My twins are so easy in comparison! And you know what? I wouldn’t change anything we went through with her, and it’s made me a strong, more patient and generally just better parent. All 3 of them are easier than she was (so far) and I think we would have struggling if she didn’t test us before!

Thanks so much @Lifewithtwinss !! TWINS! Wow, congratulations 🧡 The fact that you say they are easier says a lot and makes me feel much better 😂
That's really reassuring to hear your update from the other side. I hate wishing time away but I really am hopeful he will be better as a toddler and he is just frustrated by being a baby!
His temperament has improved but he just doesn't stop... it's relentless. But hopefully these will become positive curious/adventurous traits in the future 🤞🏻
Thanks so much for letting me know how you got on, it's so appreciated!