Two under two? Am I mad?

[Alicia870]

DD is 5 months old and for some reason I am so incredibly broody again and seriously considering getting pregnant again soon.
She is my first and I had a really rough pregnancy, delivery and recovery with her. But now that km healed up it's like Mother Nature has made me forget it all and I want to go through the whole process again and want a little brother or sister for her. I do want kids close together anyway and my husband and I have spoken about trying to conceive again around July, when dd is 9 months old. This would mean 18 months between babies (all being well of course with conceiving)
Is this crazy or what do people think of 2 under 2? I kind of want to do it again when it's all fresh in my mind, I'm in the baby zone, and hopefully my body will play ball a bit better considering it won't be so long since it done it before.

I'm also worried about work though, as I will just be going back from mat leave and then hitting them with another pregnancy. But is that something I just shouldn't worry about?

Blondeirish I think you’re right about the jealousy thing.
DC1 was too young when DC2 was born to really remember having me and DH all to herself, so she wasn’t jealous of the baby at all because she couldn’t really remember a time where he wasn’t around.
When he was born, she was so excited and just kept saying “ooo hello baby!” all the time. Then the novelty wore off and she pretty much ignored him for 4 months until he started to show an interest in toys and things. While he was still a baby, she was really sweet trying to help teach him how to roll and crawl etc - it was really cute to watch! The jealousy is only really beginning to creep in now and they are 2 & 3, more so on the youngest one’s part! If DC1 climbs up on the sofa to snuggle up with me, DC2 throws an absolute fit. In his eyes, I am his and his only - he kicks off if DH touches me in his presence too I’m sure it all a phase though!
I’m 11 weeks pregnant with DC3 right now, so we haven’t told the DCs about the new baby yet. I’m pretty sure jealousy won’t be an issue with DC1, she will most likely just act like a little mini-mum. DC2 will be one way or the other - he will either adore a new baby or will be incredibly jealous. I’m not sure which yet

I remember that "lets do it again NOW" feeling - hence, the 11 month age gap between by older two. It all worked out fine in the end but it was incredibly hard work and I was very tired a lot of the time. I don't remember a great deal except sitting with a bowl of slop and feeding a spoonful to each of them and one to myself. They grew up very close, napped at the same time etc etc, and it worked very well for us. However, I can imagine it might not have worked so well with a pair of different personalities and different circumstances. Ultimately, you get what you get and you deal with it accordingly!
I waited 7 years for number 3....

Dc2 was unplanned and a massive surprise (given I was on the pill).

We had, like another posted, planned on waiting until ds gets his free nursery hours.

We either suck it up and pay nursery fees for 2 kids for a couple of years (with a discount for ds) or I stopped working in a job I love and had worked hard for.

We’re going to be poor for a while...

I had 2 under 2, then 3, 3 and under then 4 under 5. It was hard work, still is some days, youngest is 2, oldest is 6! Wouldn’t change it and it seems easier to me than my friend who has large age gaps.

I had 2 under 1 (10 months apart) It was tough but I enjoyed it x

11 months apart between my two - currently 16 and 5 months. Have had day from hell with older one as he’s ill and on days like today I would say don’t do it!!! But other times it’s lovely. No denying it’s bloody hard work though, tough on relationships and finances. Also ive literally had two back to back mat leaves so my boss probably hates me, but hey ho ..

I've just had my second and my dd is 4 and in school and I'm still exhausted. Half term happened inconveniently and I couldn't have coped without a lot of support from my family. You couldn't pay me to have a newborn and a toddler

Mine are 11 months apart (not planned), it’s ok (for us). Now that they’re two and three they are really close and are often mistaken for twins (similar heights etc)

The first (checks calendar) 8 months of 2 under 2 has been a complete blur. I barely remember any of the first few months of DC2s life, and barely have any photos as any time I wasn't dealing with DC2 I was dealing with DC1 who had just had a bomb dropped in their life, and that makes me quite sad.

I think it's doable if you have a lot of support, but if like me and a few others on this thread you have partners who work 6/7 days a week and you literally get no proper break for months (especially if you are breastfeeding) and you have to have an unachievable level of resilience to not let it affect your mental health. Small completely dependant children are hard work and they have broken me over and over again in the last few months.

Now at 8 months old and just 2 I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm getting more good days than bad days, but it's really tested our relationship and I'm exhausted.

I wish DC1 had been much closer to two when DC2 was born as her level of understanding and communication is so much better now and I think it would all have been a bit more achievable rather than a fucking nightmare.

All that being said, I love them to bits and it's lovely to see the relationship that they have and knowing that as they get older it's going to be much easier to entertain them with a close age gap.

I don't think there will be a DC3 though. I'm not sure I can go through newborn hell again.

17 months between my two and I've documented well on MN how much I've struggled, hence my username. Both of my children were awkward, horrendous babies. My youngest is now 10 months so I'm still in the thick of it really, and it's only just got marginally better this past month.

If you have a non velcro, easy baby then it's probably far easier because you do get everything out of the way early. In my cases I've spent 10 months as a hermit because I can't leave the housemates I also can't get anyone to look after them because they're so awkward, and my husband works odd shifts, so I basically have no life.

I certainly wouldn't actively seek it out,but some people take to it well.

My two were 17 months apart. (8+9now). Was incredibly hard ( think double buggies etc) spent days in a mixture of anxiety and despair but when I look back am so incredibly proud of myself. I have two beautiful kids who adore each other( when not fighting) and who I am incredibly proud of. We got there and all the hellish moments are a blur. In fact there's a lot I can't actually remember! I can remember that having a sibling just a little older really helped my little one in all aspects of their development as they would copy so potty training,for example was a breeze with my youngest.

Really interesting info! To be Honest I'm really surprised at myself because although my girl has been a generally easy baby, as in good sleeper and content most of the time, the first couple of months really were very tough.
But it's like I've just somehow blocke it out. I just feel like I'm in baby mode an it would be hard to return to the newborn phase after a couple of years rather than doing it all together and getting it over with.
What about work though how did everyone find that? Ie. Going off on Mat leave shortly after returning and also the eventual return to work with 2 young kids?

I looked forward to coming back to work after ds was born as it gave me much needed “adult time” which I wouldn’t have had if I’d stayed home.

I’m anticipating that two in nursery and being back at work full time will be tough but we will make it work because it’s inportant to me to keep working. For my mental health.

Personally if I were planning it i’d go for between 2-3years being the optimal gap. Particularly if you could afford some nursery fees for the eldest before free hours kick in.

So I’d start TTC when youngest was 15mo assuming no expected difficulties with fertility.

Around 2.5 I think most DC gain more maturity, are more able to do things a bit more independently / without constant attention, so they’re less dependent during the stage you’re stuck constantly feeding a baby. By the time the youngest is on the move you’ve got a 3-4yo who has (hopefully!) got a tiny bit of common sense allowing you to focus more of your attention on the youngest when they’re at the stage of being a constant liability.

Oh yeah nursery costs have been shit too. For two full time places with tax free government funding in my area it's still about £1000 so you have to make sure you're earning at least £25k+ for it to be worthwhile by any stretch I would say.

I took 12 months with my first and 10 months with my second as I'd run out of money. I returned to work for about 5 months and went off again. It's quite common in my business to be fair so noone really cared. I'm also back for the long haul now so I suppose that's a plus for them then anyway.

I’d 15 months between my 2nd and 3rd, then another nearly five years later. I just decided, life is babies for quite a while, and must admit I loved that time. They’re all very close still as adults. I was a SAHM though, I was lucky in that we could afford that.

I had two under two, 15 month between them and they are now 2 and 1 and it was hard for a few weeks but I loved it and still love it. They are really close and love seeing them together. If we could I would have another now

@Alicia870 I had 2 under 2 and although it was sometimes hard (but then again, isn't always a bit?) it was the best decision we made. They are the best of friends now and it was great to get all the baby/toddler years out in one go. Just ignore the fact that 6 years later we decided to have another one...

I had 2 with a 2 year age gap it was fine! I then went on to have a 3rd 8 years later and a 4th a year after that. The 2 under 1 was really hard but 2 in 2 years was great 👍

I have two 14 months apart. Then another 20 months later.

YOU WILL HAVE GCSES YEAR ON YEAR.

No one told me that. I now have years Of exam stress. 😫 6 years of GCSEs and A levels (I also had a fourth, so it couldn’t have been that bad!)

I loved the baby years. It was easier than baby/toddler combo as two babies, two high chairs, double buggy etc (basically they were contained for the first 6 months). They napped at the same time, went to bed at the same time. I was a SAHM so minimal nursery costs. Hard work, but not rocket science. (Do exams at the same time, discover the opposite sex at the same time, start drinking at the same time... 🙄).

I do really, really love this houseful of teens I have. It just gets better and better.

Sorry it's a no from me.
I found out I was pregnant when my third child was 14 weeks old.
I had 9,just turned 4, 13 months and newborn.
It was hard. I cried most days and ended up on antidepressants for a bit when the youngest two were toddlers.
I wouldn't recommend it, they are 14,8,5 and 4 now and although it's easier it's still full on. The eldest two are no bother but the four and five year old are still hard work.
Oh and despite 3 excellent sleepers (slept through around 10 weeks all of them) the fourth child still doesn't sleep through reliably.

WTFdidwedo it’s going to cost us almost £2k a month for nursery. Sigh. Luckily we’re both good earners. And it’ll only be short term pain. Unless our gov decide to scrap free hours or means test them (Channel Islands here).

I wouldn’t have planned it this way and have struggled getting my head around this pregnancy. But I’m sure it’ll be fine in a few months pass the gin

I had two under two with a 17 month gap. It’s been hard work and you’re basically just in survival mode most the time but I am glad I had them close together. Now they are just starting to play together and it’s startjng to feel a bit easier. All my friends are just having their second and I feel so relieved I’ve done it, also the first year goes so fast because it’s so full on!

Forgot to add that one major advantage for me is that my oldest still napped for the first 8 mo the of my youngest as life. Most days I could get them to nap at the same time and it was bliss

Op l had 2, 16 months apart, abroad and my DH worked all over the world, but l found it fine and loved how close they were.

I am a big fan of routines and they slept well so life was busy but good, l had a large dog and used to push them out on a dog walk every morning, it was good for getting back into shape!

I would much rather have two to be home for in the early years, than have them spread out, and as soon as my youngest could crawl they entertained each other quite well.
Later they played together endlessly and happily and freed me up from the endless games a bit.

Also they both wanted to do the same type of activities at each stage which is much easier than dragging a baby in a car seat to brownies or ballet.

They are now 11 and 13 and still get on well most of the time.