Preventing friendship exclusion

[Mamabear12]

My dd just turned 7. She has a lot of friends. However, she sometimes gets close to one and then doesn’t want the others to play with them. She will say they are playing a secret game or that the extra person will ruin the game etc. I would rather she more inclusive to friends. If for example her best friend is not there then she is more then happy to play with the other friend or friends that she did not want joining the game. My dd has always been like this since she started making friends at nursery age 3. I feel bad when she does not want to play or include one of her friends in the game. This is all after school play in a big park. And of course if it were my dd being left out I would not like it. Why does my dd do this? How should I prevent it? I guess this sometimes happens in girl groups. But I think much nicer for everyone to include etc.

I'm not sure why it happens but if she were mine, I'd be telling her that if she excludes her friends there'd be no more trips to the park for a bit.

She needs practice at playing in groups with several other children. Try meeting with a couple of other mums or inviteling two friends to play then you can help if they need a hand sorting problems out. My daughter's friend is a bit like this, I suspect because she is an only child and has not had as much practice at negotiating and cooperating. Not saying all only children are like this obviously.

"I suspect because she is an only child and has not had as much practice at negotiating and cooperating"

That doesn't reflect my experience and there doesn't seem to be any link at all in dd's class.

OP - maybe speak to your dd about how she is making the child who is left out feel. Create empathy.

Its natural for kids to behave this way, its all part of learning about social relationships but you can guide her to see what is kind and unkind behaviour.

My dd is not an only child. She has a brother 20 months younger so is used to playing and sharing. But she has also always had this thing when she has a good friend to only want to play w the one friend and not in a group. I have tried talking to her about how the other night feel etc. I couldn’t say no more park as that would punish my son and the puppy! But I will try to do play dates in groups to see if that helps. And I will also try talking to her again.

You could try reading stories about being a good friend and including others. Something like Strictly no Elephants. Try asking at your local library.

Have a look at the mighty girl website they have some great books and blogs about this.