So my youngest child, who always seemed like the easy one, who smiled and shared and was amazingly kind and was cheerfully floating through life (whilst everyone gave her older sister the requisite attention and fuss) is finally showing signs of not wanting to be sidelined. She will still give away her last smartie and she still adores her big sister and part time daddy who have both (IMO) sidelined or resented her, but she is suddenly full of sass and attitude towards me and her peers. And i’m trying to teach her that’s it’s ok to want attention but that she should vent her spleen at the right time and against the right situation. It’s hard because it’s me against a very strong willed and necessarily independent 6 year old with more chat back than I can even fathom.
So, she recently started to freak out if separated from her 11 year old sister at bed time. And big sis (mental age c.8, for clarity) enjoyed the attention and the addition to our household bedtime drama and encouraged it. Back to shared rooms and more often than not, shared beds.
But then after a while my older girl needed space or a bit of time with me and couldn’t get it due to little sisters seperation anxiety.
After months of musical beds I finally had them sleeping separately in their own new bedrooms and then we had a spell of illness and half term which killed all routine.
Tonight I allowed the older one to have half an hour watching a programme in my room after sending the wee one to bed. (They had agreed to being in the same room and I was ok with that but do not want my 11year old to HAVE to go to bed at 7.30 because her sister insists they can’t be apart). So I said my big girl could stay up for half an hour whilst my little one listened to her story. And then it all kicked off. Screaming, tantrums, crying, like the world was ending. All because I would not make DD1 (is that correct) go to bed at the same time as DD2. I explained about age gaps. I explained that DD2 needs space and a later bed time. I explained about how DD2 was safe and gave hugs and read to her. I explained I couldn't give in to her tantrum. I threatened to make her go back to her room: I threatened that DD1 would stay up longer until she calmed down. I was nice, I was harshly immovable. I even got into a physical situation where I tried to move her to her own bed and left finger marks on her arm where she fought me. I spoke calmly. I raised my voice. I gave options. I gave clear outcomes. I communicated my feelings and I explained that I could not back down. My mum would have smacked me hard and I don’t feel like I can do that but I know nothing I did worked and this child of mine cannot be punished with the removal of anything like TV or treats as she only wants what she wants at the time. So what should I have done? Help me? We rarely battle but I cannot win with her and it’s horrible. Also I need to get some control before she is a teenager or we are all screwed 😬