Did anyone else find maternity leave lonely?

[SMarie123]

I expected to love maternity leave but instead I just found it really lonely? Did anyone else feel the same.

It can be lonely because your friends are at work and young babies aren't great company. You need to make new friends with young babies! Have you tried going to toddler groups and chatting to people? I know it's hard at first but you might make some good friends.

Yep, hated it and went back to work after 5 looooong months. Found it really tiring and not very rewarding. I'm due to quit work when my baby will be 1.5 years old and now she's doing more I'm looking forward to it. But the early months of sitting alone, pushing the pram alone were hard work.

Are there any groups near you, or any friends or family who have time off in the week?

I'm on maternity leave now and whilst I love not having to get up and go to work, I find it very hard and very lonely - and I go to groups twice a week too!

I think it's mostly because DD is at the stage before crawling and is mainly frustrated - keeping her entertained is a full time (exhausting) job and there's only me to do it.

Needless to say, I've been enjoying my KIT days more than I thought I would.

Hated it. Particularly the bit during pregnancy, when there wasn’t even a baby for company! Couldn’t get back to work quickly enough. I felt unemployed. All my friends were out at work, and the only people around all day were pensioners and housewives. Thankfully in those days you only got a few months maternity leave.

I did find it quite lonely last time. This time I have a toddler too so kept very busy during the day! But if feeling lonely best thing is to get out and about- Baby classes were a big help to me

Yes. Very much so. It was only after I returned to work after a year that I realised how low I had been. I missed the conversation, having something to do that wasn’t baby related, being out of the house most of the day. Now i’m back at work I so value being able to read on the bus to and from work, getting out at lunch for a walk round the shops, just gossiping and laughing with my colleagues. And I value my time with DS more too.

I did at first but now I’m really enjoying myself. I walk the dog every day, meet friends on their dinner breaks, I take baby along to local national trust places, go to baby group. The days are flying by!

I loved maternity leave and I'm still loving it nearly 19 months on and not going back.
How far into your leave are you ? What does your daily routine look like ?

It wasn't for me. I don't enjoy baby groups and I didn't like the whole starting new friendships with people I have nothing in common with. I found the whole experience false and dredded anyone asking for my number or arranging to go for a coffee. I don't have close family and friends within 3 hours of myself so it was just me and baby for most of the day. I couldn't wait to get back to work. I went back fulltime after 9 months and haven't regretted it.

I felt that I should feel guilty but then I soon got over it whilst i was enjoying my morning coffee, having my lunch in peace, talking to people about non baby related things - total bliss.

Hello, thanks for all the responses.... I am actually back at work but my husband and I would like another baby. I just can't face maternity leave again. I felt so lonely all the time, I tried mother and baby groups before but I am not great in groups, more one on one. I found the mother's competitive and clichey. I have a dog and I did get to the park and had nice conversations with people, that was much more my kind of chat but it doesn't bond a relationship... it is just a transient meeting.

At the end of maternity leave a friend introduced me to a lovely Mother and baby group and I have met them a good few times. What I liked about meeting them is we have done dinner/ drinks. Maybe I didn't try hard enough with the mother and baby groups in a church hall. I just found them forced.

I think it’s just pure chance whether you find a baby group of intelligent, like minded mums and potential new friends, or a bitchy clique of competitive horrors, or a “nice but dim” collection of women who can’t see beyond teething and nappies as conversation topics!
Let’s face it, they’re a random bunch of strangers with whom all you have in common is maternity leave. The odds on enjoying the encounter are fairly low.
Could you just take a bare minimum of leave and go back to work, OP? The U.K. is unusual in offering such a long absence - I think in the US it’s measured in weeks rather than months.

I think it’s just pure chance whether you find a baby group of intelligent, like minded mums and potential new friends, or a bitchy clique of competitive horrors, or a “nice but dim” collection of women who can’t see beyond teething and nappies as conversation topics!

I think this is very true. I did nct and went to loads of baby groups and coffee mornings, so socialised quite a lot but just didn't find anyone that I had anything in common with beyond babies. Plus I live near a military garrison and the army mums were super cliquey. It kept me busy but was all very forced and I think I was pretty lonely. I've had no contact with anyone I hung out with since I went back to work (full time) tbh. Like you OP I do worry about doing mat leave again if I have another DC.

I found when I had my baby I felt like I was finally part of the actual community. Random people cooing over baby in the supermarkets (before I would of been ignored and invisible). Becoming a 'regular' at the local library so much that the library staff know me by name and having fantastic chats about books. I was 'out and about' so much - baby clinic, stay and play, library singing group etc that I was busier than I had ever been in my life (personal life not work). I didn't make any major best buddies but I was surounded by so much going on. Things I wouldn't have noticed before. By being in a church hall for stay and play I would read notices for things going on in the community - jumble sales, community clean up events, fetes, bingo groups etc. Not always things I would go to but it has made me so much more aware of the community I am in and what is happening and going on. When I was working I never had any of that. My job was my job but it cut me off from my community (although that was part of my struggle with my work/life balance). Yes some days are boring and lonely but I definetly prefer it to being stuck at work.

I found it lonely only sometimes, even though I had a nice bunch of other new Mum friends that I kept in touch with from pregnancy yoga and we all would meet up for lunch or baby yoga classes fairly regularily.
However I enjoyed some quiet time and just me and the baby getting to know one another and we had such a good summer last year I was happy to get out and out walking the pram in the sun!
Although I quite happily like my own company, even I found it lonely enough at times and a bit out of touch with the world, especially when you realise you havent set foot outside the door for a couple of days. Some days I just took myself and baby out for a stroll and got breakfast/lunch. It got more difficult as my son got older as he wanted to be entertained and move around more. Being stuck in the house all day, most days isnt good so I just found places to go and tried to keep busy within reason. I found I spent a lot more money when off too!
I was ready to go back to work, although full time is very difficult.
Now pregnant with number 2, I am looking forward to it again but dont have the same Mummy group of friends off at the same time, but will hopefully have just as enjoyable a time without getting too lonely.

I went out everyday to a different baby class.
I met and chatted to other new mums everyday, almost all were lovely.
I frequently met up NCT mums and they were all lovely.

I was still bored and lonely and worried that I would never like being a mother.
Then I went back to work, felt normal again and it all fell into place.

Mat leave is probably great if you hate your job though

Currently five months into my mat leave and desperate to go back to work because of precisely this. I’m so lonely and bored, despite trying to make sure I see people every day. Now the weather’s getting better it does feel a bit better; I try to go for a couple of walks every day, I’ve made quite a few mum friends and my non-mum friends have been brilliant at keeping in touch, so I’m lucky. Reading posts like these also make me feel better that I’m not just a shit ungrateful mother!

Third dc for me and I have been a sahm for years but can remember quite clearly details about my working life. The thing I miss most is the lovely people I worked with, our job meant we had to pull together and I miss the camaraderie and challenge the job sometimes presented.
I had pnd with my first two dc but I think this time my expectations are much lower and I tend to focus on baby and not whose around me but also I have two school age dc, so have the school run to break things up a bit too. The worse time for me was with my first dc, with my dh out at work all day, the days could seem long even with a baby group thrown in but I also met one of my best friends with whom I am still in touch with. I cant deny that as lovely as baby is, I am looking forward to pre-school starting because it will allow me to do other things and perhaps I will come into contact with more adults, I have a plan to do some volunteering initially but we are talking another two years down the line!
Getting out definitely helps: the fact that you are not staring at the four walls. I am gradually getting into more of a routine as time goes on. I also have a hobby I like to pursue whilst baby sleeps and praying that she doesn't drop her naps anytime soon, they really are a life saver, in clawing back a bit of me time.

I found it very lonely the first time OP yes. I too struggled with the baby groups. I put myself out there but never found anyone I truly bonded with, it was all just crap mindless baby chat mostly. I did find what made a huge difference second time round was doing a short NCT course for second time parents. It was my saviour. It has made me enjoy my second mat leave so much more as I don’t feel that pressure to go out to groups and feel “today I must make a friend”. And frankly I’ve also had my first child to rather keep my mind off any potential loneliness too!

Yep! I hated baby groups - all women claiming their baby could walk at 6 weeks etc yawn!
I was lucky that I had friends before I went on mat leave who had children around the same time - luckily I could speak to them about things that weren't just to do with baby and child boasting.
I worked a bit during my maternity leave to keep me sane!

I hated mat leave with my first baby. I was off for 10 months and found it so lonely. I detested baby groups. It all felt so forced and I found sitting around talking about motherhood and babies really boring.

I didn’t put any pressure on myself with my second child, and enjoyed it loads more. Only had 5 months off that time (which helped) and just really focussed on enjoying my baby, knowing it would fly by. We did some baby classes (no groups though) and I didn’t try to make friends (and didn’t!) but enjoyed the social aspect of it with no pressure. It was all just much less stress, as I knew it would go quickly and wasn’t the be all and end all.

I found my real ‘mum’ friends when my kids started school, to be honest. Friends to go out for dinner, drinks, coffee with etc.

I think it depends where you live and how much is going on. I saw a lot of my parents and aunt and went to baby groups. I did a lot of dressing up of my baby and taking photos!

I think it can be at first. Personally I was so exhausted by 2-3 hours of broken sleep 0er night (DS was an AWFUL sleeper) I knew I couldn't cope at work but was super-jealous of DH heading off to work after 8 hours sleep every night (I was bf so he couldn't really do much other then take over for 1-2 hours in the morning before work).

After 6 months it became less awful though (sleep-wise) and I started to enjoy it. I was actually jealous of DH when I went back to work when DS was 9 months old so he could have 3 months of shared parental leave because DS was so much easier (although I still did 2, dropping to 1, night feeds, DH did all the rest).

Ultimately I'm so glad I took 9 months, and I'm equally glad I let DH take 3 months - it paid off massively, as he's now genuinely an equal parent to DH. Most of our friends say that their DH/DP doesn't do half as much as DH with regards to childcare and house stuff and DH says he didn't really understand how much there is to do at home with a baby/toddler till it happened.

Interestingly, he's now gone 4 days per week to focus on DS and support my career which has picked up massively. I'm so glad he's got my back, since I need to lean in and he already had that layer of seniority.

I'm finding it fine but I do very week (equally well) alone or in company. It helps that my friends work shifts and one is a SAHM so there's usually someone to see on some random weekday. As mine is over halfway done I find myself wishing I'd done more with my time though.

I really enjoyed my maternity leave, I decided to stay at home after and be a SAHM and have never looked back.

I think it's definitely about finding "your" sort of people, if you find some nice groups like you now have done it will be easier. I also don't think it's about " you not trying hard enough " first time around, you just didn't find like minded people. I do agree it's a bit of luck and lots of trying different classes.

Sounds like you have a lovely little group now and will they be off when you are or has it just given the hope that there are actually other parents out there that you could potentially get on with.

I am 17 weeks in and I think I like it... not a huge fan of baby groups ... that I agree with tried to talk to a few people but nothing much in common and too tired to come up with anything particularly inventive .

But I often only stay in one day a week which is food shop day and generally a Thursday every other day I am visiting family I will confess I have my grandparents down the road and mum and dad a 20 min drive away we do swimming ( me and mum ) with the baby , and coffee at mums after then great grandparents and soometimes I will drive out to my place of work, add in Weighing baby injections etc .. we keep pretty busy.

I do feel I have lost my brain a lot from lack of use and my social skills are not what they once were but over all my day feels pretty full.

It’s such an effort to get out the door even for a few hours I look forward to my day in to be honest if I go out there is no nap with baby time either and sometimes I need that so badly 😂

Saying that I feel very anxious about returning to work I don’t know the location of my job not figured out the logistics ( because how can I ) of how or where my little guy is going to go to nursery it’s all a bit of a worry to be honest