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Anyone have a really capable 4 yr old?

21 replies

Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 09:49

I’m so bloody proud of her but also sometimes get waves of worry that her intense focus is a sign of an impending problem. Does anyone else have a really independent and competent 4 yr old? She’s sensitive emotionally and throws the odd strop but she is organised, tidy, observant and helpful. She disappears and I discover she’s tidied all the rooms upstairs, and not ‘kid’ tidy. Everything is folded and straight and toys are nicely categorised, rubbish in the bin, cups put aside to bring downstairs. Like an adult. She’s in nursery but is academically doing well and picks up her big brothers maths and letters, information etc with ease which is wonderful but it’s the careful way she manages the house that makes me uneasy. She notices her baby siblings with a yogurt so rushes over and gets it to put in the sink, sees one with a remote and gets it to place it on a high shelf, notices the baby gate open and closes it in passing. Sees the toilet roll holder empty and fills it without even mentioning it to me. Like it’s natural to do all these jobs. The others are just like forces of destruction who have to be taught every little thing. But she’s been like this since she could talk. She even takes herself off to get dressed and ready for nursery, tidy her breakfast away, pack her bag and go brush her teeth on her own. I’ve noticed she likes to gather her precious things at night and line them up on her bedside in the same way every night. She gets very angry when her little sister steals her things or messes with her bed. She doesn’t seem to freak out about her tidying being undone, just her personal things and space being invaded so maybe isn’t too distressed and people messing up her organisation. It’s helpful to write this out and see that nothing really is yet pointing to OCD or anxiety I think. But does anyone else have a child like this? She is warm and deeply kind (shares with everyone without being asked, even sworn enemy little sister) and social. I think I’m most worried about her becoming rigid about how she likes things and also getting hurt emotionally too easily as she is sensitive and takes offence easily.

Just to add, I’m well aware she’s wonderful and is by far my easiest child to deal with, sometimes I worry I don’t notice her needs with all the noise from the others. She’s always being treated as way older than she is bully our whole family.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 09:49

Bully=by

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Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 09:51

I’ve maybe not explained my worry well😩 Like this morning she went to the bathroom herself, washed hands thoroughly, washed face thoroughly, tidied her hair perfectly wetting it down etc., hair and in and then headed off to do all the next jobs on her list. She doesn’t forget or not bother with any steps in a process.

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IceRebel · 25/02/2019 09:53

Sees the toilet roll holder empty and fills it without even mentioning it to me.

Damn that's impressive, there are some grown adults who could learn a thing or two from her. Grin

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ItsInTheSpoon · 25/02/2019 09:56

She sounds lovely!

Fazackerley · 25/02/2019 09:58

Bless her. What happens if she can't do her jobs? If you make pancakes and get her to help and then have to go straight out?

Lumene · 25/02/2019 09:58

Sounds great. What is your concern?

Fazackerley · 25/02/2019 09:59

My youngest who's now 12 is a bit like this. She's a joy tbh. So self contained and organised but I encourage her to have fun get messy and not bother with things once in a while

NuffSaidSam · 25/02/2019 10:00

She sounds fabulous!!

I know what you mean about though, it is unusual behaviour from a four year old! Perhaps you just got really lucky and have the child we all want?! I don't think it's worth worrying yet, see how it develops as she gets older.

You might find that she just grows out of being helpful.

One of mine was a bit like this, in terms of weirdly independent and competent at that age. She wasn't helpful though! I used to think we could out her up in a flat and she'd be fine by herself! She's 14 now and perfectly normal...her bedroom is a tip! She's still really independent, capable and driven though, which is mostly a good thing.

CoralandTeal · 25/02/2019 10:00

She sounds amazing!!

Fazackerley · 25/02/2019 10:01

Yrs they quite often grow out of it!

PurplePepperEater · 25/02/2019 10:02

Wow can she come and live with me?! She sounds brilliant - she could teach my DP a thing or two 😏

Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 10:05

Faza, yeah, she’s fine with that. So maybe not too rigid. I guess she just loves structure and is a seriously old head. I had all my kids close together so there’s been a lot of independence expected of them all but she is very different to the others in how she goes about things. Definitely nature not nurture.

Lumene, I’m scared of OCD or (ironically) anxiety. She doesn’t have a ‘don’t-give-a-shitometer’ like the others so I worry she gives too many shits or takes life too seriously. Oh and she has to touch everything. Like it’s a compulsion. Stroking the pages in the book I’m reading, any food on the counter needs to be poked, anything unusual needs to be touched and tested. My other daughter is all visual whereas she’s all touch.

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Cornishclio · 25/02/2019 10:30

My older daughter was like this and now as an adult freely admits she is a people pleaser. I think it is nature and family dynamics. She would talk like an adult at 3 years old get herself ready for childminder and help her younger sister get ready. Her room was very organised and she was helpful around the house. Grew out of it once she started school though. I wouldn't worry but maybe make sure she knows it is ok to act like a kid and not be put upon by her younger siblings.

Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 10:39

Thanks Cornishclio, I’ll be mindful of the people pleasing aspect. I tell her and her sister at every opportunity that they don’t have to be ‘perfect daughters or perfect students or perfect anything’. They just need to be the way they want to be. I hate that girls are valued in the context of what they can do for others or defined by how they appear to others. But I’ll be sure to keep an eye on people taking advantage of dds kindness and helpfulness.

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GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 25/02/2019 10:47

Il swap you for one of my messy children if you want?!!

My 6 year old used to be like this, didn’t brush her teeth without asking though! I understand your concern as I spoke to her teacher as I was worried she may have ocd.
Her teacher said she was like that I’m school too and always had a pattern even when coloring .
Well 18 months later and she’s the opposite! I tell her 50 times a day to tidy up etc
So my advice to you is enjoy it while it lasts!

GregoryPeckingDuck · 25/02/2019 10:52

I don’t have anything to contribute but I am really really jealous. I rarely want other people’s kids (or even like them for that matter) but having a child like that would be a dream come true.

Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 10:57

Thank you for the kind words, she is a lovely child. I’ve 3 others though who are as messy as she is tidy so don’t be too envious.

Giveme, that’s interesting! I would love her to stay this way forever as long as she has some balance too. She was actually a placid and easy baby so fingers crossed she is just a no fuss type of person. And laid back with it.

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drspouse · 25/02/2019 11:00

I have some slightly related worries about my DD who is also 4 (but in Reception). She isn't quite like this but a lot of things have to be in their place and if she needs something she will keep asking again and again as if she worries it won't happen.
She is unfortunately a bit under the shadow of my DS who is older and has SEN. We try to spend a lot of individual time with her and hopefully that will help.

Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 11:05

Drspouse, yes, mine can be very insistent and repetitive when she wants something. Like she can’t let it go, though I see this with the others with her it’s less whinging and negotiating and trying different ways to get it, and more just repeating the same ‘I want’ line over and over. The other thing she does is happily sing repetitive tuneless songs in the car which make her big brother crack up or in bed (she’s a night owl) driving her little sister insane and it’s hard to get her to stop.

Now she sounds like a total pain in the arse😂

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drspouse · 25/02/2019 11:18

Oh gosh mine does the endless singing too!
We used to know she was about to fall asleep when she sang "Wheels on the Bus" but now it could be anything, including counting.
School say she's slightly academically behind TBH (though frankly with a summer birthday, in Reception, I don't believe there is any such thing so I'm ignoring them). And she still has toileting issues. But she has had to be so independent in other ways for her age that I do worry.

Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 11:30

Yeah mine is a Sept birthday so one of the eldest and it’s noticable how much bigger and older she is compared to the summer kids. She has quite an advantage there.

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