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Parenting

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Original poster

Help with newborn and toddler

20 replies

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 07:32

I literally don't know how people do it
I have a 6 week old and a 3 year old. The baby is either asleep, feeding or crying. He has very little happy awake time and I'm finding the constant crying so stressful and I cannot get anything done at all, let alone play with the toddler.
Been to GP about the constant crying, he is just a high needs baby who likes to be held constantly (weirdly is perfect at night time!)
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I have such a short window of opportunity every morning to get me and my 3 year old ready while baby naps until he wakes up crying again
Feeds 3 hourly. Tried a sling, hated it.
Any suggestions? I feel like I'm going slowly depressed after a terrible time in hospital with baby in NICU for a week and now this, I love him but I just cant cope

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RainbowWaffles · 25/02/2019 07:46

Dealing with a baby and a toddler is very hard work! Especially when you have a baby who doesn’t like to be put down. Does he like being in his pram when it’s moving or in a bouncer/ on a playmat? What type of sling did you use? Could be that he will be more comfortable in a different type of sling.

I always tried to make sure the toddler has food and an activity before feeding the baby so some playdough, some drawing or a game etc. I also let them watch far more tv and play games on a tablet than I would have done otherwise. I also tried to get out every day so like you say up and dressed early then feed baby shove in pram and take toddler to park or playground for a while. You can always hold and feed the baby there while the older one runs around.

Do you have a DP around or any family who can lend a hand to cut you some slack?

It will get better! 12 weeks is supposed to be the magic age where babies get a bit easier so you are halfway there. Hang tough!

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 08:08

Thank you for your reply. He screams in the pram, bouncer and swing after 5 minutes. Even going for a walk in the pram I get stares from him screaming and people saying poor mite he is hungry, hes not! He just cries a lot
I am getting bad anxiety about leaving the house as he screams in the car seat and wherever we go which is stressful and I feel like I'm damaging him by him crying all the time.
Partner is out the house from 7.30 till 6pm and I don't have any friends so occasionally pop to my mums round the corner but feel like a burden so don't want to go too often! X

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RainbowWaffles · 25/02/2019 08:26

I would hand the baby to him as soon as he comes home and geta break from the crying and holding! Also at the weekend.

Does he take a dummy? Do you have a sling meet near you? I would definitely try to find a sling he can get comfortable in. Mine didn’t like the structured one as newborns but were happy in a fabric sling. It always took a bit of bobbing them around once in it for them to settle down as they tended to fight against it straight after they went in. I also have a friend who carried round her baby when she was a baby as she didn’t realize baby carriers were a thing so you can always just take him out and hold him to get some fresh air if absolutely necessary.

Some babies are just criers, it doesn’t last forever. It’s small comfort when you are in the eye of the storm but you absolutely have to hand him over to DP as much as you can to get a break.

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charlottec16 · 25/02/2019 10:29

Sympathy! I had a 20 month old and newborn and it was very hard work. Now 6 months and 2 and easier. I would persevere with the sling. My newborn resisted it at first and then would spend majority of time in there so I could go on walks etc with my toddler! I couldn’t have coped without stretchy sling.

Get as much help as you can - if you can afford it then pay ppl to watch your toddler for a few hours so you can make sure newborn isn’t overtired and naps well.

The screaming is normal and At 6 weeks the avg is 1-5h crying a day! It generally improves by 12 weeks where avg is then less than an hour a day.

You’re lucky your husband is around to help with bedtime!! That was always the worst time of the day for me.

Lower your expectations of what you can get done and for the next couple months it’s just about survival!

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 12:02

I tried the close caboo sling but we both got boiling hot and it hurt my shoulders.
He doesn't take a dummy, same as my first.
My other half comes in from work and looks after the 2 of them as I cant cook dinner with the baby so it's not really time to me as I'm cooking lol xx

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PresentImperfect · 25/02/2019 12:28

I found toddler and newborn stage soooo hard. Much worse than when I had DC3 and had to do school and nursery run with newborn. At least I could then focus for 6 hours!

Can you afford nursery even for a few days? Or otherwise a home start type thing? Or just getting out to playgroups so DC1 is occupied.

It will get better/ normal but it's hard for most people, you are not alone

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 13:06

She goes to play school for 2 mornings, only 3 hours at a time xx

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chloechloe · 25/02/2019 13:19

You poor thing, that must be really hard. I have 3 under 4 and it’s hard going even though the baby is very easy.

I would persevere with a sling - I think at the beginning it’s important to have one you can get them in quickly so you can start walking and jiggling them before they get too worked up. I have a Marsupi which is a soft sling but it closes with Velcro meaning you can get it on really easily even though it’s not structured.

Have you tried white noise? I put baby in the sling then whack the extractor fan in the kitchen on full blast - it drowns out the crying and soothes him. Or try an app on your phone.

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 14:45

Not heard of that sling, will look into it. He is a big boy already at over 12lbs at 6 weeks and it just kills my back and shoulders.
White noise works a treat to get him to sleep but any awake time is normally spent screaming x

OP posts:

INeedNewShoes · 25/02/2019 14:52

I'd try a sling with a proper lumbar support.

Neither DD or I like the caboo and I'd written off carrying as not being for us. But then was recommended the Ergobaby Adapt (it's suitable from newborn) and both of us loved it and still do (DD still comfy in it 22m). I think the structure is useful for babies who like to be upright on your chest.

Other than that, just sympathy for you! It must be bloody hard work. Have you got family/friends/neighbours who could come and hold the baby for a while or play with your DS?

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 15:06

He does like to be upright on my chest so will look at that one thank you. No friends/neighbour's unfortunately but we do go see my mum/she comes to me quite often but I hate always asking xx

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Sunshinegirl82 · 25/02/2019 17:07

You must be knackered, it sounds like you've got a lot going on.

Is your HV supportive? Could you have a chat with them to see if they can suggest anything?

Does the toddler get the free childcare hours yet? Can you access some more childcare to try and give you a bit of rest?

DS was a very clingy baby and when he finally took a dummy it was a massive help so I reckon it would be worth trying again on that just in case.

I'm sure your DM understands that you're in the eye of the storm and will want to help so don't be afraid to ask her. Have you told her how you feel?

It will get better.

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 17:57

The HV come for an extra visit a couple of weeks ago and said it sounds like I have PTSD due to baby being in NICU and a super fast delivery.
She said she would refer me for counselling and I have heard nothing until today.
She gets free hours after Easter half term but will only be going an extra afternoon as that's all they have. Xx

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SnuggyBuggy · 25/02/2019 18:39

Poor you, NICU is horrible and I can understand how you would get PTSD from it.

I would persevere with baby wearing, mine has only ever liked the upright legs out position but took her a while to get used to being her carriers (started with a wrap and moved on to a ssc)

queenqueenqueen · 25/02/2019 18:42

As PP said I really would persevere with a sling, I loved the caboo have you tried spreading it out at the shoulders?

Sunshinegirl82 · 25/02/2019 19:45

Does she get 15 hours or 30? Can you look at an alternative nursery or perhaps a childminder to make up the extra hours?

I'm glad your HV has referred you for counselling and I hope you can access that quickly and it helps.

Are your in laws supportive? Could they perhaps do a regular day to help out?

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 19:46

Yes I tried spreading it out on my shoulders but still found it hurt them and my back and we were both boiling. I may go back to the sling library and try another x

OP posts:

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 19:47

In laws work full time. I believe she will get 30 come Easter half term as we both work/employed.
I have the option of sending her a whole day on one of her mornings but she is so tired after 3 hours I didn't know if it was a bad idea x

OP posts:

Sunshinegirl82 · 25/02/2019 20:46

I would at least try it. My DS is 2.5 and has done 3 full days at nursery since he was 13 months, he is asleep by 7 after nursery but loves it and copes fine!

Can you afford to pay for some extra hours in the meantime?

Original poster

xxxParisexxx · 25/02/2019 21:04

Maybe I should give it a go then? It wont be until after Easter half term though as cant afford anymore than her 2 sessions she is getting at the moment x

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