Tips for new Mum?!

[MegCharlotte]

Hello!
I am expecting my first baby and would love to hear your top new baby parenting tips.. e.g. what did you buy that were great/that were a waste of money, tips for coping with the transition, lack of sleep etc!
Any advice would be much appreciated!

People saying you should stock up on caffeine and laxatives... just remember if you are breastfeeding, everything still gets passed through to the baby. So research what amount of caffeine is still ok etc. I was given one laxative at the hospital to help with my first poo but they insisted I should not take any more.

Research stuff before you use it. Don't rely on other people's opinions. What worked for me might not for you and vice versa. For example, we love pampers nappies, never used dummies and I didn't need that many maternity pads.
Don't compare your baby to others. And don't wish time away. My son is now 2 and I really regret not making the most of my maternity leave. I work full time now and miss him every day

Oh, and if you see another parent struggling out and about, offer to help. Until you are the struggling parent, you'll never understand how utterly shit it is and how wonderful it is when someone offers to help. If you are breastfeeding and feel nervous, see if you can see anyone else feeding and ask if you can sit with them (or offer nervous looking mum the chance to sit with you). Strength in numbers and you'll not feel as vulnerable.

Trust your instincts and follow your gut.

One man's meat is another man's poison was never so true than with new motherhood (one mothers blissful contented day with a sling is another mothers nightmare).

We all have our thing (or things) that we find tough. Own it, don't apologise for it and certainly don't feel bad if you're freind in your NCT group can cope with the same situation with ease, we're all different. I could take a new born and a toddler to an immunisation appointment, my freind had to have her husband take the day off work because she couldn't face it alone, neither option is wrong so don't judge...

...which leads to the next one, don't judge, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors or who is hiding PND.

But most of all enjoy it because the new born stage whips by.

My tips:
Keep an open mind about what sort of parent you want to be. Guaranteed if you have visions of Gina Ford esque routines your baby will be a high needs Velcro baby. Likewise if you have visions of wafting around with a baby in a fabric wrap and one boob out, your baby will scream blue bloody murder for a nice swaddle and a dummy.

Try to get out of the house every day, unless you really can't face it. But if you find that you really can't face it a lot, seek help.

Don't be afraid of seeking help, cutting corners, lowering your standards etc. But equally if you only feel human with a bit of lipstick and a hoovered living room most days, crack on.

If one group/activity doesn't suit, try another, and another. Loneliness is a killer.

Buy anything plastic second hand. Facebook marketplace is excellent for things like battery powered swinging chairs (LIFESAVER with my two), high chairs, jumperoos, garden slides etc.

If you have a half decent partner, when they go back to work get them to pack you a lunchbox the night before.

Get an extra long charging cable for your phone.

Good luck, you will find your way.

You are all amazing! This advice is invaluable and in some cases, rather amusing!
I feel I could write a book with this, thank you so much, it's far more than I expected to get back :)

Don't buy loads of stuff until you work out what you need (amazon prime is helpful here)

My DD is 3 months old and so far...

I didn't need that many maternity pads, I used about 1.5-2 packs of boots ones and switched to normal heavy pads asap

I have used about 5 boxed of breast pads though and hate the wet feeling of reusable ones

My baby will not keep a hat on, bonnet that ties on solves that issue no DP she doesn't look like a monk

Baby hates lying in the big bath or sink, schnuggle bath where she's sat up stopped the crying

She will burst or wriggle out of a wrapped swaddle so the zipped one is better but a pain so only used in desperation

Certain music may help calm her down but it drive you crazy after a while, same with while noise (luckily she goes to sleep quickly with that and it can be turned off)

Baby won't take avent bottles anymore after a break from them (breastfed), mam bottles work so bought one of those, only have 4/5 avent bottles so it's not huge waste but hopefully she'll get used to them again

Didn't introduce dummy because I didn't want to maybe affect breastfeeding, we have one that is used to help with bottle feeding but up until very recently wouldn't suck on one anyway so am trying to get away with out having one.

Sainsbury's nappies suck, Morrisons were meh, Lidl's are good. Not been to Aldi yet and forgot to try the pampers we got for free so they are sitting unused waiting to be donated.

We got wrap over bodysuits and have since bought bigger sizes because they are soooo much easier to put on a tiny baby

I can't really sleep during the day but the fatigue fog lifted after the first week

I have a cheap wrap carrier that has been a god send at times when she wanted to be held and held and held or she would cry and cry and cry.

Baby sleeps in bed with me and we all sleep better, 40mins vs 2-3 hours at one point, she started doing longer day sleeps without me and then has only just started sleeping in her cot at night.

I have a pretty much permanently stocked nappy bag so I can pick it up and go whenever

I go out a lot, and have done since she was tiny, surprises a lot of people but it helped me feel more normal-ish. Try to have a couple regular things so there is so semblance of routine not days passing in a blur.

Oh I have a practical tip. Before your baby is born buy a little bottle of witch hazel. You can pour it on your pads and keep them in the fridge (honest), it is so cooling and soothing if you tear.

My biggest is to try and relax in to your babies natural routine.

Breastfeed babies feed all the time. It's their way of increase your supply. Many people will say 'oh he/she can't be hungry again' or 'they are just using you as a dummy'. That's fine, they might be, it's what boobs are made for! They just want to suckle all the time and that's normal! Look up cluster feeding.

Sleep is also a mystery and I'm a firm believer that if you've covered the basics of swaddle, sleepyhead, baby is burped and clean then you just need to let it wash over you and get rest when you can! Safe cosleep or just feeding safely while lying down really helped me here as I would nod off sat up otherwise which is much more dangerous.

Get a pop socket for your phone! So much easier to hold it with one hand with one of those! I am glued to my phone during a long night feed to keep me awake!

Biggest one is trust yourself. A lot of new mams (me included) often doubt themselves but now I'm a strong believer in mothers instinct.
But a few different brands of nappies to find which ones best suit. Pp said Sainsburys nappies suck yet they worked best for us, again every baby is different.
Say no to visitors if you'd rather have quality time as a family.
Do you! Yes take the health visitors advice on board but remember you're the parent not them. I went against a lot of their advice simply because it worked for us.
Cuddle that baby as much as you want. Wish I had without the worry of spoiling her. You can't spoil a baby with love.
Best of luck with everything OP x

Be prepared to intercept people kissing your newborn on the lips.
Two people tried kissing my very newly born daughter. Including her grandmother. I was embarrassed to intercept them but now wish I'd taken it more seriously, as it really is dangerous.

Have somewhere to put baby down in every room. Moses basket , bouncer etc. I had the opposite of Velcro babies they both slept in these much better than my arms from day one.
Repack the baby bag when you have a few mins every night. (When partner is around etc) I formula fed so a well stocked bag was essential. It’s one less thing to worry about to get you out of the house and show off that beautiful baby.
My last piece of advice is that don’t worry if things don’t go to plan. At 1 day my dd was diagnosed with a heart defect and whisked to icu. It was the hardest time of my life. She’s now 10 months on the 2nd centile and pushing a walker around as strong as anything. ( looks ridiculous mind you!)

Agree with all of the comments!

I would reiterate just going with the flow if you can, nothing will be how you imagine it and it will all be a giant smack in the chops.

You will feel so emotional in those first few weeks and have spikes in the weeks after, lots of tears. You will probably ask 'what have we done'?! This is all normal but don't be scared to talk to your HV as they are so helpful in contextualising how you are feeling and if it's 'normal'. You might not immediately feel a bond with your baby and this is normal too, it just takes a little longer for some people - try listening to the podcast by Ben fogles wife about first babies/newborns, I listened after and so wished I'd known about it beforehand as it's such an accurate picture and really helpful.

Babies have a massive impact on relationships and as PP has said try not to point score and just help each other out, esp if your sleep deprived you can go through a stage of partner rage similar to PMT .

Whatever happens, you will get through that initial really hard part and see your little ones personality start to shine through, the first time they realise they have arms, hands, feet and move them with wonder is just the start of a lovely journey. Hardest thing you'll ever do but so worth while. Good luck xx

Black knickers
Maternity pads
Sleepyhead (though not everyone will agree but for us - amazing)
Get help with breastfeeding if applicable
And most importantly...AMAZON PRIME

Going back decades here, but when laundering washable breast pads (assuming they are still available) FGS put them in a zipped closed delicates bag. Otherwise they can migrate and try to kill your machine.
We spent a happy hour or two unblocking the inner workings of the washer. Probably also worth using it for baby socks.

Try to only get the essentials not too many outfits in the early weeks, plus you won't know size till baby's here
Try not to put anyone else's needs above yours and baby's if you need a rest have one listen to your body
Don't worry about routine for first couple of weeks go with the flow of what works for you and baby

When you're just out of hospital and people come round to visit, don't feel like you have to spring up, make tea and be a perfect hostess. Ask them to make tea, maybe put a wash on or load the dishwasher. People always say 'let me know if I can help!' but sometimes you need to be specific.

These are a million times easier for night time nappy changes than faffing about with the poppers on a sleepsuit.

#1 advice I can give is join a mother's group.
My local area has a group for first time mums in their first 12 weeks, it's been great to meet other mums and make friends. It's facilitated by the home visiting nurses.

Someone gave me a good quality thermos as a baby gift. I've come to appreciate this gift, as it means I don't have to microwave forgotten cups of tea.

Best things I bought:

Perfect prep machine
Dr Browns bottles
Sleepyhead deluxe
MyHummy
Mamaroo
Video baby monitor
Baby carrier (mine hates soft slings)
Snoozeshade

Pro tip: think far in the future when buying a pram. We bought an Oyster 2 secondhand and it’s great but it is getting a bit wearing taking it apart and carefully fitting it in the boot daily....to the point where we’re going to give it to my MIL (in laws have a massive car) when she takes over childcare upon my return to work, and buy something for us that’s smaller and easier to fold. Plus our 3 month old has a deep and intense hatred for the carrycot and seat unit (yet loves the car seat attached to the chassis) but that’s just her being a weirdo!

Oh also forgot to say - a friend has one of those Auto Rock n Play bassinets from the US. Bloody. Amazing. If I’d have had one of those in the early days of DD, we wouldn’t have had to break our hearts listening to her writhe in discomfort in her Moses basket!

Forgot to say DD has reflux, we weren’t just leaving her in her basket in some uncomfortable position!