MIL unsupervised access to baby

[Kiki92]

So, my DD is 10-months-old, and my MIL has only seen her a handful of times.

Both my partner and I have tried really hard to get her to bond with our DD, but she cancels plans last minute, or just doesn't turn up. We've offered to take DD round to hers, but she declines. We've tried. I've even suggested that my partner and her spend time with our baby alone, without me. That hasn't been welcomed either.

Now, all of a sudden she's offered to have her for a whole weekend so that my partner and I can have some alone time. I, however am hesitant. Why the sudden change? And what a massive change!

Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely offer, and I'm glad that she wants to spend time with her FINALLY. But it's a big jump when she barely knows her... Plus, by nature, my MIL is skatty and somewhat neurotic. She often disappears for days on end and doesn't tell anyone her whereabouts, including her other half. We recieve worried phonecalls at all hours, and the last time she vanished, she'd driven up country. I'm sure she wouldn't do anything so dangerously impulsive with DD, but it's in the back of my mind.

I told my partner I wasn't 100% happy with the offer, and it's caused arguments. Big arguments.

Opinions?

I would not leave my baby with someone unreliable who behaves erratically.

What the hell.

Absolutely no way. What if she just disappears with your baby? What if you can’t get hold of her?

Your partner is being a twat and irresponsible

It would be unfair on your baby to leave them for a weekend with someone she doesn’t know.

Trust need to be earned imo.
An hour here and there if that what you are comfortable with.
A week end. Is she bonkers??
And is your dh for obviously thinking its OK?!

I wonder if MIL has made this offer knowing full well that you’ll refuse. She can then claim the moral high ground and is off the hook for future contact - “Well I offered and you refused, so I’m not offering again”, flouncing off...

Thank you, all! The confirmation is much appreciated.

Could it be she fears tiny babies and would rather deal with a slightly older baby?

Personally I would be very clear that she needs to build a relationship with baby before she can expect the child to settle with her. They're effectively strangers and it wouldn't be fair to subject them to each other for that long!

I also echo other posters thoughts, is she really safe with a baby if she's that erratic?

You're very much in the right, MIL slumds quite unpredictable and unreliable, not someone to leave alone with a baby, especially one she hasnt deigned to get to know.

Good! I wish my partner would agree.
He seems to view his mum's odd behaviour through rose tinted glasses. Urgh.

No way would I be leaving my baby with someone who had only met them a handful of times, no matter who they are