Struggling with 1 year old - what to do, eating, getting stuff done!

[ladybuglou]

Hi

I am really struggling a lot with my 1 year old. I have ME and PND and she's suffered from reflux and lactose intolerance and now suspected cow's milk allergy, so we've had a rough start!

I'm struggling with a lot of things. For one, I have no idea what to do with her during the day when hubby works. When I take her to Bookbug or music groups, she isn't interested in them and instead seeks out library computers or people's phones to play with instead, or just runs around into offices, corridors etc. I've got all sorts of toys, books, playdough, crayons, playsand, fingerpaints, everything possible at home but she rarely shows interest and if she does it's for a minute or so. She only seems interested in electronics like my phone or the TV, playstation etc, which I don't want to have on all the time, I would really like to actually play with her. I'm going to register her for swimming lessons next month and maybe try a baby gymnastics class if I can get to one, but if anyone has any other ideas, I'd be really grateful.

She's also become super picky with eating, which I think may just be a stage? She is only seeming to want meat. I can get her to eat raspberries and dairy free yoghurt, but things like pasta, bread, vegetables, she just refuses or throws them off the highchair. She even picks the meat out of sandwiches, pasta! She's only on 1 6 ounce formula feed a day now and I'm really worried she won;'t get the nutrients she needs. Any tips or even just hearing about your experience would help.

I'm wondering how other mums can get things done, even just basic things like housework. I have a HomeStart helper which is great, so that does help. Hubby works shifts and long hours, my mum passed away a few years ago and dad is unreliable. Hubby only has his mum left and she lives a distance away but tries her best. I am keeping in touch with health visitor, she knows I am finding it tough with pain, fatigue and depression at mo. Also seen GP, so have medication and counselling as well as attending postnatal group, so I'm doing everything I possibly can. Health visitor has helped us apply for nursery, but there is no space and we have been waiting since last year, so it's not likely to be an option anytime soon.

Sorry for such a long and rambled post! If anyone can give me any pointers on any of the above it would really help me.

Thank you x

I found this stage tricky too as they're too little to concentrate on anything for long but too big to stay in the same place! It will get easier as it gets warmer and you can spend ages in the park. In the meantime, swimming is a great idea, just go yourselves as well as lessons, soft play is good and tires them out, it's OK to explore the library as long as you're not letting her rampage, and doing things you have to do like shopping is fine too. My mum was always very good at getting my kids to do housework with her by giving them an extra mop, cloth, whatever, and letting them copy - I was not so good at this but sometimes they would play with a bowl of water and cups etc on the kitchen floor while I worked.

Try to relax about the food. Just keep serving her the good stuff and let her eat what she wants. She will get enough nutrients as long as you're not giving her crap (and I'm sure you're not).

It is hard. But the sun is coming. Nearly spring.

My LO is younger but has been on the rampage since he could first haul himself across the floor. He's obsessed with cables and will spend ages trying to get to one rather than take part in any activity I might pay for. I've scrapped my attempts at lovely play I thought we'd do and instead spend my day chucking balls round for him to chase and making obstacles out of cushions!

As for housework, I try to make the most out of nap time to get stuff done or pop him in the travel cot with a load of toys and just let him yell for 5 minutes while I wash up!

At first I had very high expectations of myself and what I wanted to achieve each day. It’s called perfectionism and along with lack of sleep, it messed with my mental health. I would often feel frustrated by the end of the day, at how little I accomplished in terms of tasks. Getting a teething baby to sleep after a hour or more of crying, just didn’t feel as satisfying. So I had to adjust my expectations. It is perfectly ok to decide that certain household tasks will not get done as often as they use to be.
Instead of doing housework in one go, break it up into smaller tasks. Have 2 minutes, you can clean the bathroom sink and so on.
Do a load of laundry or two every day rather than leaving it for a big washing day.Small tasks throughout every day are more practical than finding a hour or so to get housework done.
Another useful strategy is to get into the habit of associating one task with another. For example, while I am waiting for the kettle to boil in the morning I put the dry dishes away from the night before. Maybe changing a nappy is associated with emptying a bin or having a shower with re-filling the toilet rolls.
make this easier for myself by having cleaning supplies stored where I use them, though out of reach of little ones. For example, I keep a pile of old cloths under the bathroom sink to give it a quick wipe over when it’s looking grubby. That can be often with two boys who like to play in the sand and mud.

I think at this age the best thing is the park, or play Centers where she can run around and touch different things. My son would be on my phone all day if I let him but I limit the screen time to maybe an hour and a half to two a day. If I need to do things around the house I try to involve him but if he's just not interested and is whiny and crying then I'll let him have my phone to watch YouTube videos for a few minutes while I get things done. I prefer him to actually play with things though. If I'm in the kitchen I'll give him a few pans and pour uncooked pasta in them and let him play with it. He puts it in different pans and pretends to cook. If I'm in the bathroom cleaning I'll give him a sponge with a little tub of water and let him "wash" the tub. At this age they love water. Another thing you can try is full a tub with water and put a few plastic cups and little jugs and let her play. Put a towel under it though as it might get messy.

I found that age was hard too, much easier now DD is nearly 2.

We go to a toddler group once a week, and she used to just run off away from the ‘activities’ to look at wires / steps / the window, but I just went with it and let her explore (as long as she wasn’t hurting herself / anyone else!). Now she is much more engaged with the activities.

My advice would be to go to the park / woods etc (if rainy / wet put waterproofs on - even more fun splashing in puddles) and just let her romp around wherever she wants. I find just following DD wherever she goes is much easier than trying to get her to walk a ‘route’. Sit yourself down on a bench with a flask of coffee and let her play with some toys (cars / little animals etc) in the mud for a bit. Mud will make the toys far more interesting!

I find getting out every day in the fresh air is vital to stop us both climbing the walls!

DD also isn’t great at eating - has set things she likes despite having a very varied diet. I just offer healthy, balanced food and hope for the best! She will eat it eventually so I’m not too worried. I don’t want to force it so it becomes a ‘thing’ , just going with her flow.

Speak to your HV about things - ring them and tell them your struggling and ask them to come round.

Food issues are identical to my DD abut the pickiness came later. She does not need formula anymore. She does need 350mg of calcium a day the best milk for this is alpro growing up milk or oatly barista as they are both high in fat. Don’t forget that she will need multivitamins until she is 5 years old. Do you sit down and eat the same food as her at the same time? DD used to take forever to eat at this age so when I had finished eating I would continue to chat to her but potter around her doing jobs in the kitchen.

Definitely try to get a weekly routine. Mon - church toddler group (do see what’s on offer at local churches), Tue - sing and sign, Wed - park or soft play, Thur - swimming, you don’t need an expensive class, Fri - free library sessions.

At home remove all electronic from her sight so she can’t play with them. Put a small selection of toys on the floor and sit on the floor chatting to her. At that age DD liked pouring pasta from container to container and treasure baskets (google it, you will have all the stuff at home). Sing songs, read books, let them explore the house. It is hard work when they are so little and you can’t have a conversation with them and they have an attention span of a nat.

If all else fails pop on Ceebies for 20 mins. It’s not educational.

I found having the radio on in the background helps my sanity and you and the little one can dance together.

Some DC aren't that interested in playing with toys and are more into doing things - my eldest was like this. Agree with taking her to the park, also toddler groups can be better than structured activities like music class if she isn't good at sitting still. Your ideas of baby gym and swimming are great.

The food thing is normal too. I have three DC, all good eaters, and they ALL went through a fussy stage at this age! Try not to make meals into a big deal as she will pick up on any stress. Just offer a good variety of food and pretend you don't care if she doesn't eat any of the veg.

Hang in there OP. You're doing fine!

I feel similarly. I don't have ME but I am beginning to suspect that I am a bit depressed, so I am off to the GP soon.
My middle dc was like this...always into everything accept the activities on offer and then when I took her to more structured things, she just wouldn't follow instructions/had no fear/would run off. I'm not saying this is like your dc because your dc is only 1 and has plenty of time to engage in what's going on, my dc just didn't and it was a relief when she started pre-school at 3. I now have a baby (1 years old next month) and I think I am dreading the toddler stage because of my last experience. I am thinking of swimming with baby as they seem to like water but I live semi-rurally so everything bar one group involves a trip by car/bus etc and sometimes my sleep can be disrupted so don't always feel safe behind the wheel. I know the frustration of not getting anything done because I don't have a second pair of hands (dh works full-time), it is about lowered expectations but I totally get the frustration involved with this.
Watching this thread with interest.

I have been through some of what you are experiencing, but not the ME.
Lower your expectations of getting housework done. with the exception of cooking and washing up, leave the rest. Use time your home start is with you to do some of the bigger cleaning things and leave the rest for when your husband is at home so you can take it in turns looking after baby. I assume your baby still has a nap? Use that time to get a head start on the meal prep and then have a rest...make a cuppa, watch TV, read a book, whatever relaxes you, the need that down time for round 2 of the day. Split your day into chunks so as people have suggested a morning activity, lunch, nap and an afternoon activity.
Let go of unrealistic expectations of how you think you should be spending your time. You don't need additional guilt on top of PND. Focus on having fun with your baby and cramming in some down time for you