Backing up the other parent, what would you have done?

[TescoValueUserName]

I get that ideally you should always have a united front in front of the children, but what if the other parent is plain wrong?

2 examples, tonight there was an argument between my 6 year old and her dad about a "massive scratch on her face" she was crying and saying it wasnt there, he was then even more annoyed with her for arguing with him. She came in to me and I had a look, the massive scratch down her face was about half a cm long and hadn't even drawn blood. I said I wouldn't say it was a massive scratch but you have a small one at the top of your nose. He was pissed off with me for siding with her.

Then last week, she was coming downstairs and slipped down 1 step. He was in the kitchen and shouted at her for running downstairs, I said she wasn't running, he then had a go at me as he knew she was, he wasn't near the stairs and hadn't seen anything.

There have been other things too where he has told her off for doing something when I know she hasn't and he's then been pissed off with me for contradicting him.

I feel like I need to back my daughter up but am I doing the wrong thing here?

I actually think we might be! Yes, he acts like nothing has happened so if I'm grumpy with him it's all me.

He sounds like a rubbish parent OP :(

ALL kids run down the stairs, that's how I know.

I doubt any parent always tells their child off for nothing. That's a typical childish response "I didn't do anything" or "it wasn't me". Children should respect both parents the same not constantly look to one to undermine the other. That's where respect is lost.

If the OP thinks every little thing he does is to control and undermine HER then NEITHER of them are helping by arguing down in front of the child. Its likely splitting hairs though as technically it's not really possible to 'run' down the stairs so its likely he told her off for coming down the stairs too fast and doesn't want to see his daughter in a wheelchair having fallen as a result. Kids always come down the stairs too fast, if they're doing a slow sensible gripping tightly to the banister I'd be wondering what was wrong!.

ALL kids run down the stairs

No they don't.

If a child has done something that deserves telling off, they won't be looking at one parent to undermine the other. But if they're unjustly accused by one parent and the other parent knows it, not unreasonably they will be looking at the second parent not to lie for the sake of backing up the first. If the second parent does lie, undoubtedly that is where respect is lost.

Porpoises

I'm sure you can tell that from the few posts on MN of exactly how good every parent is can you?. How insulting even to the OP to make such an assumption, without the first hint of hearing a different side.

One of the biggest aspects that define us as an effective parent is the choice we make of who will father our children, and be equally responsible for their upbringing. Nobody is perfect but I could certainly never make such a broad, insulting and self-righteous statement based on a few forum posts.

She wasn't running down the stairs and does not run down the stairs. If he had told her off for not taking care on the stairs I would have backed him up but he told her that she was doing something that she wasn't and I'm not going to agree with him.

Without being in the room he makes a decision about what has happened in situations and it makes no difference what anyone that was there and saw it says, he will not back down from his position. He says that he would rather be wrong than take anyone's advice.