Christening-where to draw the line?

[ps1991]

I’m starting to plan my son’s christening and I’m struggling with who to invite. I’d like to do close family and then friends and godparents. Trouble is just doing close family excludes my mum and all of her side of the family which I know will upset her. I very rarely see her and she lives a few hours away. Is there a way I could do our christening without her and then do a celebration of his birth with her side of the family at a later date? She won’t come on her own, and inviting her side of the family means inviting 20+more people!

Why don’t you explain that you have a limit on numbers, so can’t invite everyone?

I would invite your mum, and if she declines, then suggest a family get together at a later date.

@petalflowers I didn’t think about potentially having a limit on numbers, that’s a good idea. Inviting my mum would mean her husband and three (miserable) kids! It just feels like a headache already!

You'll have to weigh up whether the fall out from not inviting her is worth it. If she's the sort that will hold a grudge or be really hurt if she isn't invited then I would. I would mention it to her if you are not inviting her though.

Hey Mum, we've got LOs christening coming up soon, keeping it very small and low key. Would you like me to send you some photos?

Or does that sound worse?! Tricky one!

I think mums are by default are close family even if you don't care for their new family. Unless you are keeping to just godparents I don't see how you can avoid inviting her

I think you should tell her about it but say you realise it's a long way for them to come so you're fine with them not coming. You're planning to visit them soon for a celebration with them.

Why not just invite your mother and her husband, Dh's parents if alive, and godparents/close friends. Who are the 20 extras from her side? You wouldn't need to invite your aunts, uncles, cousins etc. That would be ott for a christening. So surely it's perfectly reasonable to invite your mother and her husband and leave it at that (assuming the 3 miserable kids are adults and not kids in need of childcare )

The three miserable kids are teenagers the oldest being 17 that she will not leave in the house! She has no way of getting to us other than to rely on other family members and would not understand us not inviting her mum and my aunties and uncles, it wouldn’t even cross her mind that they might not be invited! Saying it’s a bit far for her to travel would work well, but my dad and his side of the family live there too and would travel in a heartbeat. All my cousins on her side of the family are younger than 15 so would be coming with there parents if they were invited.

I'd invite mother and her husband and explain you unfortunately are working with limited numbers at the actual ceremony. I'd explain you totally understand they are far away and couldn't come and not to feel bad as you were planning on a larger celebration sometime soon with everyone else.

you can invite who you like, it's up to your mum to make the arrangements or decline.

Not a chance I'd be inviting aunts/uncles and cousins. That's ridiculous. If your mother and her partner cannot make the journey on their own then that's their problem. By all means invite her but make it known that the aunts etc are not invited as it's a christening, not a wedding!

You can obviously invite who you like, but, to a Christening, I would expect the invitations to include the baby's Grandparents (and Great Grandparents) before friends.
If she chooses not to come, that is up to her, but it would seem very odd to me to not invite a child's grandparents to their Christening.

“Mum, were organising dc’s Christening. We’d love you to come, but we’ve got a limit on numbers, so can’t hace x, y, z. I appreciate it’s a long way, but we can help you plan a train journey/pick you up/put yiu up etc abd it would be so good to see you.,”