Formula feeding my newborn; help!

[aymb]

Hello all,

This is my first time posting and I guess I just need some advice.

My little one is now 16 days old, born weighing 6lbs 8oz. Since her birth, we have both struggled+++ with breastfeeding (despite numerous help) due to an awful labour and other health issues. She has struggled to put weight on and it has been recommended to me by two midwives now to formula feed as we are still attending the hospital for frequent weight checks.

I'm feeling increasingly guilty about this as I feel like I have failed as a new mum, especially hearing about how "breast is best", but I'm not sure what else I can do as it's causing both of us numerous upset.

Additionally, my anxiety is through the roof as I'm concerned something will happen to her in the night and I'm continuously bursting into tears when we're left alone as I'm constantly questioning myself.

Any helpful tips / advice would be so appreciated!

Stop feeling like you have failed. You haven't. You just need to feed your baby differently to what you planned. I gave myself a hard time after unsuccessfully trying to breast feed - mine also lost weight because she wasn't latching on properly. I really wanted to breastfeed but the choice was taken out of my hands. I had numerous health care professionals try to help me and I tried hard. I realised that I was getting so stressed about feeding, that I wasn't enjoying the time with my baby. Baby was crying- I was crying! As soon as the pressure was off, I relaxed. Now mine is a chubby cheeked, happy, healthy baby!

Stick to all the advice about how to put baby down at night and try to get some sleep yourself - being tired will only worsen your anxiety. Try and get out during the day, even if it's just for a walk with the pram.

Fed is best. As is a contented baby and s relaxed, rested mum. You are doing your absolute best by baby, you sound like an amazing mum

You absolutely haven’t failed!

Be easy on yourself- you’re barely 2 weeks into the biggest life changing event you’ve ever experienced.

I ff DD after initially wanting to BF and yes, it’s disappointing, but you haven’t let anyone down. I felt similar, but once I got into the swing of things I appreciated the very real advantages of FF-ing and embraced it.

Your dd isn’t going to turn round one day and blame you for not breastfeeding her, and she’s the only person that matters.

We're in a similar situation. We have top top up almost every single day with formula as despite doing everything suggested with feeding and expressing by the evening he's hungry and there's no milk left.

Our view is that it might not be perfect but as long as he's well fed any method is a good method

Feed baby with formula entirely or as top ups what ever is overall best then hold her, hold her hand, look into her eyes, talk to her, enjoy her

Don’t let the feeding method feel like a failure it’s only part of raising your child

Is there someone who will give you some tlc and make you some time to sleep if so consider accepting it x

You haven't failed, formula will do her no harm at all. What's best for you is what works, in this case formula. I'm sure you're a lovely mummy, as long as she gets milk she will be happy!

I could have written this. I still feel v guilty occasionally but the rational bit of me knows there wasn't much we could do so he's been pretty much FF from birth. Those first few months were really hard as everywhere I went there would be BF mother's and I feel like a sham getting my bottle of Cow & Gate out! There's lots of good points about FF, once you're ready to have some time to yourself it makes it easy!

You're doing a great job. Be kind to yourself.

Hey don't be hard on yourself. I have up breast feeding at 4 weeks as I wasn't producing enough milk and he was still hungry after an hour long breast feed.Je was fine on formula (actually better as he had severe reflux so we used a thick reflux formula). You've had a tough start but formula is very easy to get the hang of and your baby will be fine xxxx

You really haven't failed. I was very blase about bf DC2 as I'd had no issues at all with DC1.

DC2 ended up being a failure to thrive baby, lost too much weight and just couldn't get what was needed from BFing. I was poorly following birth complications too and taking many anti biotics.

I cried in Sainsburys when I had to buy formula but DC2 thrived. In the end I topped up with it (at first DC would BF and ended up taking almost a full formula feed) and eventually as DC and I became stronger I was able to drop more formula and BF more.

That worked for us but another time I'd have no qualms about switching to sole FF. We needed the help and I'm so glad it was an option.

You need to be well and so does your wee one. The emotional toll on you at this time is huge, you may well find that once she is feeding well and putting on weight you are less anxious overall.

Xx

Congratulations on your baby OP. My 6 month old was EBF until 3 months at which point I started giving formula top ups on advice of the midwife due to lack of weight gain. I then got stuck in the top up trap and had a further dip in my supply. I wish I hadn't been so quick to take the midwifes advice and top up. There's a Facebook group called breast feeding yummy mummy's which offer loads of advice and support. They can give details of lactation consultants who specialise in breast feeding. Do what you feel is best for you, happy mum,
happy baby (hopefully!) x

Formula is life saving stuff....literally. I wish I hadn't felt so weird about using it. It saved my sanity!! I did a combi feed but I didn't like BF.

Happy mummy happy baby. You will feel a million times better if you start and you'll forget you ever had these worries about using it.

Yes breast is best but fed is better!

I did top up feeds at the start to help weight gain due to tongue tie issues. BF was a harrowing experience for us in the early days and weeks. You can still continue to BF if you want to and reduce FF down the line as BF becomes easier/more established that’s what I did and BF exclusively from about 10 weeks onwards.
Just do what you need to to stay sane/keep baby and yourself happy if that means exclusively FF from now on then so be it, fed is best.

You haven’t failed, you’ve made a whole human being, and you’ve fed, nurtured and comforted your little one for 16 days, you’re a fab mum!

Fed is best. Ime, how baby feeds in the early days seems super important, but nobody really seems to give a shit once they’re a bit older. I beat myself up for not ebf my DTs, and mixed fed for 6 weeks until I realised how it was damaging my mh (milk never came in properly) and ff from then on.

Keep an eye on your anxiety, and if you need it please do speak to your hv/gp for help - I didn’t, and suffered much more than I needed to because I was scared.

Good luck 💐

Formula not poison!! And it’s appalling how woman are made to feel as if it is. It’s safe, nutritious and a perfectly good alternative for breast milk if, for whatever reason, breastfeeding isn’t an option. And I hate how women are made to feel as if there has to be a ‘medical issue’ to justify formula. There doesn’t. “Breastfeeding doesn’t work for us” - no further explanation/justification needed. Job done. Enjoy your baby 👶