Can sisters and brothers be close? How do you help them bond?

[Londonmamabychance]

I have a DD who's 4 and a DS who's 2. I was always hoping they'd be close and play well together, and was anticipating it happening when they got a bit older now DS understands what DD says and can talk himself.

Thye get along okay, the usual squabbles over toys etc. but nothing major, BUT, they hardly play togeher. They tend to play individually with each their things, and when DD tries to engage DS in a game, he hardly ever wants to engange, he runs off to do his own thing, even though he's generally always talking about his DD and wants to join in on her activities when she does NOT want him to, i.e. if she's doing a puzzle, he comes to destory it all.

Them not playing well means they're always pulling on me to play with them, and I genuinly don't have time, I really wish they'd play more.

I have a sister two years apart, and we always played beuatifully, but perhaps that's because we were the same gender?

Would love stories of how sisters and brothers get on, yourself or your kids, and if there's anything you can do to help.

haha shouldn't have said he's talking about his DD, of course meant he is taling about his sister, too many acronyms!

I have a brother 3 years younger than me. Never played with him really. We are very different people. 50 years on am still not really fond of him and we are not close. You really can't force it.

Two year olds rarely play with others more along side watching

Why not get the paint out or play doh when they can play independently

I doubt you always played beautifully with your sister - I have 3 and we weren’t always nice to each other

I think it’s important to teach them they can’t overstep boundaries with each other. It’s SOOO hard to do this because siblings naturally and relentlessly compete for everything and bicker and squabble (not ALL the time but a lot). So I want to tune it out sometimes but when I stop and listen, it’s actually really unacceptable how they treat each other. Small kids naturally fall into overstepping and disrespecting so it’s our job to guide them on that CONSTANTLY!

Clamp down on
-name calling
-grabbing
-nasty tit for tat
-winding each other up
All that.

I think if siblings feel they are not being treated meanly and unfairly, they will have a good chance of growing up as friends.

Also positive reinforcement of good and caring behaviour together, as a team etc. can only help.

@greentulips, you're right, it's an oversimlificatio to say I playd beautifully w my sister, we squabbled LOADS, but, we played all the time too. Fought, made friends, played well, fought, repeat. What I was trying to say - not v eloquently - was that we engaged a lot with each other.

My dd & ds played lovely together when the was young (10 months apart and now 16&17) they've always been close and still are. I now have 2 dds 4&2 and they sometimes play together but when dd4 is playing with her Barbies or lol dolls she doesn't like her little sister playing because she messes her game up 🙈 tbf the 2 year old is very boisterous and likes to just run around causing havoc all by herself she's not really into playing yet.

@apollo oh no, that's what i fear might happen. I guess you're right though, it is what it is.

@auntie, thank you, v good sugestions.

@flowers, good point, maybe DS is just too little to properly play. Also, nice to hear your boy and girl are close! do you think it's about personality, are they quite similar, have sared interests or somthing like that?

You need to unite them against you. Common ground

I fought constantly with my sister. She is now my best friend.

I got on well with my brother, we don't often see each other now as he's matured in to someone I don't really agree with.

2 and 4 is a little young to be worrying about it.

2 year olds don't play together much, give it a year and see what they're like then.

I have a brother 18ish months younger and we hated each other as children, constant fighting and I recall biting him and pushing him down the stairs! He used to destroy my toys and deliberately monopolise my friends. Only started getting on when I was about 16. We're close now though and chat fairly often.

I have 4 DC and they fight like cat and dog. But they also cuddle all the time, snug up on the sofa together etc etc.

Doesn’t matter who is on the outs with who, if anyone from outside the family said a word against one of them they are like a bloody pack protecting each other

my kids are very close, they both went to primary school, from the age of 3, which promoted older kids looking out for younger ones
they always played together and I never interrupted them

they are very lucky that they both have similar interests and spent a lot of time in after school/weekend activities going to the same classes (swimming, orchestras, gymnastics, musical theater)
when they were teens and started arguing for silly reasons I kept telling them - you are closest family you have and you don't want to dislike each other so no fighting, I never favoured one of them over the other
if they don't see each other for few weeks (older is at uni) and they get together they have few hours catching up, joking and watching some favourite tv

it's hard to say what to do but each comment adds interesting perspective and lots of advice in them

The times you can remember playing with your sister will have been when you where older (most people can't remember been 2) give it another year or so and it might improve.

TBH I think kids either get on or don't based on there personality and interests, regardless of sex.

Yeah they are quite similar and have the same interests. They have the same taste in style,music and because they are so close in age they have the same friendship groups (but also have their own friendship groups) I love that their so close. I'm very close to my brother (15 Months part) although we're both married and have our own lives and family's we still text 2/3 times a week and meet up with each others family's often and go for meals or theme parks ect. When we was young I remember playing with my brother for hours we were best friends.

@Londonmamabychance I'm sure in time yours will be playing together nicely.

@Londonmamabychance also just want to add I have a sister too but prefer my brother, even though I'm close to her our bond isn't as strong lol

I have a brother who is three years younger, and as kids we fought all the time. In our teens we started to get along much better and while I wouldn't say we are 'close' as adults, in the sense that we don't talk that much, we never have disagreements, enjoy each other's company and have a lot of fun. So even though it's too bad if they don't play well as small kids, it doesn't mean it will stay that way.

My only brother is 3 years younger than me and we have always been super close! I have an older sister and younger sister (my brothers twin) and I was always his favorite sister 😁

We're still really close now!

I'll add that we did fight but that was just normal sibling stuff!!

Dd 10 and ds 9 are very close. There's 18 months between them.
I don't know why they're so close but I'm glad they are, it makes my life easier!
They shared a bedroom till Dr was 4 and even now like to have the odd 'sleepover' in her room.
They have shared interests, both go to the same scouts, dance class and band - maybe shared interests help?
They have the same friends both in school and at home that span yheir ages and they all play together so there's not really any having to put up with the younger sibling responsibility.

Don't get me wrong they do sometimes argue and sometimes need their own space but overwhelmingly they enjoy each others company. I just hope it lasts!
Your 2 are still very young, there's plenty bond building time yet.

My dp and his sister are really close. Its annoying sonetimes and i can tell her husband gets fed up with it. She texts and emails him constantly, pics of the dog numerous times a day, buys him tons of stuff. She spends a fortune on him at birthdays and xmas. Way more than i do. That bits annoying. But they are both always there for each other, support each other through everything. I dont know how its evolved like this over the years but yes, brothers and sisters can be close and great friends. She is 2 years older.

My brother is 2 years older than me. We generally get on ok now, but that was certainly not the case when we were kids. We were always very different people with completely different interests and attitudes and little in common. It’s fair to say that if we were not related, we would not be friends.

yes, that's one thing as well, I insisted they shared bedroom until they were 10 and 8, they made up lots of games and stories during that time and also have shared memories of listening to the same evening stories on tapes and CD's. They listened to Harry Potter together and watched films later, that definitely brought them very close as they comment on it sometimes.

thanks for all the advice and stories, so interesting and useful! seems that I am worrying about this a bit to early on, haha, typical mum. Guess I'll have to give it some more time and see how it plays out. They will e sharing a rom when we move to our new place soon, so hopefuly this should add to closeness as well.

Yesterday when we were in the playground, there was a really heart-warming moment to put my worries a bit to rest. DD said "you have to look at xx (her brother) all the time when we're here, becasue if he runs away, we'll never find him again. And then I'll have to be bored all the days." So sweet.

Although perhaps a bit self-centered, given that her main worry wasn't DS's safety, but how she'd be bored without him LOL