Guilt over not wanting to BF anymore

[Drama87]

My DD is 9 days old and I'm having a nightmare breastfeeding her. It's incredibly painful and I don't think I'm producing enough milk, I have to feed her every 30-60 minutes including through the night. I'm exhausted.

I've been looking at expressing so my husband can do some feeds in the day while I catch up on sleep, combination feeding with my milk and formula and just giving up and doing formula on its own.

But I just don't know what to do. I cant go on like this, I've had 90 minutes sleep in over 24 hours, I'm getting angry at my baby and my husband is really sad that he can't go anything to help.

Any advice would be welcomed. Everything I've googled just makes you feel guilty for even considering expressing so early on or switching to formula. 😔

Thanks

Day 9 is still really early in the journey of breastfeeding. Are you getting help and support to improve your technique, check for tongue tie etc? Either from hospital, midwives/HV or peer support groups? Breastfeeding is hard for many, especially at the start but for most it will improve over time. This is why you feel guilty as persevering is probably the best thing to do for your baby. Of course there is a chance that you don’t have enough milk or that it won’t improve but if I were you I’d exhaust possibilities by seeking help before moving to formula.

Good luck. Early days with a newborn are really tough. It is normal for a baby to wake for a feed that often. It doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.

Agree with the previous poster. It's a level of exhaustion you could never have imagined. Can your husband do all and any housework/jobs etc so you can literally sit on the couch and feed? The constant feeding is your baby telling your body how much milk to make. You'll be delighted with yourself if you persevere and look back proudly at how you powered through.

Try using nipple shields. I have the mam ones and they're amazing; no pain and my son latches so much better with them

It's so tough isn't it OP. Combination feeding is not a bad thing if it helps you sleep, even one bottle so you can take a nap or during the night.

Have you been to breastfeeding clinics? Try asking your HV to send a lactation consultant to you and you don't even need to get dressed.

Second nipple shields but also consider mixed feeding. Give yourself a break and some sleep and let your husband help. All this guilting about breastfeeding makes me so cross. Yes it's good for the baby but your health and enjoying your baby so you have a good relationship is also very important. And once they're older you realise all that angst was a really devastating waste of time. I managed about 4 months with mine but later found out they were tongue tied ffs. Be kind to yourself!

Sorry just realised you are mixed feeding already

Why not try getting some formula, and leaving your DH to try the baby with it, while you go and get some sleep. Then you will be in a better position to work out what to do. Trying to make decisions when you are as exhausted as you sound now is incredibly difficult. It is OK to stop breast feeding if that is what you decide, but it may be that you find you can carry on, once you have slept for a decent period.

Has baby been checked for tongue tie? And have you had any support around checking baby is latching on properly?

Frequent feeding and cluster feeding are normal with newborns, but a newborn baby consistently wanting feeding every 30-60 minutes round the clock sounds unusually frequent. Mine at that age did have periods were they wanted feeding so frequently, but they were balanced out with periods where they’d go for 3-4 hours between feeds.
I think it would definitely be worth trying to get in touch with a lactation consultant for more support if you decide you want to continue trying to breastfeed.

Also, looking at output - how many wet / dirty nappies are produced, how well baby is gaining weight, how well baby settles between feeds - is generally a far more reliable indicator of how much breastmilk baby’s getting than how often baby feeds.

And while breastfeeding is great when it works, it doesn’t always work out for everyone. It’s okay to stop breastfeeding and switch to expressed breastmilk or formula if you decide that’s best for you.

I found breast feeding too painful and have been exclusively expressing for 6 months. It was tough at the start but I only have to pump 3/4 times a day now and have nearly two months worth in the freezer. You have to pump at least 8 times a day before your supply regulates at between 12-16 weeks.

Firstly congratulations on your baby. They do fed a lot in the early days to increase supply and it is exhausting so well done you for making it this far. It does get easier as time goes on and by all means seek support from your midwife or local groups if you want to keep on breastfeeding/expressing. That said if you want to switch to formula you have nothing to feel guilty about, do what works for you, are you taking care of babys needs?, loving, keeping them safe and warm and healthy I'm gonna guess the answer to that is a big yes. That's what matters. Take the pressure and guilt away, give yourself a break and enjoy your baby. (I say this as a mum who breastfed my 3 kids until they were 12mths and beat myself up several times for wanting to give up)

Congratulations OP!
I was in a similar boat to you a few days ago, DS is 12 days old now, and I was really struggling. I agree with everyone previously- if it's something you're really wanting to persevere with, ask your HV/MW to point you in the right direction for BF support groups that are local to you. It's incredibly hard the first few days, and well done for making it so far!
Whatever your decision, remember fed us best! As long as your baby is getting fed, that's the most important thing, and you've done amazing to get this far.

Thank you for all you responses. We went to a BF workshop yesterday and no tongue tie, issue was her latch. Got that sorted and thought we cracked it but she's still wanting to be fed hourly. Tried expressing and didn't get a huge amount out...

I'm going to buy some of the ready made formula bottles and see how we get on with one or two of them I think, try and get a few hours kip and make a more informed decision when the world seems less tough!

Who knew BF was so hard.... X