Hi! This is my first post, I don't really know how to start so I'll just jump straight in.
I'm really struggling right now. I'm a single parent to a 17 month old. He's a real handful. He's very advanced, physically and with his communication, which I'm proud of, but it makes everyday life a challenge. He's very much a climber, gets into everything, makes a mess. You can't even keep thugs out of his reach because you can guarantee he'll find a way to get to it. Sure, that's what toddlers do. However, I'm a single parent, so all the responsibility is on me. His father has never bothered wit him so he's completely out of the picture. I'm living with my grandparents, and have been for around 5 or so months. They're both in their 70s so it's hard on them too. My parents and I aren't close, and my mum works all the time (she's a nurse) so childcare is difficult. My family put a lot of pressure on me as a parent. They didn't want me to have my son at all. So bad, that my mum booked an appointment for me to terminate and when I told her I couldn't do it she refused to talk to me and even kicked me out. My family are those people who know everything so they like to point out everything I do "wrong" with him. Never what I do well or right. They don't know how to be supportive. Our family have never been that type, never give hugs or anything. So, being a parent alone is difficult enough.
Then, on top of normal parenting issues, I feel like I'm also struggling with life. I'm only 20, nearly 21, and my life is going nowhere. I haven't done anything with my life. It's my own fault for getting pregnant young, I guess. I lost nearly all of my friends when I was pregnant with my son, I ended up left with 1. She eventually vanished from my life recently after a weekend away (she's too busy working, seeing her non-parent and therefore fun friends, and spending time with her new boyfriend). I have a mum friend my age but the bus ride between us would take up to an hour, and with me having a toddler who won't sit still for 5 minutes and she's pregnant with her third, meeting is difficult. I'm totally alone. I've been suffering with depression since around 13, growing up was rough too. Again, my family don't know how to support me. I've tried to talk to them but "we're not professionals so we can't help". They pick at everything my depression "makes" me do, and anything I do is a symptom. "You've not eaten much dinner, you know that's a sign of depression, right?" Yes, I know :) I've been taking Sertraline for a few months now, and definitely feel a difference - I feel it when I miss a day or two. My mental health is a lot better than it was. But my life is still stuck. All I am is a mother. I'm sat here watching people I went to school with settle down, get married, buy houses, go to university, work, travel, all that nice stuff that I long for. I am currently doing a university course, in hopes that it'll move my life along. I know after the 6 long years of this course I'll have a good degree and an amazing job opportunity. But it's getting there that's the issue. My university is a long distance one, so all my work and assignments are from home. That is a huge help for my life. However, it's the other things I need. I'm hoping this will be easier once he starts school. I need a hobby I can stick to for longer than a month. Or a close friend I can hang with. Or a holiday. Just something, anything, to make me feel like a person and not just the role of a mum.
I guess the point of this post it mainly to vent, and get everything out. I don't have anyone I can talk to in real life. So this is my best option.
I'm not looking for any advice, although any given will be appreciated and considered. I just hope someone out there can relate, tell me it's normal, encourage me to keep going. This is just a phase, right? An awful phase, but one that will pass? I hope so.