Help Please

[AusTroubledDad]

I am a 44 year old husband and father of two sons, aged 6 and 2.
I have been married to my wife for 14 years.
Both our sons are from our marriage.
My wife has had post natal depression since the birth of our first son.
My wife has struggled with both of our sons but tries her best.
Both of our sons have not slept through a night in the first 2 years of their lives.
At times she has been suicidal, but no such much recently.
Last year she cried out during the night to our youngest son that "either you or more are going to die" because he doesn't sleep well.
We have had ongoing issues with our marriage for much of the 14 years.
At one stage my wife suddenly left when our eldest son was about 3 years old following an argument with me - she travelled back to her home country for a week then returned - leaving our son in my care with my parents whilst I ran my business.
My wife has anger management issues - About 5 years ago she confronted me with a large knife in the kitchen - About 6 weeks ago she smashed a wooden children's chair on me while I was reading a book to our eldest son.
More recently my wife has been trying her best to cope in the hope that we will have another baby.
Our two sons are from IVF.
We have one more embryo remaining.
My wife wants to use the embryo (hoping for a daughter).
I am naturally hesitant given:

1. My wife's PND;
2. My wife is 42 and I am 44 (although the embryo is from my wife at age 35);
3. Increased financial stress - if we have another child I will be 63 when the child is 18;
4. My wife's inability to cope.

If my wife coped better and we did not have marital issues then I would probably have a third child. But with these issues I am very hesitant. It would be a lot easier not having that third embryo. I would love some independent advice / thoughts. Thanks

It sounds like your wife needs urgent help. Did she ever receive help for PND? You are being abused so if the boot was on the other foot the mums on here would be telling you to leave. However you will be worried about the children. It sounds like she needs mental health input to me.

Thanks Decormad38.
My wife is on medication for the PND.
She does not see a pych regularly but has just recently started seeing one again.
There is a lot more to tell than what I have said.
Of course I know she loves the boys and they love her.
But it is unsettling for the boys to see their mother lose her temper and sometimes yell at them, or even smack them in anger.
I don't want to try to take the boys from their mother.
But if their health is impaired by her actions, I will need to strongly consider it.
Our 6 year old is now seeing a psych due to anxiety issues, also saying he wants to die or kill himself at times - most likely picked up from mum.

I'm so sorry this must be incredibly hard for all of you. Is your wife working?
It's deeply concerning that your six year old son is being so effected by your DW, you're right not to pursue another baby in this situation. Please push for your wife to have more regular appointments with the psychiatrist. She needs all the help available to get better.
Do not feel bad for prioritising your children in this, they need to be protected in this instance.

What an awful situation you are in. You definitely should not bring another child into this mix, especially as your six-year-old already needs additional help.