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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

16 Year Old Rights

17 replies

TRS79 · 17/02/2019 11:03

Hi.

I have a 16 year old son who has taken the stance that he is now 16 years old and can do what he likes. We are fairly relaxed but he just pushes it daily.

Curfews are constantly pushed. What rights do we as a parent have to insist on certain curfews and rules if he disagrees with them?

TRS.

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TeenTimesTwo · 17/02/2019 11:06

I don't think you have 'rights'.

But presumably he is still dependent on you for certain things (money? meals? lifts? holidays?). So what you have is bargaining power.

AJPTaylor · 17/02/2019 11:08

When you say " fairly relaxed" , how relaxed do you mean?
We were fairly relaxed but also had red lines in terms of coming home/telling us their whereabouts, who came to the house.
If they didn't, consequences were loss of spending money, loss of goodwill lifts.

MigGril · 17/02/2019 11:14

Well he can say he can do what he likes. But he still has to be in full time education or an aprentaship until he's 18. Also if he's finalicaly dependent on you then there needs to be respect for the house he lives in. Respect is earned not a given right, he can do what he likes but won't get, food, lifts jobs done (which at his age he can do himself anuway) for him if he isn't respectful of the home he lives in.

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16 year olds Families General parenting

Comefromaway · 17/02/2019 11:15

Well until the end of year 11 he has to be in full time education and you are responsible for him as a child.

College age kids you still have the right to set rules for living in your house. Dd is 17 and lives away from home so she can attend a certain college. Her landlady has the right to set rules and curfews and we as parents have the right to withdraw her funding if she doesn’t comply with expected standards of study and behaviour.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 17/02/2019 11:16

Curfew? 'Be in by 10pm or the door will be locked'

Money? Stop all money.
Lifts? Just straight up laugh in his face.
Washing, cooking, ironing - he can now do this all on his own.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 17/02/2019 11:18

Also who pays for the WiFi? Change the password. And I'm assuming you pay for his phone. So take it away.

At some point the poor sod has had the notion that he is in a position of power.

Just show him he's really really not.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 17/02/2019 11:18

Accept his speech.
Show him the cooker /washer /iron..
Thank him for your early retirement!!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 17/02/2019 11:20

Thank him for your early retirement!!

Do this!

Original poster

TRS79 · 17/02/2019 11:30

We appreciate he is 16, he has to spread his wings and doesn't always want to come with us or eat with us. There are times however where we insist on it and today is one of the times.

It's Sunday. It's family meal time. But this isn't in with his 'plans' today.

If I give in he will just push it next time.

OP posts:

Contraceptionismyfriend · 17/02/2019 11:32

I don't think a Sunday dinner at home should be worth the fight :/
If he doesn't want to eat with you all then that's his choice. Would you rather have a sulky teen at the table?

TeenTimesTwo · 17/02/2019 11:33

Is this a hill you want to die on?

Family Sunday lunch could mess up a whole day's plans.

Whereas e.g. Monday evening dinner could be the same 'family meal' but doesn't impact social life so much.

Negotiate. Make agreements in advance.

Yulebealrite · 17/02/2019 11:37

Respect should be two ways. Negotiate so that you are both happy but ultimately you may need to use that bargaining power if he's not respecting you at all.

Comefromaway · 17/02/2019 11:41

I wouldn’t insist either of the kids (15 & 17) were home for Sunday lunch if they had other plans unless it was a special occasion.

Seeleyboo · 17/02/2019 11:44

That fight isn't worth it. Soon enough though they all come back for Sunday dinner. Mine didn't come for dinners for years then all of a sudden they're texting what's time is lunch. Leave him be.

Comefromaway · 17/02/2019 11:52

As long as he lets you know his plans and is back nya reasonable time I would not insist on having to be home for family meals.

MumUnderTheMoon · 17/02/2019 12:48

This is ridiculous. Yes he is sixteen but he is still legally a child in your home. You and your other half need to agree on the basics. Food a roof over his head and clothing. Since he is so grown up anything else is his concern so no pocket money, no phone, no subscriptions, no tech except for homework and he disconnect him from the WiFi other than for homework. Privileges such as these are earned by respecting your rules as a child in your home.

Shadow1234 · 17/02/2019 22:54

Tbh, I dont think missing a sunday family meal is a big deal (at that age). I used to plate a dinner up for my sons, put them in the fridge when cooled down, and they would heat them up when they came home. Not the same as eating a nice freshly cooked roast, but it was their choice to be out with friends, and they still got to have a dinner - so not really something I would worry about.

As with pushing other boundaries, it would depend on what exactly you are referring to.

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