Friend shouted at my son

[Advent123]

First time posting, mainly after advice/thoughts. At a friend's house last night she shouted at my son, then shouted in his ear putting on a very earie laugh and tried to pick him up from under his armpits. This was because she asked him to pick up toys, but he tells me he couldn't find any as his Sister had done the main ones in the centre of the room. I didn't witness this as I was in another room with my Daughter.My husband was present, he asked her to stop then lost his temper with her, when her behaviour escalated towards my Son and Husband. I feel really upset by the experience, my Son was upset and scared. I'm not precious about friends, family or anyone adult really appropriately telling them off if they are being naughty or in danger. BUT this is very excesses, bullying and intimidating towards a 8 year old.

My gut feeling is to cut her out of our life.I don't trust her and feel very let down. I would hate for my Son to feel frightened and put in the same situation again.

Has anyone experienced a similar thing? Any words of advice about next steps?

I don't think I fully understand, what was she shouting?

Pick up the toys, what are you being naughty other irrelevant stuff, volume just really loud.Then cam down to his level and laughed in his ear, then tried to pick him up.She was then shouting at my son and husband when he asked her to stop.

Have you spoken to her? Just based on what you’ve written I don’t think there’s any excuse for her shouting at him and I don’t think I’d try to pick an 8 year old up.
What’s she like normally?

But your husband lost his temper too so none of it sounds very edifying. Had they been drinking?

I havent spoken to her, at the time I was stood in the hallway getting ready to leave. My husband dealt with it I just wanted to get out of there fast. I hate confrontation. My husband asked for an apology which she said she would not do, deflecting it on him to say she felt threatened. Which is a BS, he was defending our son. He never raises his voice and is very placid.
Normally I guess she can be quite dominant, slightly odd at times. There has been one occassion where she called him a naughty boy as he said he was tired and wanted to go home. There was no shouting and I handled it by telling her it was 730pm and a little boy is not naughty for wanting to be in bed. I felt it odd to me that she would say that.

I'd bin her. She sounds weird as fuck

She had, he hadn't. He never shouts or loses his temper ordinarily. I get your point and he could have handled it better, but I think he saw red and she didnt stop shouting when he asked her to stop. Her trying to pick him up was the last straw I think.

Yep, she sounds like a person I wouldn't want around my children again.

I don't blame your DP for shouting. She was shouting needlessly at your son, and hasn't stopped when asked. That would give a parent very good reason for escalating to shouting at the person being aggressive towards their child.

How is your son after all this? He must have been upset.

He was very quite on the way home and we sat and talked it through. He told us he felt frightened and didn't know what to do when she was shouting. It sounds like he froze from how he has explained it.😓 He is his normal self this morning.

She's a bully! She's asserting dominance for no reason - your job
To do (you and the dad) as your child

Weird. Though I’m not sure what the significance of picking him up is? I’d imagine it would be a struggle to
Pick up an average 8 year old boy?
It all sounds odd and like your friend has some issues. Why would she make eerie noises in his ear or shout in them? I just don’t even picture how this happens...

After last night I'm convinced there are some underlying issues. I wasn't in the room to see it unfold. I was in the bathroom and then hallway. From what my husband said she didnt pick him up, but it was like she was trying to by putting her hands under his armpits. The way I've pictured it in my head is like she would of shaked him or something. I'm shocked and in disbelief, this is why Ive decided to post here to get some impartial thoughts on it. I can't be friends from this point on, I've lost trust in her. And she has even offered an apology or shown an ounce of remorse for how her actions were perceived by my Son/Husband.

If this was one of my friends I wouldn't be calling her a friend anymore. I would give her a miss for sure x

I have no problem with someone asking my child not to do something but I ended a friendship because a so called friend told my child off twice about the same thing (the second time my secondary school aged daughter was humiliated by this so called friend of mine in front of others.) There were other issues too with this person but that was the catalyst for ending the friendship and because of the other issues I didn't bother discussing stuff with her, it just felt like she was never going to change her attitude. I don't think I could trust this woman to be alone with my child after what you describe (your dc was obviously shaken by it.)