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Advice please!! Daughter came home smelling of cigarettes :(

6 replies

DancingQ · 17/02/2019 07:27

So my daughter came home from my ex MIL house yesterday, she was there whilst her dad was at work, her clothes and hair smelt of cigarette smoke. This is not the first time it has happened. I told her dad how annoyed I was about this, he is fully aware no one is to smoke inside around her, and he got on the defensive straight away telling me I was causing problems and that his mum was on the way round to confront me.
She is four and a half and doesn’t understand the concept of lying really yet, so when I asked her about the smoking she admitted ‘Nanny smokes in the kitchen’. I even clarified by showing her a packet of cigarettes and asked her who has these. My mum smokes and so does her dads new gf, she stated they both smoke in the garden but today Nanny smoked in the kitchen. It baffles me how in this age now we know all the damage second hand smoke does how anyone could still smoke around a child!

Anyway sorry for the rambling, but basically what are my rights? I do no want her to be there when she is smoking around my daughter and lying about it. I know that if I tell her dad not to leave her there when he’s not around he’ll ignore it because he’s so out headed he believes she isn’t smoking inside. So I almost don’t want her to be with her dad either, but I know that’s not right. What can I do???

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BertrandRussell · 17/02/2019 07:33

Have you talked to your mil about it?

DancingQ · 17/02/2019 07:40

I haven’t, I was out yesterday when she was supposedly coming round. They’re a family of compulsive liars, if I confronted her she would have just lied and said it wasn’t true. She lied to her husband for years and told him she quit smoking. She wouldn’t do it whilst adults were in the house either.
When I was pregnant and living there she changed the sheets on our bed and smoking whilst doing so, the smell nearly made me physically sick.
This isn’t the only issue with my ex and his family, he Diet is terrible, it’s chocolate for breakfast lunch and dinner, they openly give her coke, no set bedtime routine. I’ve given up fighting with their lifestyle choices but I cannot over look the smoking.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 17/02/2019 07:55

How often does he have DD OP?

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DancingQ · 17/02/2019 07:57

She’s with her dad currently every Wednesday night and Friday night plus every other Saturday night. He takes a very active role in her life, I can’t knock him for that.

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Itssosunnyout · 17/02/2019 08:00

If you aren't happy with it you may well need to look at alternative childcare.
The odd sweet we all know grandparents do but smoking and lying about it is a huge no no.

DancingQ · 17/02/2019 08:09

I could have her when he works, my partner or my parents. She’s the only grandchild so we have so many people happy to look after her.
She’s also the only grandchild on his side so understandably they’re all besotted with her. He leaves her there so they can have time together. He thinks if it’s his time with her his family should have her whilst he is at work.
I’ve been at the end of my tether more times than I can count about so many things, they way they spoil her (in January last year he sent a picture of a whole trolley full of toys after a trip to ToysRUs) and what they feed her. Sorry, using this as a way to vent now too!

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