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Parenting

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Cousins getting naked...

5 replies

unsuremam · 16/02/2019 18:41

DD is 3.5 and her cousin is 5 just started school. The last couple of play dates we have had, they have ended up taking off their clothes and showing each other private parts. The first time we walked in on him on top of her and so have avoided seeing them for about a month but today on the first play date since, we walked in on her pulling up her trousers again. When questioned she says that he asks to see it and shows her his too and that they are playing mummy's and daddy's but tells her to keep it a secret. We have spoken a lot about private parts and that she should not show anyone and that it is hers etc etc and if he asks again that she needs to say no and tell mama and daddy but I still feel very uneasy that it has happened the moment we have met up again. We are close family living only 5 mins away and so it's inevitable that they will see each other and play without supervision. I know that at this age things are innocent and I don't want to make a big deal out of something that I shouldn't be but at the same time there's a little voice in my head that just feels uncomfortable and not I'm sure how else to deal with it?

OP posts:
minipie · 16/02/2019 19:32

Presumably you know his parents well? I think I’d tell his parents and ask if he’s walked in on them DTD recently. If not I’d be wondering where he’s got the idea of getting on top of her from. Showing private parts is fairly normal curiosity I think but this sounds slightly past that?

unsuremam · 16/02/2019 19:57

Yes we had a big talk about it the first time it happened and they assured me he hadn't walked in on them at all - they have got a new baby in with them so I believe that! I agree it's worrying thinking if there is more to it and we spoke to his parents about that. They said they were having a big talk too but then of course today it just seems to have happened again with showing each other.

Its hard keeping that balance between keeping my DD innocent and we have always been very open about nakedness etc and not wanted to make it into a big deal but also if there is something strange going on here then I don't want to play it down and want her to be confident in saying no etc. If it was a friend I would probably just avoid but with it being family it's tricky. This hasn't happened with any of her other friends, only the cousin.

OP posts:
JasperKarat · 17/02/2019 01:10

I'd be worried about the boy, saying things like we're playing mummies and daddies, but it's got to be a secret... Where has he heard that, who is telling him to keep things like that a secret and why?

Smile19 · 17/02/2019 21:26

Sorry OP but I would be worried about this. If it's innocent then why is he saying it's a secret - not typical language for a 5 year old...this would sadly make me suspect he may be the victim of abuse and is replaying with your DD.

Please safeguard your DD by NOT allowing unsupervised play and please get independent advice from SS (you can call them just for advice without giving names etc. And / or the NSPCC). Please act for the sake of both these children. Always better safe than sorry.

Good luck OP.

Sureyouwill · 17/02/2019 21:30

I would also suspect the 5 year old is being abused and I sure as hell would not be allowing unsupervised play ever ever ever again.

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