How do you manage Christmas and Birthdays when you are separated?

[KatieA18]

Hello.
My little one is 6 months old and goes to his dad's for a few hours on a Monday evening, Wednesday evening and then alternate Saturdays and Sundays. So he sees him a lot.
We don't get on and I know when it comes to Christmas and Birthdays, it is going to a nightmare. How do you all manage days like that?
I live on my own. His dad lives with his mum and sister (my son's Grandma and Auntie).
I am worrying about it already. I just want some advice on what to suggest to him. I can't be selfish and have him all to myself so I was just looking to see what other people do?
He is very manipulative so will make me feel bad for what ever I decide to do.
Thank you

When me and my brother were kids my parents alternated Christmas. One year with mum and one with dad. So if we stayed at mums we'd wake up, have presents and dinner and then go to dads. Then Santa would come again Christmas night so we woke the next day and had presents with dad. Then the following year they done it the other way round. It worked because we got 2 Christmas days which is mega exciting as a kid and no one really missed out on the whole magic of it.

My partner has 3 children with his ex, and she keeps them. They always stay there Christmas Eve and we pick them up after dinner, we then do the whole Christmas thing again like I did as a kid.
That doesn't bother us because we can have the whole day Boxing Day, it makes no difference. however it does bother the kids, they've often asked to spend Christmas Eve with us and have always been told no.

However I'm not sure how things will play out now as we now have a child together so as he grows up I'm not sure how it will all work but he's only a baby, we have a few years to figure that out. I know as a mum your going to want to keep them all to yourself, that's perfectly understandable.. but I personally think for the benefit of the kids then it should be split evenly. X

Very interested in the replies to this thread actually, as I have a 20 month old and a 6 month old and am stuck in a loveless marriage with a man child and this has been on my mind a lot lately.

Was also wondering the usual set up for contact for such young children? Is it best to start every other weekend so they're set up when school starts? Is it normal to do overnights while they are this young?

Sorry to jump on your thread OP, just find this all very interesting

We alternate Christmas - just have 2 Christmas days (well 3 actually because my DP aren't together either).
Birthdays, just depends where she is on the day it falls but we always celebrate together anyway.
They are just days, you just have to make the time special on a different date instead.

Thanks so much for your replies. This has helped alot. I never thought of doing 2 Christmas days to be honest. I need to put my feelings aside and think about what my son would want and he would want an even split at his mum's and dad's.

Croutoncrouton - its fine hun dont worry about it. I know separation and contact is a very touchy and deep subject. At the moment my boy doesn't stay over at his dad's, I'm not comfortable yet with over night stays. Even though he is 6 months old, he was in hospital for 5 months as he was born at 25 weeks so he has only been home 4 weeks, therefore that is why I don't feel comfortable. He isn't even in a routine yet.
He goes to his dad's Monday evening 6pm until 8.30pm, Wednesday evening 6pm until 8.30pm and then every Saturday 10am until 5pm.

Thank you for asking this question! I'm expecting but separated from the father and really struggling to know what to suggest!
Ex lives about 35 minutes away and could never be bothered to make the effort to visit me, it will be interesting to see how often he does to visit his child before we get to the point of extended contact! I'm hoping to breast feed so baby won't be going far overnight, for a while, but would be happy to express for some day time feeds to begin with, once we are settled at home.

Two Christmas days, and always having either the morning or the majority of the 25th I think seems fair though!