Boys and porn

[CClarence84]

Soooo I've just had my sons phone to do an update on it and I've found.... A whole lot of porn pages in his browser 🙈 he's 13 and I feel like I need to be having a conversation with him about porn... The fact its all set up... Men and women come in all shapes and sizes ect.... But how the devil do I do it without absolutely mortifying myself and him!
I've always been pretty open with sex/body talks but this one takes a village so help please xx

Whether you talk to him about it or not he's going to continue to watch porn. He's going to only be mortified and have trust issues with you thinking he needs to start hiding things. Leave him to it and respect his privacy. He's 13, normal age to start the curiosity of sex I suppose. I wouldn't mention the porn thing, however I'd have his father speak to him about being safe if he ever did have sex. Hopefully not soon since he's still quite young

Whether you talk to him about it or not he's going to continue to watch porn. He's going to only be mortified and have trust issues with you thinking he needs to start hiding things. Leave him to it and respect his privacy. He's 13,

Please ignore all of that.
Get yourself educated about pornography. Look at the sites he has been looking at. See what he has seen. Has he sent pictures of his penis to anyone for example. Check his photos.
I have spent 8 hours today at a child safeguarding training program. One of the biggest threats to your child’s safety is online access to pornography and child predators.
The genie is out of the bottle in your son’s case. You need to find the resources to speak to him. You also need to protect him.

@lovely36

Have you actually seen any current mainstream porn?

Parents most definitely need to have a thorough talk about what's normal/reasonable in real sex as opposed to what's depicted in porn.

If you want to leave a 13 year old boy 'to it's when I don't even have to search in a porn site to see anal, choking, deep throat, face and ass slapping, men holding their fingers/hands over women's noses during fellatio, multiple penetration, 'incest/step sister' etc. They're on the main pages ... There's something either unbelievably naive & ignorant or negligent going on.

Sorry but you really needed to have had that conversation with him before you gave him the phone.
Can’t afford the luxury of embarrassment, I’m afraid. Openess becomes a habit, you’ll feel awkward initially but it will become natural. Far worse to make him feel that sex is something shameful, not to be discussed. But he also needs to be given a realistic view, not internet fantasy.
As an aside, would have been far happier if your question had been titled teenagers and porn (though obviously your perspective is one of parent of s boy). People are individuals and lumping pornography and boys together as the issue is a bit lazy. Anyone who thinks that girls don’t do nasty things like that are pulling very rosy wool over their eyes.

I think id just have the general talk about sex, sexual health, where he can go with questions other than online (you, his father, family friend, older sibling etc) what searching things online can lead to - honest questions can lead to porn sites, chat rooms. Explain just because something is online doesn't mean it's true/real - videos can be set up and scripted (not just porn).

Have what ever conversation you want, you don't have to embarrass him about what you've found but can educate him

One of the biggest threats to your child’s safety is online access to pornography and child predators.

100%

Maybe we wouldn't have the thread elsewhere on MM at the minute about 16 year old boys sending girls Snapchat messaged saying ',you're so it, I'd fucking ruin your ass' and later threatening to rape the girl, alongside demands for nude pics of their parents had had a talk about porn when they first started using it.

I think it’s an epidemic.

*you're so hot

Ok so I just sat him down and had a very blunt conversation about porn/sex/bodies/relationships.
That porn is by no means a realistic representation of sex or the human anatomy. Making him aware I knew he'd been viewing these pages and won't be anymore as I've put restrictions on his browser.
I referred to the language used in the pages he'd visited and made him VERY aware that no way should he ever be talking to women or men in such a manner.
We have since watched a few craftly lined up documentaries re consequences of posting/sharing stuff on line.
I'd like to add that I'm aware girls are accessing the same sites, I was only asking for advice on the situation I was experiencing as the mother to a son.

There is increasing evidence, as seen anecdotally on relationships board here, that porn can cause erectile dysfunction in young men.
It used to be 2% of young men had issues with erections, now 14-35% ! With porn use while young cited as a major factor.

It is a health issue too.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/mar/11/young-men-porn-induced-erectile-dysfunction?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other