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What is your 4 year old like?

18 replies

Otter46 · 13/02/2019 14:07

Wondering if any other parent of a 4-5 year old can read this and tell me what they think. There are some unusual – I think – aspects to my little boy that I can’t quite put my finger on. He’s been quite a challenging child since toddlerhood (needs a lot of stimulation) but on the whole is happy, very good with his little sister (1.5), seems to like his routine/home/preschool etc. He seems bright to me but I don’t have much to compare him to, my nephews were very different at this age. Also, please, this isn’t a boast at all, I just want to see if there are areas we can help him with based on other’s experience.

  • He’s 4.25, reading pretty much fluently since just before he turned four. He can read any book aimed at his age I put in front of him, e.g. Shirley Hughes’ Dogger, Oi Dog/Frog and so on. He reads for about 20 mins every morning in bed independently. He taught himself or suddenly got it almost in a week, his nursery had been doing the alphabet and sounds for a while. A relative is a retired teacher and tested his reading age at around 9 years old.

  • Since 2 he’s had small obsessions e.g. for a while number plates, then barcodes, then bus routes and numbers, now back to number plates. He has a huge interest in numbers and a seemingly endless memory for figures e.g. door number of a friend’s house we last went to 18 months ago. Quite useful when writing Xmas cards!

  • Barcodes got to the stage where he was memorising barcodes of library books without me realising. For example we had a library book out – he loved it so much I bought a hardback version for his birthday two months later. When he opened it he flipped to the back and said ‘but it isn’t the same barcode, the other one ends in 623 (or whatever)’ – I realised the library one had been a paperback and hence the barcode numbers were indeed different.

  • Number plates – he’s memorised the numbers part of a number plate on around 10-20 cars he recognises in our one mile walk to and from nursery – we take routes but he’ll suddenly say ‘on this road the brown car number is 439’ or whatever.

  • There’s not a day that passes when he doesn’t ask me some huge sum e.g. 1 million plus 5 thousand plus 439.

  • Over Christmas just gone he suddenly matched the alphabet to numbers e.g if I say what is H, he’ll say 8, if I say M he’ll say 13. He does it in one second and can do it the other way round e.g. if I say a number he tells me the corresponding letter of the alphabet.

  • Play: not a great player with toys. He has the usual train track/marble run/some Playmobil/Duplo/Magformers etc. He’ll play in a very restricted way e.g. with Duplo he only wants to build the tallest tower, with cars he can only race them up and down the kitchen. I’ve never heard him invent a little scenario using imagination and then act it out e.g. build a castle from Duplo or a zoo. He’s getting slightly better but he used to destroy a train track etc we’d set up for him at his request, minutes after us making it. And get quite angry. He’s always been like this, no interest in a play kitchen as a toddler etc. Absolutely no interest in art or drawing or play dough – just scribbles like a toddler when asked to draw something.

  • The play aspect is the bit that worries me slightly. We’ve had a few playdates where the friend settles down to do train track or play with a garage and cars and he just stands by watching with little input. His friends are getting into films - Star Wars etc - and superheroes. He has zero interest, he can manage about 15 minutes of a film before wandering off. His mates come over and fly their superheroes up and down, making noises and scenarios. It would never occur to him to do this.

  • What does occupy him for a long time is for example counting all his marbles into bowls/sorting my button jar, a task like that.

  • Socially can be a bit odd. Once knows people chats away but particularly on meeting people/going into friend’s houses can be strange – for example on a recent playdate roaring like a lion in the hallway for ten minutes before coming in to actually see his friend and settle down. Makes decent friendships with his nurserymates and seems popular.

  • Can have horrendous tantrums, 45 minute long rages if what we have said we are going to do doesn’t happen e.g. a place we wanted to go to is shut. But hasn’t had one like that since before Xmas so perhaps it was a phase?

Sorry it’s so long, I just don’t know what to think about him! Apart from we love him very much and try and encourage his interests.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
greybluegeometry · 13/02/2019 14:11

If you are worried I would speak to the health visitor or a GP.

The social side doesn't sound so concerning to me, and you say he can make friends.
He is certainly very gifted in intelligence in the ways you mentioned.

Foodylicious · 13/02/2019 14:15

Sounds a little unusual in his areas of interest but does not sound like it is effecting him globally in all areas so probably too young to sure if there is anything of a 'condition' just yet?

Does he start reception next Sept or ifma he there already?
What do reception/nursery think?

Foodylicious · 13/02/2019 14:16

If you contact the health visitor now, it may speed things up later if further assessments or support are needed

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MostlyBoastly · 13/02/2019 14:18

He sounds like an amazing little boy. It could be worth keeping on eye on as there are very clear signs potentially of HF ASD.

Amy326 · 13/02/2019 14:26

He sounds extremely intelligent for his age with an amazing memory! I don’t have much experience of 4 year olds except my own and her friends and reading ability seems very variable at this age. My dd can’t read yet at 4.5, is starting to sound out words though and knows all her letters. Can count to about 30 but doesn’t seem to think about numbers bigger than that. Very imaginative with play, makes up scenarios constantly and acts things out, asks me and her dad to play certain roles etc. She loves Disney films and has been watching and focusing on films for about the past 18 months I’d say. Her friends seem similar although some have better reading and writing ability, some similar to her ability.

They are all different and some children aren’t as into play as others. Have you spoken to his nursery / school to ask what they think? If you have worries then I’d speak to the GP but definitely talk to the adults he is with every day at nursery, I’m sure they’d have noticed if there was anything to worry about?

seething1234 · 13/02/2019 14:27

I have 4 boys my 3rd just turned 5.

None of mine learnt to read themselves so obviously he's very advanced there. The barcode thing seems very unusual.

The toy thing not so much. My just turned 5 year old hasn't played with duplo in years, will play with trains rarely. He likes proper lego, nerf guns, mechano. He might need older kid toys. The car thing seems pretty normal too. None of mine really make up scenarios they just race them.

None of mine would count but that could just be a quirk. The tantrum thing wouldn't happen with my 5 year old but his older brothers would have been prone to outbursts.

So can't offer much help just to say some of the things you mention don't seem too out of the ordinary.

seething1234 · 13/02/2019 14:28

When I said none of mine would count I was referring to you saying yours spends ages counting marvels into jars... mine wouldn't do that ...

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 13/02/2019 14:35

As above some of what you say could point to a high functioning ASD. Maybe a word with a GP or health visitor could be helpful? Even just having it on record if you need to seek a diagnosis later?
But he sounds like a lovely intelligent little boy, and they are all different, so it may just be his personality.

Otter46 · 13/02/2019 14:53

He starts school in September, he's an autumn-born so will at the older end of his year. I think I will try and speak to a HV, I've found them disappointingly vague in the past on other matters. His nursery/pre school are very happy with him as he concentrates so well but he doesn't trot out his barcode/number plate to them really so they just say he is very bright. We have a parent's evening coming up so I'll ask about whether they observe him playing in a deep and focused way ever.

That's reassuring about the toys thing seething, I haven't invested in lego yet as he has such rare interest in Duplo plus he has seen lego at grandparent's house and shown no interest at all, or in Magformers. He just doesn't seem to have that creative/imaginative set (yet?).

Two other things I forgot to mention - he's incredibly defiant to his dad and I. Not deliberately naughty/destructive but will boil himself up to a temper over nothing just because he wants to refuse us. I would never have behaved that way to my parents, I'm certain of it.

He will also copy and mirror friends in social situations, for example his little buddy adores my baby and will run up to her chatting, cuddling, touching her head. My son immediately will copy him - he'd never do it himself without copying someone. He's very easily led on behaviour e.g. another friend is very physical, hits and thumps a lot - my son copies him dreadfully when together but would never hit or thump any of his other friends.

I'm slightly worried how he'll cope in school come September as of course reception is very play-led and learning phonics.

Thanks for all your replies.

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MostlyBoastly · 13/02/2019 15:06

Any hypervigilance? Odd anxieties? Need to be in control?

When he plays, is he largely invested in the set-up as oppose to the game?

Monday55 · 13/02/2019 16:46

He sounds very intelligent & I would suggest you do something private as to pay to get him a cognitive assessment with a child psychologist.

Otter46 · 13/02/2019 16:55

MostlyBoastly interesting you mention control - the past few months he has exploded into tempers when he doesn't have control but we put it down to starting at his new preschool nursery set up and the fact his baby sister was moving from the blob stage to her own little personality.
He's improved as January has gone on. No hypervigilance.

His defiance can be things like shouting in the car - he can't bear too much sudden loud noise so if his sister cries in her car seat he shouts and shouts over the top. I explain and explain he'll cause an accident, please be quiet, ssshhh, etc etc and he just ignores and carries on. It ends up with a threat of something dire and even that doesn't stop him.

I think the thing I can't quite understand with him and it's taken me a while to get used to it is that in some ways he is not very child-like - in his interests. So different from my childhood, I loved creating stuff, writing stories, role play and imagination.

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MostlyBoastly · 13/02/2019 17:09

Interesting. The car is a trigger for me and DD too. There’s too much sensory input to filter out. It’s really stressful.

Racecardriver · 13/02/2019 17:16

Well my four year old in currently going through a two year long death phase. He’s more morbid than Wednesday bloody Adams. I don’t even know any more. He seems pretty normal otherwise albeit a bit spoilt perhaps. I’m just rolling with it. Some children are just a bit different and that’s fine. If you are concerned that he may not been meeting milestones or that he isn’t developing in the same way as his peers then there is no harm in seeing a doctor about it but try not to worry too much. I really wish my kid’s idea of fun was memorising bar codes.

Otter46 · 13/02/2019 20:25

Yeah you are def right racecardriver it's just a few odd things that I wonder as his peers become more sophisticated in their play and watching of films etc he'll get left behind. We do have a lot of morbid questions too!

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cheeseandcrackers · 13/02/2019 20:29

Sounds almost exactly like my DS (now 7) who has ASD. If he's still under 5, a health visitor can refer him to a community paediatrician, who can refer for ASD assessment if needed

Mynci · 13/02/2019 20:42

Sounds like ASD to me.

Otter46 · 14/02/2019 08:09

cheeseandcrackers - interesting. Is that the route you went with your son? For an assessment I mean? Has he coped well with school? Thanks.

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