Boyfriend and I struggling

[ALVDL]

My boyfriend of 5 years is struggling to adapt to our new baby. She was a surprise and we weren't sure whether to keep her (he wasn't sure) but decided to go ahead. She's was born 5 weeks ago and we are arguing all the time. She has difficulty sleeping so I end up holding her a lot so he says my priorities are all about babies now and I've abandoned our relationship. He also struggles with her being in our room as he can't sleep and therefore struggles at work so I end up taking her to different rooms to leave him sleep. I understand it's hard for men but I am really struggling too with how to figure out a baby and could do with support. How can I get him to understand that it's still really early (5 weeks is so soon to be worrying about our relationship when we're still figuring out a baby) and that we need to support each other?

Your bf is being a twat. Of course your priority is the baby! You shouldn't be taking baby to another room as this will comprise them settling in their cot. If he's disturbed then he needs to get up and go to another room or kip on the sofa. Do you have any support from family or friends? I presume he doesn't do any night feeds then?

It's really hard and my marriage is only just starting to recover now DD is 6 months. My 40yr old husband who already has a teenage son was absolutely crap, selfish and lazy. He just wanted to be a Disney dad and post photos of her on Facebook. He got a kick up the arse and your bf needs one to.

Yep, he needs to grow up, he's a father now, priorities change - your baby didn't ask to be born but she needs her parents to love her not get jealous.

I agree that your boyfriend should find another room to sleep in too if it's difficult for him. My DH was AWFUL at nights so I did them all - that was fine, he did other things to support

Sleeping DOES get better, it's rubbish to start with - have you tried swaddling?

Agree with pp, the fact that you guys weren't sure whether to keep your baby has no bearing on how you both look after her now she's here. You're a REALLY new mum, and your number 1 job is to care for your tiny baby. He needs to be caring for you, looking after you (meals, allowing you sleeps etc.) and the house while you're managing the baby. He needs to realise he's a dad now so to step it up

When my dd was a baby, dh was doing everything he could bar breastfeeding to look after dd - nappy changes, laundry, cooking, cups of tea etc. while I sat on the sofa cluster feeding. Not bragging, this is normal behaviour for a dad, so you deserve this kind of help. Having a little one is hard work!

Another one here who thinks your partner is a twat. How old is he? What does he expect from you when you are looking after a 5 week old baby ( without any help from him?)
To give him the benefit of the doubt tho... can you encourage him to be more involved? Maybe it's lack of confidence stopping him? He needs to change nappies, give baths, rock etc. My DP can't do a lot at night as I'm breastfeeding but he does other stuff to help as he is a father.
I feel for you OP. The first few weeks and months are a difficult time and you need support not conflict. Tell him to man up and stop acting like a selfish, sulky child.

Op, your partner needs to grow up fast. You are both parents, your priority IS the baby now, and should be his priority too. You haven’t abandoned your relationship, you should both be bonding with your baby . How old is your dp?

Certainly if he is working and you are on maternity leave, then he needs to get some sleep but then he should take over for a few hours in the evening to give you a break. He needs to join you in working as a team.
Sleep will get better and you’ll soon get into a routine so things are easier. Congratulations on your little one

Agree with others. While it’s hard for men it’s much harder on mothers who are predominantly dealing with the baby and the sleep deprivation while their bodies are recovering from pregnancy and birth. Did he do any research into what life would be like with a child or is that down to you? Maybe he needs to have a chat with your HV.

PS. Look into safe cosleeping.

My OH struggled when our son was frost born but understood that baby was first priority. If your holding baby constantly that's not good for you can he not take babe for a bit to give you help. My oh struggle for the first week babe been I. Room and he adapted and he's a bad sleeper anyone can adapt. Btw our realtionship didn't go back to normal it changed as a baby is a little life youss are both in together to look after. It took us 3 months to get a sort of rountie with babe. If babe bad sleeping guess what there a baby. He does need to grow up. Oh and sleeping like a baby is myth they don't sleep like logs 😂. They up ever few hours he needs to learn this

Tell your boyfriend to grow up and support you. The baby is both your priority now and he needs to understand and your relationship comes second.

Thanks everyone. I know he's being a tw*t but I'm trying to find a way to reason with him rather than just argue, as I'm too exhausted for arguments and it just escalates everything. He has another daughter but the marriage ended badly so I think he's frightened rather than anything else.
Thank you for the reassurance that it's not me! I'll keep working on him in the meantime..