DS (5) saying he's ugly, stupid etc

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I'm getting really worried by an increasing amount of negative self-talk from DS2 (5yo). He started last year every so often saying he didn't want to wear eg a coat or a hat because he'd "look stupid" or he wouldn't look "cool" or he'd be the only one wearing one. I just chalked this up to him wanting to fit in and not stand out so didn't fight it unless weather inappropriate.

By the end of January this had progressed to him saying angrily "I'm so stupid" or "I can't do anything" when he's cross or I've told him off for things like not stopping on his scooter when I yell stop. I said "you're not stupid, you just need to remember to listen, I know you can do it!" and he said again he was stupid.

Now we're getting, in addition to the above, I'm ugly, I have a fat face, and new this morning, I hate my eyes and want to change them (!??)

I have dismissed this for a while as him trying things out to get a reaction out of me, fishing for compliments/praise or trying to imagine himself as another person. But now I'm getting concerned that there is more to it, class teacher says she hasn't noticed anything at school and he certainly isn't hearing this stuff at home (I questioned DS1 to see if he had ever said anything, he says he hasn't and as I am at home with them I would have heard unless DS1 is being exceptionally beastly on the sly). He's now also saying he wants to quit his after school activities because he "never gets the prizes" (one kid each week gets a medal, he has already had two!) and "I'm rubbish" (activity leader says he is brilliant, hence the extra medal already won over other kids).

He's only 5!! I can't think where this comes from, we are a pretty casual/scruffy family and never comment on people's appearance or attire. He is the tallest and oldest in his class, a free reader, bright and popular and he is absolutely lavished with praise from all sides. Apart from starting reception, only other two big changes in the last 6 months were his older brother switching to a prep school, so they are in different schools for this year and next year until DS2 follows his brother. And the other is that our long-term nanny that he was very attached to has gone to a new family and I am home full time now but we are keeping contact with her and she is coming in to babysit regularly and he seems ok with this (on the surface?)

Does anyone have any experience with increasingly negative self-talk in a reception aged child? Everything I read is about teenagers and adults and DS1 never said anything like this at this age or since.

Help!!

My dd is nearly four and I've heard her talk like that to herself once or twice when she's frustrated she can't do something. It really upset me because she's amazing so I talked to her lots and kept saying "darling you're 3, you're just learning and you're doing so well" and now she'll often use the phrase herself "I'm only 3 it's okay that i can't do that"

Huntaway thank you so much for responding - isn't it heartbreaking to hear them say that kind of thing about themselves! Maybe I need to remind him that he's only 5 and he can't expect to be able to do everything. Maybe he is comparing himself to his big brother.

Is it a sibling thing? My DSC get frustrated that they acnt keep up with older ones on games and talk like this/get ready. O point out their brother is almost four years solder than them so it's normal he can do things differently , when your X age you will be able to do that too.
I think I was like it as a child in a big family!

Yes maybe it's a sibling thing. He's physically as big as his older brother but is still 2 years younger so of course there are loads of things he can't do yet. And we try hard never to compare them because I think my younger brother and DH's younger siblings suffered a bit from being compared.

I'm just so shocked that he would be so harsh on himself calling himself an idiot and stupid because of something completely normal like mispronouncing a word. I told him I do that all the time and I'm a grown-up but it doesn't seem to be registering yet.

This morning DH said he somehow managed to spill his breakfast on his school sweatshirt and had to wear a fleece, and threw a tantrum saying it was going to "mess up his look"?!! Do 5 year olds even have "looks"?

Could your ex-nanny have been self-critical out loud when she is alone with him and he's picked up on that way of being? To be clear, I'm not imagining her saying negative things about him. It's just that the words sound as if they come from someone older than 5.

Sometimes children with lots of praise and/or who are very successful have a lot of their identity bound up in this and can believe they are only loved/ worthwhile because they are good at things so get discouraged very easily and don't want to try things and 'fail' ie not be the best every time.

There could be something in that fox because he does get praised a lot, he is very tall, strong and advanced for his age, an early reader etc. And possibly wrongly, I've been trying to combat this negative self-talk with praise and encouragement which maybe made it worse!?

And I will definitely investigate it maybe being a sibling thing. He came home with a valentines card today that said "I LOVE mummy, I LOVE daddy, I LOVE DDog, I...well...like DS1" complete with the dots and the "well" in the sentence. But DS1 is older, it's not his fault he can do things and gets praised for things that DS2 can't do yet....a tough one.

Out I don't know - I never heard her say anything like that, but I suppose it's a possibility. We are still very good friends so I will broach it with her to see if she ever heard him say anything similar. I agree that referring to his "look" seems like it's coming from someone older, if not an adult. They only watch Cbeebies and a few Netflix kids shows like Dinosaur Train but I don't think it would be from any of those. And no access to the internet at home, they don't have tablets.