Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anyone have any experience with social services?

31 replies

Bobbycat121 · 12/02/2019 15:00

Ive posted about this before but wondered if anyone else had any experience? My daughters school recently referred me to social services. Anyway she suggested something called “early help” and she will close the case, if I accept it. But ive since got some independent advice and have been told that early help is completely voluntary. I dont want it and im worried about the stigma and being judged. Has anyone ever declined this, and if so what has happened?? I think they say its voluntary but they can escalate it if they feel the need, so its very hard to know where I stand. Has anyone had any direct experience?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dietcokemegafan · 12/02/2019 15:02

Not engaging is a huge red flag and I wouldn't advise it. Why was the referral made?

readytodropnow · 12/02/2019 15:04

If I was in this situation I would accept anything they suggested. They are suggesting what is in the best interests of the child

ButtMuncher · 12/02/2019 15:04

If the determining factor is if you don't accept early help, you'll be referred or escalated to social services, surely you'd want to prevent that and engage with the EH service? It may very well be voluntary, but surely having EH involved rather than SS would be less invasive?

I suppose it depends on why the school feel you need to be referred at all. Is it a malicious type of threat, or are you genuinely not coping?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General parenting

wizzywig · 12/02/2019 15:06

Mines been positive. I needed help and the only way of getting it was through engaging with ss.

Original poster

Bobbycat121 · 12/02/2019 15:10

I know you dont have to accept it and I feel I can address theyre issues myself. The sw was judgemental and not understanding. when I explained my daughters issues she said “other parents manage” thats not the kind of help I need if im honest.

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 12/02/2019 21:29

I would ask the social worker directly what happens if you decline it; if she says that means a social worker would stay involved then you may feel you want to accept “early help”
I understand the worry about being judged but the only people who will know is the school and early help worker or services. I would give it a chance; find out what help they can provide then make your decision

user1496701154 · 12/02/2019 21:43

Hey I had early help with my son when he was born and to be honest they did help not all soical workers are bad. They are their to help it is extremely rare they spilt families up unless a safety issue or child is at risk. What are your daughter's needs if you don't mind me asking. Do you have or of support we had early intervention as we sdor have a lot of support but they helped us get into the community and be our with babe and got is into baby groups

Original poster

Bobbycat121 · 12/02/2019 22:17

She has autism and has started to refuse going to school, sadly its my family who would judge. SS is definitely seen as a failing in their eyes so just want it closed. I will try to clarify it with the SW but shes on annual leave tommorow so will have to wait for now, just extra stress if im honest.

OP posts:

RickOShay · 12/02/2019 22:23

Early Help were absolutely brilliant for dd and I. She gave me the confidence to deal with dd’s issues.
She became a friend.

Nobody need know that they are part of social services. They are non judgemental, supportive and extremely helpful. Good luck

BollocksToBrexit · 12/02/2019 22:26

I have 2 with autism. I would accept any help offered. If anyone judges you for getting help they can fuck right off. They're not walking in your shoes. Don't see help from social services as a failure. See it as a success, that you are willing to do whatever it takes to give your daughter the best chance at a successful life.

seven201 · 12/02/2019 22:31

Your family don't need to know it's ss who you/your dc meet up with. You may be missing out on a great opportunity just because you're worried what your family might think. Put your daughter first and give it a go.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 13/02/2019 08:17

You need to prioritise your daughter over what your family think.
Just don't tell them.
You do need to cooperate.
You say you can do it yourself but you haven't until now.
There is no failing on you. They want to help you so that it doesn't escalate to the point where you have the choice removed from you.

user1496701154 · 13/02/2019 08:17

@bobbycat21 do you know the reason she doesn't want to go to school anymore. I think ealry intervtion would be best if she's young hopefully to accept it. My oh quit school v. Young due to family circumstances and never went back and now regrets it. Sorry for my late reply. I think it's ashame your family would judge I know media gives a bad impression of soical workers but that's not what they are they for they are thier to help. Mine help us get into community and after 6 weeks we were signed off the case.

Original poster

Bobbycat121 · 13/02/2019 10:07

Her 1:1 left, she was given a new
1:1 and she really didnt like him, she was really sad when her 1:1 left as she was extremely fond of her. I tried to address it with the school but they were dismissive, I tried several times. Im sorting it now by sending her to a special needs school. I must admit I was reluctant for her to leave mainstream which is why I didnt do it sooner.

Obviously social services has given me a wake up call to sort it and if I can sort it
myself I would like the oppurtunity to do so. Im abit of an introvert so wouldnt really want someone coming her often that I dont know, My daughters needs are being met hence why it isnt child in need/child protection as it doesnt meet that threshold, they just want to offer extra support but my family have agreed to help out
more and be more supportive, Im a lone parent and I felt she played on that abit, she said I look after my children but who looks after me? Do I need someone looking after me? Im an adult, I have my parents but im not a child.

OP posts:

Budlia · 13/02/2019 10:11

It’s voluntary, you don’t have to engage if you don’t think it’s helpful, if you get referred to child protection because you don’t want early help, then that warrants a complaint.

I was referred for my teenage ds with asc, he hates meeting new people and I was offered a youth group for him.

Don’t be made to feel that you have to do anything without finding out whether it will help you, it might do, it might not.

Original poster

Bobbycat121 · 13/02/2019 10:34

Thanks for understanding Budlia thats kind of how I feel, When the school
explained what it would involve she said they come round to help around the house and would help me taking my daugher to school. If im honest I would rather them address why my daughter doesnt want to come to school rather than why I cant get her there. It took 4 members of staff 25 minutes today to get her into school.

OP posts:

MummEE2 · 13/02/2019 14:37

Early help is voluntary so you can refuse it. However agreeing to it can also prove to be very helpful as all the professionals involved in your child's care and you can meet up and discuss how to best support your child. A great opportunity for you to ask any questions and tell people what you think would help your child and them having to listen and help you the best they can. If my DC had autism and this was offered I would not hesitate to accept the help!

danni0509 · 13/02/2019 14:57

Op, How old is dd?

Did the school refer you because she wasn't attending school? How long had she not attended for? X

danni0509 · 13/02/2019 14:58

I've got a ds with autism by the way who is a handful and half getting him into school

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/02/2019 15:04

Take it. They can be a big help, even if it’s someone to simply talk to. Not all SS involvement is bad

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/02/2019 15:08

My SW has helped get my dd assessed sooner, she’s got funding a for sensory assessement, and a full physiological assessement, and also helped getting her application off to the small steps team for a doctors Assessement, by having her involvement it’s meant I have their backing and it’s not just me being a shit parent, it means we get taken seriously when we say we have a child with sn.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 13/02/2019 15:09

Early help can be for anything and is voluntary. I got it because two of my children have learning difficulties and development delay amongst other issues. It is a more accurate way for assessments made through different professionals, e.g. paediatricians , speech therapist to access information without me having to repeat myself at each appointment. I've never had any mention of social services.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 13/02/2019 15:19

“other parents manage”

Other parents of ASD school-refusing children who won't even put a coat on when it's -1 degrees outside? I bet they bloody don't.
OP, I would take them up on it until DC is settled into special school as they might refuse that too and you need help/new 1-1 your DC can respond to and potential transport help. The alternative is off-rolling and home educating but as you're already on their radar, presumably for non-attendance, then that might raise further red flags.
I feel for you

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 13/02/2019 15:24

Did the school try to make adjustments for her btw?
Was her ILP being followed?
Did they try a part-time timetable for you?
Did you have meds for her sleeping if insomnia a problem?
It seems heavy-handed to ring social services if you have already been working with them and the home-school liaison EWO etc

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 13/02/2019 15:29

It took 4 members of staff 25 minutes today to get her into school.
School staff?
and then what happened to her?
What is the SENCO's opinion on managing her needs?
If they are not meeting her needs, have they helped you access a special school?

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread