4 month old will only be held by me

[Bombalarino]

I'd be really grateful for some advice and would like to know if this is normal or not. I have a gorgeous 4 month old dd, and for the past six weeks or so will only be held by me or my husband. We have close family nearby who have held her from day one, and she sees other people and babies regularly. Whenever anyone else tries to hold her or give her a cuddle she'll cry - after about ten seconds, and will be totally inconsolable until she's passed back.

I would love for others to be able to cuddle her, to see the beautiful smiley baby that I do. I'd love her grandmother, who she sees frequently to able to be able to bond with her more. I keep reading that babies of this age who are happy to go to other people are securely attached to their mothers - where have I gone wrong? Is there anything I can do to help her feel more comfortable? I try to play with her, make sure she can see me when she's on someone else's lap, but it doesn't seem to help.

Both my daughters have been like this. The first wouldn't even go to her dad, it was such hard work.

Second baby will tolerate dad though but no one else.

It's a phase, you haven't done anything wrong and she is securely attached to you. She feel safe with you. Mine is 7m and still doing it, again it's hard work but won't be forever

A couple of mine have been like this. Second wouldn't even go to his dad. Even when I went back to work he would only be with me when I was there. He was about 4 before he started to like people and now he's 7 and really sociable.

It's a phase, it lasts a couple of months then starts to slowly improve again.

Thank you so for your replies - it's good to have reassurance that this is normal! Fortunately at the moment dad is still ok - hopefully that continues!

Well it's important you respect her wishes. If she doesn't want to be held by someone then don't force her to be. How would you feel if your mother forced you to be held by someone you didn't want to be held by. My son was this way. And I respect him and kindly said he's not quite comfortable to be held just yet. He's still getting familiar. Everyone understood. I respected his wishes. Got worse before it got better. Around 8 months he got stranger anxiety and cried if anyone even looked At him. I encouraged him to not be scared by speaking to everyone while he was with me so he could see it's ok. Fast forward to now 17 months and he is so outgoing, friendly, gives everyone high fives, goes to kiss his uncles and aunts on his own. I feel like they're a little hesitant and weary of people at first. And I strongly believe that if I would of forced him to be held by people it would've back fired as he wouldn't trust me. Just a thought though?

My two DDs were like this as young babies and well into toddlerhood. They even cried whenever anyone they didn't know came into our house or if I took them anywhere where other people were. It was hard work as I like to socialise. They got better from about the age of 2. I still marvel at babies who will let other people hold them and toddlers who will happily toddle around playgroup playing with the toys while their mum enjoys a nice hot cup of tea and a chat. Children like mine seem to be in the minority but they are gorgeous and loving and it's just who they are.

I second the advice not to push it and to just explain to people that they don't like being held by anyone else. Keep trying as one day it might be fine but as soon as they cry take them back.

Thanks for all the input - she will sit and smile at her grandparents, and they do seem to be vaguely familiar to her so they do try holding her from time to time (and we can see if she's still uncomfortable with them if you see what I mean) I do take her back as soon as she starts to get upset though.

It's really reassuring to hear that this isn't so unusual though. It's difficult not to look at other babies being passed around merrily, and wonder why mine is so different

You're probably not noticing them, but there will be other babies which aren't merrily passed around, and that's because they'd scream the place down if they were

An excellent point! I'll keep an eye out for the fellow less sociable babies

I did nothing different with DS1 or 2, DS1 was always happy to be held by anyone and was very smiley. DS2 would not be held by anyone apart from me without crying. Even DP was cried at. He's 3 now and is extremely sociable.

I had twins
One exactly as you describe - the other happy with complete strangers (which was often!!)

Don’t know which was worse! At least I knew where the clingy one was

I had one of these too. It's hard, but does pass.

Both mine were the same. It got a bit embarrassing at times when I couldn't give them to a friend or relative to cuddle without them crying. But it does pass..

My sister was like that from about 3 months from what my mother says - wouldn't go to anyone not even our father.

A family I knew from my son's choir had a baby just after their son started, so she was around us all a lot from early on. This little one was very clingy for a couple of years or so from infancy as I recall - if I even tried to smile at her she'd get cross. Another year on and she'd turned into a delightful appropriately outgoing toddler.

My DD was like this until she was able to crawl and move around on her own - she didn't like when people came to take her from me as soon as they arrived at the house but if they let her be for a little while then she would be ok.....now she is on the move she is much happier about going to other people but still checks in with me and DH.
I've heard the opposite to you that this is actually a sign of a positive attachment (not wanting to be away from you at such a young age)....it was a child psychologist who told me this at a baby group I went to.

My advice is to not force anything she will go to others when she is ready also make the most of the lovely baby cuddles 😊.

Hi @Bombalarino
hope you’re doing well. Your 4 month old is almost 5 I’m assuming!
Was wondering how they got on as they became older? I have an almost 4 month old who cries his eyeballs out if my husband even holds him!
I’m exhausted being the only one who can comfort him or hold him! I also have a three year old so can’t really be just sitting with him and chilling:-((.
Did you do anything different to make him go to others easily?
Thanks in advance!

Oh my goodness, I'd forgotten this thread @Anonymous2610 . I have no idea if you're still around to read this, but I'll reply anyway just in case you see it.

My gorgeous girl is nearly 6! She's a bright, happy a vivacious kid who is entirely different from the clingy and utterly exhausting baby she was in 2019. She's not remotely clingy now - quite the opposite. She skipped happily into school on her first day, loves a kids club, goes to rainbows, drama club etc without a backwards glance.

I didn't do anything really I didn't think. She just grew, and changed. Went through a big daddy phase when she was 2. I've had two babies since and they were a bit easier to pass around, but not like some of my friend's babies!

It's exhausting. But this time will pass, and you'll get there. Perhaps you already have by now!