Feeling sad - feel like baby doesn’t like me

[Alicia870]

This might sound ridiculous. But I really am feeling so upset about my relationship with 4 month old baby. She is my total world and I love her so much. She brings me so much joy and I love being her mummy. But I hear other mums talk about their babies just wanting them, wanting to be held and cuddled by mummy all the time, lighting up when they walk in etc. But my baby doesn’t do any of that. Sometimes I feel like I can’t even get her to look at me directly even though I try so hard to entertain her and communicate. If I leave her with my parents for example, she never even bats an eyelid when I leave or return. When I come back she doesn’t even acknowledge I’m there. She is an independent little thing and doesn’t particularly like to be held and cuddled which I really miss and yearn for. I just want to feel special and that she knows her mum, but feel so sad that I’m not at all her whole world and feel no different to anyone else. It’s making me feel as though we don’t have a proper bond even though I love her to bits!

My DD was the same, OP. She was eventually diagnosed as on the autistic spectrum, which is why she had been avoiding eye contact and didn’t like people in her personal space hugging her.
She’s now nearly 30, has a v high IQ, a well paid graduate job, has a great sense of humour and will hug me as long as I ask first. We love each other dearly, but I’ve had to adapt to her ways and it’s not the same sort of mum/daughter relationship that non autistics have.

I guarantee your baby likes you in many ways but she may just not be a very cuddly baby. My little girl is getting to be like that now. She is 2 months old and doesn't seem to want to be cuddled at all anymore. She spends a lot of her time wanting to sit on the end of my knee and stare at my top or the rest of the room. She puts herself to sleep to the point that she cries until I put her down and then she seems to relax. She does give me the odd smile but she smiles at everyone so she doesn't treat me differently. It can be a little tough but I reckon we just don't have cuddly babies the same as some adults don't like hugs. I wasn't a cuddly kid but I adore my mom and always did. Your relationship will develop in different ways as she gets older.

She does make eye contact and she is very sociable. I think I’ve put it across slightly inaccurately. She will hold my gaze at times and will laugh and smile etc but she does it with everyone and I don’t feel any different. I just want to know that she knows I’m her mummy. It worries me that there’s doubt in my mind over how she feels about me. As other mums seem to have no doubt that their babies know they are mum. I’ve always just thought ah she’s still so young, but is it normal to feel this way or is it odd that she doesn’t make me feel confident that she knows who I am?

The thing is, at this age she won't understand that you are separate to her or that you could possibly not come back. She's obviously a happy and content baby, and is totally secure.

I'm sure when she is a few months older, she'll be sitting up and playing, interacting with you and you'll see more and more of her personality. I would try not to focus on this one specific aspect of her emerging personality.

She's too young for that. It will come! Neither of mine had preferences at that age. I can't remember when that happened exactly but I think it was much later. Maybe 10 months -1 year. Please don't worry!

She'll begin her clingy stage around 7/8 months. You won't be able to put her down!

My boy was a bit like that but he’s got more affectionate as he’s got older (he’s 10 months now). I think as pp said, at that age, she doesn’t understand that you are separate from her. She sees you as part of the furniture, something that is always there, so she doesn’t always feel the need to acknowledge you. It probably means she is secure in her relationship with you so it’s a good thing

My ds was like this. When he reached his stranger anxiety stage I was sure someone had swapped him!

Hes now 4 and he gives me the best cuddles ever and is full of love for me