living apart together - what alternative parenting set ups are out there

[onemorebeforebed]

Can't find a thread about relationships. Anyone out there living separately to child's father but not actually split. Relationship not great though, no sex, so maybe we should just face it and say it's over and we're single parents. We co-parent really well though. So very complicated and just wondering what alternative parenting scenarios others are experiencing. I keep beating myself up that we're not 2.4 but my daughter seems incredibly happy and confident, so I know on one level we're getting something right. Maybe its about me and me not liking fitting in to conventionality a bit more. Would love to hear some positive stories about alternative set ups.

There's no set way to parent, and if that situation works for you, then carry on.

I'm in a similar situation. My DP and I don't live together, but he stays a few nights a week and we co-parent really well. It works. When we lived together we argued a lot. I didn't want my son in an environment like that, so we decided to live apart.

I'll be honest, we're more like friends now. There's no sex. Absolutely zero. But as strange as it sounds, I'm happy with that.

Some consider it to be an odd set-up. But who said that traditional situations were the only viable ones? My son gets two happy parents this way, and I think that's half the battle with parenting.

Thanks AliceCherry, your set up sounds nearly identical. It does work in that we row a lot less than we would and like you I think that is important for my daughter.

Does your son stay at your partners ever? My daughter goes to his a few nights and is often there in the day if I'm working. I worry she'll be confused about where she actually lives - i.e. she's basically got two homes but will that unsettle her. My partner stays here most weekends but like you, no sex, none. I don't mind all that much, we're both quite old to be parents, but not sure I can say that's it for the rest of my life. At the moment though my daughter is all that really matters. I worry how we will handle the situation when she goes to school though as at the moment we're in a bit of a bubble so don't have to worry about explaining to others or being judged at the school gate. I guess it's like you say, who says what is a viable set up and if the children are happy, that's all that matters. Thanks for sharing your story, it has made me feel less alone.

Hi, great to see a thread on this topic. This is me/us too. We are together (ish), but live apart. We moved in together a few months before our son was born but it was hideous living together. We now live almost next door to one another, and our son has two homes. He's usually 4/5 nights at mine, 2/3nights at his dad's each week. He's 5 now and is happy. Works well for us.

So great to hear from other people doing similar. Everyone I talk to about our set up is envious of it (well, the women are!).

Yeah, it is nice to hear from others. Thanks for posting Sunbeam. I've a few friends say they think it sounds like a good set up too. There's a few issues in my and partner's relationship though (money a big one), so it probably isn't based on an ideal, but it's working for us all at the moment and me and him just delighted to have our daughter in our lives. Living next door sounds like quite a good plan. We're about 15 mins from each other but I may move closer.

Going to follow this. You sound a bit like me, OP.

Hey again! Our son only sleeps at mine. We decided on that so that we wouldn't confuse him too much. But who knows, maybe that'll change one day. We're flexible.

It's so refreshing to see others in a similar situation. I always thought it was just us! Don't get me wrong, our relationship isn't perfect. But it's so much easier to work on things when we're not in each other's faces 24/7.

Sounds like an ideal set up to me! I wish we had the money to be able to live separately

DP and I live separately - always have. Might move in together in the future but we'll see. DS (11mos) only ever sleeps overnight at mine, we go to DPs every day that I'm not working.
We are a couple; we hold hands and make plans and have sex and go on holidays together, but we're also seperate people with seperate homes who enjoy spending time apart. We have no shared finances and never (ever) sleep at each others places.
It works for us.

Thanks for posting everyone. So refreshing to know I’m not the only one. There’s just so many ways to bring up a child I guess and you never know what’s going on behind closed doors. Would like a bit more companionship I guess but generally pretty content.

bumping to see if there are any others out there.

Just wondering how others tackle what they say about their situations to the DD or DS. I guess my situation is a bit different to yours Divgirl2 as you both seem to be doing it because that's what you want, no matter who you're with i.e. you still love your DP very much. Me and other half are really doing it because we know it wouldn't work together because of probs in the relationship. In reality, I'd rather live with someone. I think! That makes it all a bit sadder I suppose. We're trying though, and that's what counts.