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Switching roles. Going back to work and Oh becoming a SAHM.

3 replies

JKCR2017 · 09/02/2019 13:40

I a mother to DS 8 and DD 3. I have been a SAHM for a few years now. Both D.C. have additonal needs and we decided OH would be the earner and I’d stay at home looking after D.C.

My OH is 40 this year and hasn’t not worked since he was 13. I know this is life and the case for most people. He has been in the same job for 10 years but due to a change in management things have changed and he’s so unhappy in his job. He feels inclined to stay as it pays a decent wage and is a stable job. He has no qualifications so will struggle to find a job that pays as much as they do. They are making him work all the hours under the sun and he’s literally mentally and physically drained. He’s also a very hands on father and comes home and picks D.C. up from school and bathed them, takes them to the park. I suffer from anxiety, ocd and depression and some days are really hard.

I constantly feel guilty that I don’t do enough. I mean my kids are well looked after, clean, fed, my house is clean and my kids are happy but I feel like I should be working but working DC’s needs, with Oh’s hours and not being able to afford childcare it’s impossible for us both to work. Our families don’t help out.

I feel like going to work full time may help me out. I’m stuck in the house, in the middle of nowhere every single day with little social interaction. I have qualifications that my Oh does not but I haven’t had much experience with working for the last few years and I have little self confidence. But I am really wondering if you me working full time would help us out as a family. But we will most likely be earning a lot less.

The only downside is that my Oh is the untidiest person you could ever meet. Doesn’t do any housework but if I went out to work he would have to step up in this area, tidying etc as I wouldn’t want to come home to a shit tip every day!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
JKCR2017 · 09/02/2019 13:40

I worded my tittle wrong. Should be SAHD.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 09/02/2019 13:43

Well I think you take one step at a time

Apply for jobs and see what’s available - if offered make a decision

If DH has long hours now - what does he think a SAHP hours are? There’s no clicking off?

What about next year when both are in school? You’ll be in a bette reposition them won’t you

Wallsbangers · 09/02/2019 14:17

Sounds like it could be a positive change but with any major change it would be worth sitting down and going through everything- would be able to earn enough to cover outgoings, would your partner need a PT job, what needs doing round the house, what are the children's schedule etc - before making any decisions.

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