I don't know what to do about my dss11 anymore.
We've just had his school report back yesterday and he's working below average on pretty much everything.. it's worse since his last school report in December which wasn't great either
He's not unintelligent at all, it's more of an attitude issue and that is what's showing in the report and echos the experience at home
Doesn't listen, doesnt respond to feedback, doesn't make any extra effort... this is how he is at home aswell.
He's always been one to tell adults what to do and he thinks he knows best.
If you tell him not to do something he will do it anyway if he thinks he should... for example
The other week he walked to meet me after school and lost his lunchbox on the way... turns out he wasn't walking at all, he was messing around and I don't know in what way because getting the truth out of him is an almost impossible task,so I really didn't want to get caught up in it so I simply said from now on you walk the way I originally told you to walk. I wanted this because it's along the road so if he's ever late/detention I could pick my other two dc up and then drive along that way, if he's going other routes I'll never know where he is... I've seen him and his friends verbally abuse a man, and then last week I saw my Dss aggressively push a boy from behind which I told him off for and made him apologise... he's not a mean child, he just doesn't think and gets carried away.
Anyway, fast forward a week and he walked the way I specifically told him not to because someone had seen his lunchbox. He then went into someones garden after knocking on their door and getting no reply because his lunch box was in their garden... 'I know you said not to go that way but I just thought i could get my lunch box back and you'd be happy with that'
Obviously I'm not happy with that, he should have came to meet me and then told me about the lunchbox and we could have gone. I'm not happy that he went the way I told him not to and then knocked on a strangers door and then trespassed all because he 'just thought' which is the response we always get.
'I know, I just thought' or 'I know, it's just'
Which always seems like he's saying 'I know you said don't do that but I know better so'
He's upset now and banging in his bedroom because apparently I'm disappointed in him which I am and I've told him that I know he can do better than this. It all comes down to his attitude of not listening to Anyone and doing whatever he wants and I'm at a loss now as to what to do about it.
We feel like we've tried everything, we aren't lax parents and we aren't super strict either... we gave him a mobile phone for his birthday last year and after a series of bad behaviour and then the school report in December we decided to remove the phone and told him he could earn it back by improving his school report. But it's got worse :(
Honestly if we keep to the 'no phone until school report improves' I think he won't ever have a phone til he leaves school unless there's a way to get him to start listening and seeing that he doesn't always know better/more than anyone else.
I want him to have his phone, I want him to be able to walk back the way he wants, I want to be able to trust him but it's just one thing after another and I find it so frustrating
I would appreciate opinions on this and advice please, anyone else in a similar boat?