When your child has the same vulnerabilities and problems you had

[Amoregentlemanlikemanner]

What do you do? How do you manage? How do you avoid passing on the bad stuff whilst accepting genetics?

My younger son has the same friendship issues Ihad. I had a bad home background. Fortunately my son’s family is much nicer. But when I think about helping him it’s like standing on a platform over a big chasm.

Any words of advice?

Could you focus on giving him confidence.

Like making sure he can swim and cycle, so when there’s cycling proficiency sessions at school or he gets invited to a pool party he can join in with other children with confidence.

He ‘s a bit older but I think you’re right. You sound like you get it.

I think it’s about changing what you can change, then accepting his uniqueness.

I wasn’t supported so I don’t have healthy influences to draw on.

My DD has HF ASD and I’ve since realised that I do too. She has all the same struggles that I had. But can you imagine how well placed that makes me for helping her to overcome them? I’m really grateful that I can understand her and know exactly where she’s coming from. I often imagine little-me and what I really needed to hear and that informs how I help her.

“I often imagine little-me and what I really needed to hear and that informs how I help her.”

Did someone say the right things to you? Or are you figuring it out now?

No. Not really. But I remember knowing exactly what I wanted people to say so I try my best to be that person for my DD.

How did you know what you needed.
My son seems to have more knowledge than I had.

I remember feeling very misunderstood with certain anxieties because they just weren’t intuitive to other people. My DD has exactly the same ones and if I didn’t remember it in myself, I’d be tempted to minimise and dismiss them.

Thank you

I guess you can foresee challenges and think of solutions / think of what to say to help your child, build their confidence etc.

I understand how you feel. I suffered horribly with self esteem and low grade mental health problems that unfortunately spiralled into more serious bouts of anxiety and depression which wasn't helped or understood well by my parents. My life is healthy now although those internal struggles will always leave lasting scars. I'm proud that so far I've been the mum I strived to be. I've done myself and my children proud thus far. But.... I see me in my son. Already at his young age I can see little snippets of anxiety/emotional problems in him. Truthfully it scares me. I fiercely want to protect him from what I went through. But that said I know better how to deal with it through my own experiences and definitely know how NOT to deal with it. Thinking about what a little you would have wanted/needed is really good advice too. You care about doing right by your child and that's a terrific start

Such lovely responses I really appreciate it

One of my friends who has a hf autistic son, was having similar problems at about 12.
She gave him two lessons at an air rifle shooting range with a coach who specialised in teaching children.
He got completely hooked, For him it was all about calculating distances and velocity in his head. It was something he was good at so gave him confidence. He had something to talk about with the other boys there, and when his class mates heard about it, he gained a bit of kudos.

Now he wants to learn how to train others

Seniorschoolmu,

That’s a nice positive story thank you.