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Parenting

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Original poster

family hate each other:(

12 replies

asa90 · 08/02/2019 09:36

so basically . ... my dp saw on my phone my parents bitching about him which they do as they just don't think he does enough anyway I usually just stick up for hi and when they moan and move on on . well he's hurt by what they said and now saying he won't let them see our DC much as they are horrible... they live 3 hours away so I take the children for visit trips weekends with them . how can I get him to see it doesn't matter what they think it's important to me and dc we see them yes they have their faults but who cares what they think . he's having none if it and says they won't be seeing DC as often now .. :(

OP posts:

Elllicam · 08/02/2019 09:42

I think you need to back him up. I would be really hurt if my in laws were bitching about me to my husband. They need to apologise.

Drum2018 · 08/02/2019 09:47

If my in laws had bitched about me I'd have felt the same and wouldn't have wanted my kids influenced by them at all. So you really need to see it from his point of view. It's disrespectful and unless what they are saying is 100% true then you should shut them down if they are horrible towards him.

Peppapig254 · 08/02/2019 09:49

I also think they need to apologise and you should be supporting him.

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elQuintoConyo · 08/02/2019 09:52

Partners over parents.

This ever thus.

My in-laws are dickheads, I have nothing to do with them. DH understands, keeps things separate. My own DM can be hard work, I support DH in putting his needs/opinions above hers. As it should be.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 08/02/2019 09:54

I know how he feels.

I caughy my Mil bitching about me and moaning to my husband. I have had no contact with her since.

I don't need to entertain someone who has such a poor opinion of me and I don't want her near my children moaning about me. That's not fair on them.

She now only sees them with my husband present or other family, never alone

Xiaoxiong · 08/02/2019 10:06

You can't say "who cares what they think", they're not random strangers whose opinions are irrelevant, they're your parents, his ILs and the kids' grandparents. Their views could have a great influence on you and the kids. You need to defend him vigorously to your parents and show him you're doing so. Also, you can't ever vent to your parents about your partner to make yourself feel better, because that's all they'll ever think when they see him.

I think you need to back him up, tell him your parents were out of order, tell your parents they were out of order, and unless you get an apology I'd be going very, very LC if not NC. Children can be enriched by lovely kind supportive grandparents but there is no benefit to children of contact with GPs if they're having their relationship with one of their parents undermined.

FIL said some stuff about me to DH a while back - DH was really upset as we both thought we all been very close and we went NC with his dad for quite a while. I was also upset but it helped our marriage a lot to see how he stood up for me and defended me. We are now LC and DH takes the kids to see FIL (and he comes to us sometimes, we are polite but no longer close) but DH made it clear to me he will always be around with the kids with FIL and if he comes out with so much as a negative word he'll walk straight out the door with the children. It's also made FIL respect DH I think seeing him stand up for his wife and their relationship is much better as a result.

Doobydoobeedoo · 08/02/2019 10:11

I wouldn't want to be around someone who was nasty to me. I also wouldn't want my children hearing someone speaking that way about their father.

I caught my mum being nasty to others about my DH. She then got defensive and refused to apologise. She's not particularly pleasant about me either. We have very little to do with her. Having seen her in action, my DC have no interest in her either.

How would your parents react if they saw/heard your DP bitching about them? Would they let it go as you're expecting your DP to do, or would they be angry/upset?

EhlanaOfElenia · 08/02/2019 10:13

Well you've been a bit daft in not putting your foot down with your parents and saying ENOUGH! And now you've got this to deal with.

Your parents were out of order, and so were you. Now your DP is hurt. What did you expect??!!

Huntawaymama · 08/02/2019 10:15

I'd be heartbroken if my in laws were bad mouthing me and my husband didn't stick up for me, I'd think he agreed with them and I'd worry what else was being said/thought. I'd also stop them from spending time with my kids if this was the case

EstrellaDamn · 08/02/2019 10:16

Well, you say they were bitching about him, but it was on your phone so you were part of it, either an active or a silent part.

Don't you see why he is so hurt?

Or are they right and you don't want to face it?

If he's a good guy who you've no doubts about, you should never have opened the door to your parents thoughts about him.

Mmmhmmm · 08/02/2019 13:17

You need to tell your parents to stop bitching about him to you end of. The problem is them and how you've failed to manage them, not your partner.

Lichtie · 08/02/2019 13:24

Why do they think this? They are not there day to day so what makes them say he isn't doing enough. Is this something you are conveying to them or are they just wrong?

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