Hi everyone
I hope someone can help me!
I split with my ex when my dd was a week old. Throughout my pregnancy he was out all weekend taking cocaine and drinking alcohol. This led to him becoming very aggressive. So I left. I tried again with him around the time she was born as he said he was sober however he lasted a week until I left him again.
At first we couldn’t agree on contact which led to him threatening suicide. Because of this I then said he needed supervised contact. His family haven’t been very nice either and he has fallen out with my family when they have tried to help so there was no one to do the supervised visits but me. This led to him not seeing his daughter for a couple of months. He then began having supervised contact with me. He turned up on time, regularly text to ask about his daughter and said he was sober. So I let him have unsupervised contact on sundays.
Now his behaviour has changed again. He has forgotten the extra days at Christmas which I reminded him about and he turned up hours late. He has cancelled contact with her as he has been out the night before and is obvisohly not in a fit state and would rather go out. Last weekend he was drinking alcohol and taking cocaine Friday night into Saturday day time but still wanted her unsupervised so I cancelled as I said it’s not appropriate to be around a child after that.
All I’ve had off him since splitting up with him is threats of court. I feel like I’ve given him plenty of opportunities to look after our daughter but he hasn’t shown he is able to stay sober and put her needs first. I’m seriously concerned now about leaving her with him as he refuses to give me updates (I regularly send him pictures, appointment info and anything she has been doing that week) and I don’t know how much he is drinking/taking drugs. I strongly suspect it’s more than what I think.
If I stop contact and go back to supervised he will probably threaten me with court. Where do I stand? I want him to keep seeing her and don’t want to stop contact completely but I don’t trust him with her on his own. Would a court order a drugs test? I’m aware you need mediation first so could I say he needs to be drug tested to have access on his own? I have little proof other than maybe some messages from a while ago about his drug use. My health visitor is aware of his drug and alcohol use.
My ex is very manipulative and hides this alcohol/drug problem. He’s very good at putting on appearances. I feel if professionals were involved he would put on this act. If he was to be given unsupervised contact by the courts what happens if he then starts drinking/taking drugs again?
Sorry for the spelling mistakes and the long message. I’m trying to type quickly before my little one wakes up. Thank you in advance for the help. Xxx